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Waltzing Bare, just another horsie poem |
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Guest_Artemis_*
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Sep 14 03, 21:39
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Guest
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Waltzing Bare November 2002 Fires banked by trust and age, matron mare and mellowing woman work a walk till calm and grounded. Then circling until rounded, gently bent, yielding one to the other, they trot in perfect cadence- hand to bit, seat to back, hoof to earth. Answering her rider's hand and the quickening in her own heart, the mare cues up, and canters. Her hocks draw up beneath her. gathering the bright two-beat tempo and lifting into thirds. They waltz! The setting sun spangles the bold little chocolate mare (bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red. Murmuring through half-bare autumn trees, the evening breeze plays Strauss. --gena (Artemis)
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Guest_Jox_*
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Sep 15 03, 03:13
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Hi Gena,
Waltzing Bare Great title!
Fires banked by trust and age, I have thought of many possible interpretations for this line. Can I ask directly what you intended us to think?
hand to bit, seat to back, hoof to earth.
This is very primeval. I like the pathway through from neck/arm to hoof/earth - great use of poetry - a minimal way of expressing much.
They waltz! I shall never think the same of dressage again!
(bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red.
Murmuring through half-bare autumn trees,
This link between nudity and red clothes is very evocative.
the evening breeze plays Strauss.
Heading towards pathetic fallacy here? Anyway, it links well with waltz. (I was just a little disappointed that the breeze did not have a different choice in music. But as it is a waltz...)
OK, now I have upset all Strauss fans on MM..
To sum-up... This is a good poem for several reasons. Firstly, it tells an interesting story. Secondly, it does so in a minimalistic way - there is little or no fat involved. Thirdly, the images are very vivid. Fourth, it is very evocative. Fifth, I wanted the poem to say more. To explain more about the relationship. To venture deeper into the sensuality. That is good - it is when people do not want more that a poet should worry!
Enjoyed this, thank you very much. Tell you what, I'll take your poem but use all the Strauss CDs as coasters!
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Sep 15 03, 11:02
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 532
Joined: 4-September 03
From: Northwest Coast
Member No.: 29
Writer of: Poetry
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This is beautiful Gena.
Although I am not a horsewoman you have made me want to be.
Your images are vivid and the ride is wonderfully described.
I especially enjoyed the last two strophes - great images.
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Sep 18 03, 08:42
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,250
Joined: 2-August 03
From: USA
Member No.: 7
Writer of: Poetry
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QUOTE(Artemis @ Sep. 14 2003, 21:39) Waltzing Bare November 2002 Fires banked by trust and age, matron mare and mellowing woman work a walk till calm and grounded. Then circling until rounded, gently bent, yielding one to the other, they trot in perfect cadence- hand to bit, seat to back, hoof to earth. Answering her rider's hand and the quickening in her own heart, the mare cues up, and canters. Her hocks draw up beneath her. gathering the bright two-beat tempo and lifting into thirds. They waltz! The setting sun spangles the bold little chocolate mare (bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red. Murmuring through half-bare autumn trees, the evening breeze plays Strauss. --gena (Artemis)
Hello Gena~
This is a stunning poem whispering freely, "the waltz of the mare."
The setting sun spangles the bold little chocolate mare (bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red.
***a lovely image
Thanks, for sharing your breezy "trot" with us.
Take care~
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Guest_Brahms_*
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Sep 18 03, 09:10
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Gena, caught by such easy surprise this morn, thanks. Your easy pass through the movements and wonder of being with a horse is so much like how that act can be when well. From 'Answering her owner's hand' to 'Her hocks draw up behind her' you've used important terms to incorporate the reader into the scene in an active manner. Though myself working with horses for just 1.5 years, your writing technique reminds me of the term 'Natural Horsemanship' which seems to respect and allow the Best way of horses in relationship with us. Such is the manner of your poem, solid with appropriate setting detail to then allow the sparseness of the riding experience- free of busy words/action to move in constructive harmony. Quite well done,
Brahms
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Sep 24 03, 05:56
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,552
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori
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Well-murmered, Murm . . . I mean Ma'am!
I love the dance, Gena . . . improves with age. deLightedly, Daniel :sun:
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Sep 27 03, 04:54
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
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[quote]
Hello Gena,
This poem conveys wonderfully the trust, love, and empathy of old friends who know each other's very thoughts.
Fires banked by trust and age, matron mare and mellowing woman
Lovely description of long time trust and love
work a walk till calm and grounded. Then circling until rounded, gently bent, yielding one to the other, they trot in perfect cadence- hand to bit, seat to back, hoof to earth.
I can see this so clearly in my mind's eye
Answering her rider's hand and the quickening in her own heart, the mare cues up, and canters.
Her hocks draw up beneath her. gathering the bright two-beat tempo and lifting into thirds. They waltz!
Rush of excitement here Gena!
The setting sun spangles the bold little chocolate mare (bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red.
All aglow. Wonderful imagery.
Murmuring through half-bare autumn trees, the evening breeze plays Strauss.
This last stanza creates a lovely pastoral scene. Sunny summer evenings are the best times in the world from my point of view. And what is the name of this delightful little lady?
Thank you for sharing this lovely picture with us all.
Grace
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Sep 27 03, 18:01
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 1,547
Joined: 4-August 03
From: Jeddah, Saudi Arabia
Member No.: 13
Real Name: Daniah
Writer of: Poetry
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Oh my sweet Baking Soda!!!!
What a refreshing surprise it is to read you in :open" air again... :) I have missed your blends almost as I have missed you...
Fires banked by trust and age, matron mare and mellowing woman work a walk till calm and grounded. Then circling until rounded, gently bent, yielding one to the other, they trot in perfect cadence- hand to bit, seat to back, hoof to earth.
Both ladies have a fiery nature which is banked when they are together. They move in a trusting rhythm... I love it...
Answering her rider's hand and the quickening in her own heart, the mare cues up, and canters.
Her hocks draw up beneath her. gathering the bright two-beat tempo and lifting into thirds. They waltz!
I remember the feel of that... Gosh! It seems like another lifetime... I can you both walzting to that special tune of mare and woman.
The setting sun spangles the bold little chocolate mare (bare, but for bridle and scarlet rug) Behind confident shoulders flies the walnut-auburn hair of the woman, wearing red.
Murmuring through half-bare autumn trees, the evening breeze plays Strauss.
WOW!!!! Baking Soda!!!! This part is just exquisite!!! The imgery is impeccable and the emotions.. the tranquility... they oneness... I love it!!!!
I am so happy to have caught you!!!! LOL
Love you sis and it's been too long...
Spice!!!!!
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Oct 6 03, 02:15
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 427
Joined: 5-August 03
From: Oregon, USA
Member No.: 8
Real Name: Dolly
Writer of: Poetry
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Hi, hi, hi, Gena!
Well, I am a horsewoman, as you know. Or, at least WAS and hope to be again someday .. actually, I think once a horsewoman ALWAYS a horsewoman!
You've captured so well the feeling of being at one with the horse. I love this poem! Others have already pointed out particular sections that pleased them, but I must say, I enjoyed it all.
Well done, my horsey friend,
Blessings, Dolly
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