Drought Options

[JaxMyth]

..


I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces and writhes.

We snug the stays and tighten the wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back the drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into the wire,
heads nailed down by the sun.

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

[Eisa]

Hi Jax

You have some wonderful imagery in this well written piece and there is little to pick at, but I'll offer a few thoughts -- use or lose!

I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

L1 -- I keep wanting to say 'first' at the start of the line
First we sink the corner posts, as each defines a neighbour.

Personally I'm not keen on the repeats in L2&3 -- but that could just be me!

It is here where the bottom six inches are [the] most important,
[It is here] where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces, writhing like a black snake in my hand.

I love the wording in this stanza. 'Tamp' is a word I don't here often and reminds me of my mother -- one of the words she used.

We snug the stays and tighten [the] wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back [the] drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

Wonderful imagery here

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into [the] wire,
heads nailed down by [the] sun.

You have a wonderful way with words

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

I have deleted some of your 'the's as there seems to be a lot of them -- but it's your call.

I've enjoyed buidling this fence

Snow

[JaxMyth]

Hi Jax

You have some wonderful imagery in this well written piece and there is little to pick at, but I'll offer a few thoughts -- use or lose!

I

We sink the corner posts first, as each defines a neighbour.
It is here where the bottom six inches are the most important.
It is here where the strength is muscled into the fence.

L1 -- I keep wanting to say 'first' at the start of the line
First we sink the corner posts, as each defines a neighbour.

Personally I'm not keen on the repeats in L2&3 -- but that could just be me!

It is here where the bottom six inches are [the] most important,
[It is here] where the strength is muscled into the fence.

The heart of a fence lies in its foot.
I tamp until the bar sings of possession,
the bar bounces, writhing like a black snake in my hand.

I love the wording in this stanza. 'Tamp' is a word I don't here often and reminds me of my mother -- one of the words she used.

We snug the stays and tighten [the] wire,
each barbed note is tensioned into voice
the division sings a warning.


II

The fence cannot hold back [the] drought.
The sky aches blue and the sun eats green;
the earth coughs dust as rich as blood.

Wonderful imagery here

My bones hunker down beside the rock.
Eagles hang; wings wound into [the] wire,
heads nailed down by [the] sun.

You have a wonderful way with words

Ribs rack a heaving fleece.
I watch my image fade
from the eye of a lamb.

I have deleted some of your 'the's as there seems to be a lot of them -- but it's your call.

I've enjoyed buidling this fence

Snow

Thank you Snow much appreciated.

Regards,

Jax