Drought Options

[JaxMyth]

..


I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hello Jax.

What a poignat piece. Some of the things I noted while reading through are the ease of how you convey the story, with each stanza adding to the drama and the realization of the drought to the fence that divides us (that barrier we must face from time to time).

I have a few ideas below for you to ponder as you wish.
Enjoyed this very much!
~Cleo


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I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

I have a slight change on this opening stanza as follows:
We sink the corner posts first, each defining a neighbour.
It’s here where the bottom six inches is most important.
Here, where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
{the bar} [as it] bounces and writhes.

We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note {is} tensioned into voice[;]
the division sings a warning. ( or:
a warning is sung by this division. )

II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.
(Nice imagery! Another idea is;
“The earth hemorrhages dust.”)

My bones {hunker down} [roost] beside the rock. (for alliteration)
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.
Very powerful stanza!

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.
How sad but well done !