Family Circle, inspired by Ae freislighe (??) Options

[Terocon101]

Family Circle

Mother's milk of kind abound.
Father's law unnatural.
Brothers fight on this damned ground.
Sisters complete the cycle.

Family Circle

Mother's milk of kind abound.
Father's law of man unnatural.
Brothers fight on this damned ground.
Sisters continue the cycle.

I hate sounding too preachy but thats how it came out.

Ps. This has four lines and I'm Irish so that makes this Ae freislighe.

Ae Freislighe:pronounced [ay freshly]
Each line of the Ae Freislighe has seven syllables, with lines one and three ending in triple rhymes and two and four with double rhymes. The poem must also end as it began, either with the first syllable, word, phrase, or line.
xxxx(xxa)
xxxxx(xb)
xxxx(xxa)
xxxxx(xb)

On second thoughts; it may not be Ae Freislighe.

Since finding this description of Ae Freislighe's form I've made mine fit the 7 syllable requirement. All I need now is for someone to help me understand what they mean about double rhymes and triple rhymes.

[Eisa]

HI Terry

I'm sorry this one has been sitting here awhile, but I know lots of people are busy or away at the moment.

Mother's milk of kind abound.
Father's law unnatural.
Brothers fight on this damned ground.
Sisters complete the cycle.


I think you fall on the last line here where cycle does not really rhyme with unnatural -- and the meter is not so smooth.

This is an interesting form (new to me) and I will return to this when I have more time to give it some thought.

Snow

Here's one I found with perfect rhymes (even the 3 syllable ones and smooth meter)

Pure promises anointed
In August's early reaping;
Celestial bliss appointed
Our oaths pledged proud for keeping.

A crazy haze September
Now fades the summer's glories;
Maydays we now remember,
Fall bonfires tell the stories.

[Terocon101]

Hi Snow,

Ah sure, of course people are busy or on holidays, life goes on, in spite of my poetic mumblings, lol.
My thanks to you though, for taking the time to reply.

About my offering, I sometimes start a poem expecting to write the usual 12-20 lines but find I'm finished after 4 or 5. That is what happened above. I hadnt written it with any form in mind. But with the info I found here at MM and a few other sites, I learned of this ae freislighe short form, which as it turns out is Irish and/or Celtic,...bonus!
I've eventually figured out what they meant by double and triple rhymes(duh to me) and I'm not put off by the challenge. Mine above might be more hassle than it worth to convert into that form, it might be better to start anew, me-thinks.

The examples you give above, I wondered if they were part of a collection of twelve months of the year? And if so, does this mean there are seasonal requirements in this form too?

My 'pessimistic' little poem is taking me on an unexpected journey, I wonder where I'll end up.

Terry

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Family Circle < I like the title

Mother's milk of kind abound.
Father's law unnatural.
Brothers fight on this damned ground.
Sisters complete the cycle.

Ok... here goes! LOL If lines 1 & 3 are triple rhymes shouldn't they have 3 syllables and lines 2 & 4 have 2 syllables? IMO 'unnatural' and 'cycle' don't rhyme. Lines 1 & 3 could read...

Mother's milk of kind abound
Brothers fight to stay aground

I'm not quite sure what you trying to say in line 2 with unnatural so I don't have a suggestion yet for lines 2 & 4 but I will be back...

Cathy

[Terocon101]

Hi Cathy,

I was trying to make this fit that form but I don't think I can without losing the meaning. So I was gonna call this one a failed experiment and write another with ae freislighe structure in mind(Now that I know what that consist of) but I certainly will consider any suggestions since your working on it,
although its a difficult task. The idea of the Family Circle was:

Mother-Earth(life, kindness, with a little sarcastic ref to Macbeth's crazy wife"milk of human kindness)
Father-laws of man( politics, religion, greed ect)
Brothers-In arms(war, destruction of earth and life)
Sisters-circle of life(doom of repeating mistakes)

Its supposed to be a very pessimistic and dark poem, I probably wrote it after reading the news or something lol. I really wouldn't like you to become depressed trying to work on this poem, so don't spend too much time on it

Terry