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greenwich
post Apr 2 17, 17:04
Post #1


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From: Croydon, Surrey
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Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy



Revision

Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
early morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field
where there is no movement beyond
these summoned thoughts


Original
Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field amber:
where there is no movement beyond
these thoughts summoned.


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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
 
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Eisa
post Apr 12 17, 16:07
Post #2


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Posts: 4,599
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Birmingham, England
Member No.: 12
Real Name: Eira Needham
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Hi Antony - some random thoughts below

Eira


Sometimes here, seems far away,
when you're in the lounge,
morning seems to orchestrate really like this line
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change.
Wish this could last,
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rarefield amber: possibly rare-field
where there is no movement beyond
these thoughts summoned. perhaps 'these summoned thoughts'


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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JustDaniel
post Jun 29 17, 07:48
Post #3


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From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
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Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Greetings, friend:
Just some punctuation and a couple of questions

You know I don't do free verse, but since things have been so quiet, I'm visiting the other side:
QUOTE (greenwich @ Apr 2 17, 18:04 ) *
Revision

Sometimes here(,) seems far away(,);
when you're in the lounge(,)
early morning seems to orchestrate
yet prevaricates,
the possibility of personal change. (I don't understand the connection here ?)
Wish this could last(,)
longer than a radio show;
caught in this rare-field (what IS rarefield??)
where there is no movement beyond
these summoned thoughts

in Light of quiet, Daniel sun.gif


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Slow down; things will go faster!

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greenwich
post Jul 4 17, 09:44
Post #4


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Posts: 256
Joined: 2-November 15
From: Croydon, Surrey
Member No.: 5,284
Real Name: Antony Glaser
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Eira Rhaposdy



The poem is about not sleeping and being in the lounge in dark morning light. Such is a valued time of quietness where life decisions can be made in this tranquillity.
I read that at 04.00 am devils and angels are in conflict with each other.
Rather than rarefield should be used than rarefied.


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Imagination fires the soul, resolution the longing.
 
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Psyche
post Oct 1 17, 02:41
Post #5


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From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting



Hi Anthony,
I hadn't seen this poem before. Been away for some time.
Enjoyed it very much. I think poets are allowed to invent neologisms such as rare-field or rarefield. Or turn nouns into verbs, etc.

I see you've had good suggestions, so I have no nits at all. Except perhaps Daniel's questions as to "what rare-field means". But I read your explanation about the 4 a.m. events, so I better get to bed, as it's now 4.30 a.m. LOL.

Best wishes and congrats on your poem.
Syl*** butterfly.gif



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"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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RC James
post Nov 11 17, 20:39
Post #6


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Real Name: richard chase
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody



I like "longer than a radio show" - good tongue in cheek description - brisk rhythm - well done - RC
 
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