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Posted on: Nov 18 10, 14:42 |
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Creative Chieftain
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Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
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Dear Larry, My recent comments to Leo confirm my appreciation for CONTRIVED poetry. Contrived may be harsh, as I refer to verse that must be composed, that is, fit a form or in this case forms. You've spun a work of considerable interest while using required words, the sonnet form and the swap quatrain form. Even a poor effort would be newsworthy. I've never likes suggesting actual modifications, other than typos. However, this one deserves to force me to break my own rules. I wonder about "lays" in line one I like better "lies" and think you might then end line three with " and sees through future's eyes". Line six: "that pick the path" (I love alliteration) Line thirteen: "of KARma ONCE i DREAMED 14: Karma's what I dreamed, or so it seemed. I think your line 12 is masterful, "construed like veins within a leaf". That ties it all up so nicely! Congratulations
Cheers, jgdittier |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #123241
· Replies: 7
· Views: 13,507
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Posted on: Nov 23 09, 12:05 |
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Creative Chieftain
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Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
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Dear Mary, Time for a comment from the faded perspective... As is the usual case with your poetry, it glistens from both its message and its presentation. For me to attempt to improve on it must be limited to a typo! In that it deeserves comment, I'll comment thusly: It seems to me that all the comments are directed totally at the message. Methinks that means the careful form you always supply, the choice of words and their flow, the MUSIC your poetry contains seems to go unnoticed. I know you are adament about your commitment to meter. You amaze me in handling it so well even with your commitment to enjambment, one of the poetry ploys I haven't learned to master. I've long admitted I want the verse I write to be as little like prose as I can make it. I never detect a semblance of prose in your works! Cheers, Ron jgdittier |
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #118642
· Replies: 17
· Views: 6,858
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Posted on: Oct 25 09, 14:17 |
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Creative Chieftain
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Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
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In the land of the fairies, the gnomes and Saint Patrick where black is the cat and the sky's full of bat tricks... Yes it's Ireland we speak of, for mystic they are, as their customs and antics are sometimes bizarre.
Comes the night of all saints, known as All Hallow's Day and the lantern named Jacko, is out on display. Once a turnip they took, and the innards extract, and a fellow named Jack made with Satan a pact. When they came to the states, 'twas the pumpkin they chose, so our lawns house Jack's lantern and my, how it glows!
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Forum: ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011
· Post Preview: #118147
· Replies: 4
· Views: 2,952
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Read our FLYERS - click below
Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning
your writings. ENJOY!
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