 Jacob's Son **** (critique welcomed) REVISED, double ethere . . . from a book title challenge |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Poetry Forums > Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies
 Nov 21 15, 01:51
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori  |
REVISION Gold- wonder kill-shot me a world away; I heard it whisper thru the keyhole, as if it wanted me to peep through. Why did I forsake my homestead for but the prospect of shine shine shine ? I'm charred and scruffed like some fallen angel. Who'd ever find a land more kind than home? But the spectre of night spills darkness; I've become but shadow and bone. The song of Achilles warns about the long walk back. Though Dad bid me go Mom will be there defending Jacob's son © MLee Dickens'son 2013 alluding to the Parable of the Lost Son in Luke 15:11-32 ORIGINAL Since I've not posted here for a while, I thought I might get some new perspective from y'all on a piece (a double ethere <-- click here to see what it is!) I wrote here a couple years ago but never put it up for critique: Jacob's Son Gold- wonder kill-shot me a world away; I can hear the wind thru the keyhole, as of the last policeman's whistle. Why did I forsake my homestead for but the prospect of shine shine shine? I'm charred and scruffed like the fallen angel. Who'd ever find a land more kind than home? But the shadow of night spills darkness; I've become but shadow and bone. The song of Achilles warns about the long walk back. Though Dad bid me go Mom will be there defending Jacob's son. from 15 challenge book titles, in order: Gold, Wonder, Kill Shot, A World Away, The Wind Through the Keyhole, The Last Policeman, Shine Shine Shine, Charred & Scruffed, The Fallen Angel, A Land More Kind Than Home, Shadow of Night, Shadow and Bone, The Song of Achilles, The Long Walk, Defending Jacob ·······  ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Nov 29 15, 07:21
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Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,560 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Liz and Luce...
I've just posted my first REVISION, and I was about to reply to both of you, but my granddaughter is demanding my attention just now, and I have to watch "Little Einsteins" with her. deLighting in your observations, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
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Nov 30 15, 14:12
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 3,822 Joined: 3-August 03 From: Florida Member No.: 10 Real Name: Elizabeth Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori Kanter |
Beautiful reasons.... and a beautiful spring of poetry - So glad to read your work and I remember when Lauren and I watched Little Einsteins (although My new Grandson will be turning 1 soon and he hasn't found any shows of his liking. But he loves to read. Perhaps he will be a mini grandma and be a writer. Hugs, Liz QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Nov 29 15, 07:21 )  Liz and Luce... I've just posted my first REVISION, and I was about to reply to both of you, but my granddaughter is demanding my attention just now, and I have to watch "Little Einsteins" with her. deLighting in your observations, Daniel ······· ·······Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!
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Posts in this topic
JustDaniel Jacob's Son **** (critique welcomed) REVISED Nov 21 15, 01:51 
jerryk QUOTE (JustDaniel @ Nov 20 15, 23:51 ) Si... Nov 22 15, 10:28 
JustDaniel QUOTE (jerryk @ Nov 22 15, 10:28 ) Hi Dan... Nov 24 15, 18:56 Merlin You've done exceedingly well considering it an... Nov 24 15, 12:02 AMETHYST Hello Daniel,
First I adore the form "Ether... Nov 24 15, 21:15 JustDaniel QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Nov 24 15, 21:15 ) Hell... Dec 2 15, 17:01 Luce I like the story behind the poem and you picked a ... Nov 25 15, 01:11 JustDaniel QUOTE (Luce @ Nov 25 15, 01:11 ) I like t... Dec 2 15, 17:22 JustDaniel QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Nov 30 15, 14:12 ) Beau... Dec 2 15, 17:39 Luce Daniel,
My house is quiet now after the Thanksgiv... Nov 29 15, 15:17 JustDaniel QUOTE (Luce @ Nov 29 15, 15:17 ) Daniel,
... Dec 2 15, 17:31 JLY Daniel;
I am always amazed by your ability to crea... Dec 1 15, 07:49 JustDaniel QUOTE (JLY @ Dec 1 15, 07:49 ) Daniel;
I ... Dec 2 15, 17:46 Larry Hi Daniel,
Been away for a few days due to access... Dec 3 15, 10:06 AMETHYST Hello Daniel,
I am going to review the revision ... Dec 5 15, 10:57 JustDaniel Thanks for the revisit, Liz. I didn't realize... Dec 6 15, 04:07 AMETHYST Thank you Daniel,
Well or now, my grandson is a ... Dec 12 15, 21:42 1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
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