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Posted by: ohsteve Jan 29 09, 20:56

I will pour the tea
drink carefully it is hot
it tastes bittersweet.

Posted by: Sekhmet Feb 16 09, 04:48

Hello Steve - Thank you for your Email, explaining that I have to comment on two other short form poems if I wish to offer a first attempt at a Haiku.
As I am totally ignorant of all short poetry forms - I will feel something of a fool, attempting to comment on work I do not fully understand. But, 'rules is rules.' - so here goes ...

Your Haiku seems to follow a different pattern to the one I believed to be the norm. I see that you have used
a 5-6-5 format. Is this yet another version of the standard 5-7-5 form? I read in earlier short form critiques that there were two different Hikau forms - one more obscure than the other - is yours yet another?
I also see that you do not punctuate - is this also a convention for the modern Haiku?
There is so much to learn
I will have to rely on you to guide my first steps in this genre.
I'll try to find another, 'short-former' to pester as well - and then I'll be able to try my hand at a Haiku.
Leo

Posted by: ohsteve Feb 16 09, 10:54

Leo, Thanks for reading, no problem on the personal message, I figured you hadn't quite got the rules straight. As for my poem, it is not Haiku it is senyru and it was supposed to be 5-7-5 I missed a syllable in the second line by the contraction of "it is" to 'it's' have changed that. Yes, Snow stated that she has seen two forms of Haiku although I have not. The difference between Haiku and Senyru is that Haiku usually is referenced to a season or nature where as Senyru deals with all else. The two, two, one rule applies to all critique formats Not just Shogun's. Just remember two days, two critiques, one post. LOL. PS I am not an expert in haiku or Senyru, I just write and post...lol.
Steve

Posted by: Eisa Feb 17 09, 11:18

QUOTE (ohsteve @ Feb 16 09, 15:54 )

Hi Steve, Leo and everyone

I've just come in again with the haiku links I put in Larry's 'Hugs' thread, in case peopel come here wondering what all these versions of haiku are.


The traditional image of haiku based on 5-7-5 syllables is of course true in Japan, but times ideas have changed.
When translating haiku into Japanese, a new problem arises -- one English/Spanish/French syllable can become two or three in Japanese. This is one reason why fewer than 17 syllables in English is the accepted pattern in most Western haiku publications today.
However, the 5-7-5 pattern is still followed by some, with excellent results,but the subject of haiku has resulted in many varying opinions over the years!


If you want to read more on this subject you can follow the linkhttp://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=10208

you can follow some excercises http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=10521

and learn more http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=10395


This is an older link to senryu, which gives more details on actually writing http://forums.mosaicmusings.net/index.php?showtopic=2732

Who would have thought that such small verses could be so complicated! I have learned a bit from other sites too and conciseness in writing seems to be the key. If it reads well with 5/7/5 that's ok, but sometimes it can be trimmed to less than 17 syllables remembering short/long/short line patterning. It's a pity our syllables don't correspond with Japanese.

I am no expert at haiku/senryu, and still flounder at all the various opinions, but I occasionally have inspiration. I feel we should enjoy our writing and not force words into a 5/7/5/ pattern if it's not necessary, but don't avoid it either - just go with the flow & enjoy!

I hope some of this might help

Snow

Posted by: ohsteve Feb 18 09, 18:50

Snow thanks for popping in, I didn't know those links were here or I would have refered Leo to them, I am slowly trying to read my way through them.
Thanks
Steve