I watch footprints
dissipate in quiet
low tide ripples.

Sporadic sparklings
speckled in sea foam
bedazzle memories.

My face, leashed
to the heavens,
leans on beams of
brighter light.

Loving-you
images spread
north, south,
east, west

painting
a portrait
across

a most
captivating
evening sky.

Hi Daniel,

Like rivers' currents, poetic paths cross again. That's always an interesting crossway for writers.
I enjoyed reading your FV poem & replies today. You've been given some great feedback from others. When reading your poem the 2nd time, I deleted "the" before darkness. Just leaving an idea for consideration in your edits.

Take care. Happy January as 2011's first month is about to exit.
Jan

Wow, Lori~

What a poem! You've placed a lump in my throat as I feel everything here through the heart of your words.

Beautiful work. Makes a strong impact for this festive season.

Jan

W
h
e
n
hearts
open
wide

to release
what's inside,
when what's given
grants naturally,
this season
becomes
nothing more
than what it is.
We see
what is
meant to be.
Beautiful
season,
we hide in
your spirit;
we breathe in
your peace.
We stop to listen for
in quiet, we hear it.
Beautiful season,
make us aware -
in giving,
we're receiving.
What we're searching for
is already there.

Snow,
So you wish to see the whole metamorphosis, eh?
Okay, I think I can manage handling that ~~ before and after.
Thanks for reading/replying.
Jan

Hello Cleo!
I've juggled some time to land here this AM. Yes!
You've provided some lovely changes. Will do 'cause they simplify. Thanks so much as I'm working on a chapbook now. This particular poem is an addition to the autumn section of the lil' book I'm dreaming 'bout.(entitled Seasoning) Again, thanks. Love your funny emails, too.
Have a great day.
~Jan

Snow,

Many thanks for your keen observations and recommendations. I've edited some more.
Appreciating your time & thoughts,

Jan

Not at all. I'm working on "weeding out", which is an ongoing lesson for the writer in me. :)
Tell this, does the poem stand stronger now with the edits? Hmmm....

Jan

Thank you for your suggestions to improve this poem.
I appreciate your editing advice.

Jan

Hello Steve,

That was one place that I was curious about for the same reason you've stated. Thank you for your observant eye, sir! Will plan to edit there.

Jan

Steve,

I've enjoyed spending time in your spiritual thoughts. You have a very nice poem shaping up.
I agree with redirecting some of the repetitions. Nice revision...and this poem is looking & feeling fine. :)

Jan

saore,

For those familiar with this theme, ESPN fits like a puzzle piece in this humorous script, IMO.
Thanks for your thoughts.

Kay,

Thank you for some helpful tips to improve this. I appreciate your ideas. Still thinking about the details for the clothing in Stanza 1.

Jan

When I watch how you notice me,
how you look at my hair or in my eyes,
or how you glance my way to note
details of what I'm wearing,
I see that you even observe
my jewelry - necklace,
earrings, our diamond.
I know your look is mine.

When you move your fingers
through my long strands, I watch
how you watch me - how you
steer me to a state of relaxation.
Love, your look is mine.

When you move
your newspaper
to stop your reading
to view me as I walk by -
you're magnetized
from across the room.
Baby, your look is mine.

When you stare at me
as you did on our wedding day
with rivers of mounting desires like
no one else in the world matters -
Honey, your look is mine.

When you're watching ESPN
and your favorite game is on
I can forget it -

you'll look at me later!

Greetings Walrus,

Thank you for your thumbs-up for how this one is shaping up.
I appreciate your honest comment.
Regards,
Jan

:) Slip of the keys.
Thanks, Peggy.

~jan

Hello Peggy,

I enjoyed your descriptive writing this morning. My coffee pot is singing right now as I await my first cup. Birds outside are calling me to visit our front porch this AM. Your scene is quite like mine; however, our pine pollen is still in active swing! If windows were opened, I'd have to spend 2 days getting "the yellow" off of everything! haha

Enjoyed your poem.
Jan

Xanadu,

I've tossed the one-line set up within this poem. It is better in a compact design.
As far as your feeling tired with stanza 3, it's a spirit thing . . .what can I say? ~grin
The reader can view the spirit however he/she feels it. Of course, the spirit feels so different to each of us. And this writing is not dwelling on depths as the tone is lightheartedness.

Thanks for dropping by & leaving a few of your thoughts.
Regards,
Jan

Snow,

Thank you for your reply to this writing. I'm planning to take away the one-liners. Let's see how that works here. Again, thanks for your feedback.

Best to you,
Jan

Snow,

I almost knew that would be a suggestion. :)

Here's my thought: the spirit moves in this poem, and those words just wanted to go solo!!! hahaha

Really, if the set-up is best as a more compact design, I certainly can redo that lil' thing. Thanks for your advice to tidy things up here.

Regards,
Jan

Hi, Psyche,

Thanks for stopping by. Come again and tell your thoughts.
Have fun with those unrelenting chores!!!

~Jan

Cleo,

Oh, the first time I read it that eerie vampir-ish feeling came over me. Then I was happy to see in your comments that my inferring was on target. Will return.

Jan

It’s a spirit thing
you think you can’t catch,
but you know you can –
you keep looking back
to feel its magic again.

In each passing day,
it’s coming your way,
moving through in
kaleidoscopic view,
gracing your day
rejuvenating,
renewing you.

In a baby’s smile, a second glance,
a simple touch, a bit of romance,
enticing food boosting the mood,
a delightful song when you sing along,
belly-laughing that leaves you crying,
starlit skies that leave you sighing –
all given times to enjoy before dying.

It’s a spirit thing
you think you can’t catch,
but you know you can –
you keep looking back
to feel its magic again.