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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ Totems

Posted by: Sekhmet Jan 13 10, 06:02

Totems

Two gaudy effigies, carved in wood,
stand in forested clearings; both
potent totems; understood
to rule their tribe, as no man could.
They tower above the undergrowth.

Whilst at their bases, maidens fair,
do offer tribute; and they claim
the pretty amulets they wear,
and tattoos scattered here and there,
prevent them looking much the same.

Explorers died here where they lay,
their tortured bodies turning black.
They surely came to rue the day
they ventured the less travelled way
and stayed - because there's no way back.

These totems force my deepest sigh.
My God! Why did I venture hence?
A futile, foolish traveller; I
chose that detour, tempted by
my untamed lust for difference.

All line should end with the given words - in the given order and form.
wood, both, stood, could, undergrowth / fair, claim, wear, there, same /
lay, black, day, way, back / sigh, hence, I, by, difference.

Posted by: Alan Jan 13 10, 08:56

Dear Leo,

A tour de force, very well done.

Love
Alan

Posted by: ohsteve Jan 13 10, 15:29

Leo, ah now you are treading on dangerous ground...lol. Road Not Taken is one of three of my favorites written by Frost. I have done parodies of this and the other two that I like also, but never using the end words as they stood. you have not only done this but also used the same rhyme scheme and made it totally different at the same time. Ok I just saw the challenge Lori put up in Karnaks...I will have to go see how well I can do...great piece here Leo.

Steve

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Jan 14 10, 08:11

Hi Leo,

I'm not here to crit just yet but wanted to ask a favor: Can you also post this in the Karnak thread as well so I'll know it sparked responses?

Thanks so much!

Be back!
~Cleo

Posted by: Merlin Jan 14 10, 17:44

Not gonna crit either, only mention I've taken one onto the other road down in the Kar-navel.

Merlin

Posted by: Sekhmet Apr 13 10, 01:46

HI Merin - thank you for all your help you gave me with understanding something of Free Verse.
I'll miss you, and hope to meet you again, on a different road.
Send a postcard!
Leo XX