Drought Options

[JaxMyth]

..


I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

[Guest_kerri_*]

You've got a great poem going on here, Jax.

I like the steady, measured building of the fence
that combines the physical and psychological
necessity of fences.

In the first stanza, I would leave out the "it is where"
and tighten the lines:

We sink the corner posts first,
each defines a neighbor.
The bottom six inches are the most important,
where strength is muscled into the fence.


I like the second stanza:

"The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes."

I love that heart of a fence lies in its foot
as it made me think of the strength of a fence
or a heart and how strongly it is footed.

This stanza as metaphor is great:

"We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning."

Oh, those times in life when we need
to tighten the wire, and those divisions
that sing or sign a warning.

It does take us a while to hear them, doesn't it.

In this line, I thought there could be another image
that might fit bettter than hunker down...but that is just me.

"My bones hunker down beside the rock."

There are some lines I would tighten.
Ok, just some ideas on the way I would play
with your poem. As always take or leave what works for you or does not.



We sink the corner posts first,
each defines a neighbor.
The bottom six inches are the most important,
where strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug stays and tighten wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice,
the division sings a warning.

The fence I built cannot hold back drought,
the sky aches blue and sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust thick as blood.

My bones lie down beside a rock,
watch eagles hang, wings wind into wire.
heads are nailed down by the sun.

I watch my image fade
in the eye of of lamb.


Just some quick thougths.

Take or leave what works for you.

take care, kerri

[JaxMyth]

You've got a great poem going on here, Jax.

I like the steady, measured building of the fence
that combines the physical and psychological
necessity of fences.

In the first stanza, I would leave out the "it is where"
and tighten the lines:

We sink the corner posts first,
each defines a neighbor.
The bottom six inches are the most important,
where strength is muscled into the fence.


I like the second stanza:

"The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes."

I love that heart of a fence lies in its foot
as it made me think of the strength of a fence
or a heart and how strongly it is footed.

This stanza as metaphor is great:

"We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning."

Oh, those times in life when we need
to tighten the wire, and those divisions
that sing or sign a warning.

It does take us a while to hear them, doesn't it.

In this line, I thought there could be another image
that might fit bettter than hunker down...but that is just me.

"My bones hunker down beside the rock."

There are some lines I would tighten.
Ok, just some ideas on the way I would play
with your poem. As always take or leave what works for you or does not.



We sink the corner posts first,
each defines a neighbor.
The bottom six inches are the most important,
where strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug stays and tighten wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice,
the division sings a warning.

The fence I built cannot hold back drought,
the sky aches blue and sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust thick as blood.

My bones lie down beside a rock,
watch eagles hang, wings wind into wire.
heads are nailed down by the sun.

I watch my image fade
in the eye of of lamb.


Just some quick thougths.

Take or leave what works for you.

take care, kerri

Many thanks Kerri, greatly appreciated.

Regards,

Jax