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> Hmong Song (Revision 4)
RC James
post Dec 25 15, 16:53
Post #1


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Referred By:Rhapsody




Tabi-Tabi Apo

(Vietnamese Hmong
Speak a tonal language
Their music imitates speech.
Reed notes represent words.)

In these mountains,
age-old harmonies abide.
The bright lilting trill
of a flute, gives us the name
of the owner. The song glances
over terrain in thought
grace-gliding. The shrill whistle
and ratcheting screech of the Taho,
a small green bird, announces dawn.
A waterfall roars and splashes,
birthing a fine spray of mist,
all an unremitting orchestra.

Blow breath, a blade of grass
between lips, they’ll hear it
across the valley, it cuts through
a clutter of tongues.

The land itself exults,
blends with sighs and laughter;
the hammock sways,
sways to the strain;
we celebrate the avowal
we share every dawn.

all of us know the others’ refrain,
and how we proceed, now
that we are on the edge
of knowing the end song.

Tabi- tabi Apo – Let me páss, ancestor.








(Vienamese Hmong
Speak a tonal language
Their music imiates speech.
Reed notes represent words.)

In these mountains,
age-old harmonies
reside. Sounds lived in
tell us the flute has a name,
the name of the owner.
The song glances over terrain
in thought grace-gliding.

Thunder, every bird, waterfalls,
are constant friends.
Blow breath, a blade of grass
between lips, they’ll hear it
across the valley, it cuts
a clutter of tongues.

The land itself exults,
blends with sighs and laughter;
the hammock sways, sways
to the strain, all notes of mine
meet yours between us
to celebrate the avowal
we give each other every dawn.

Hushed, we sing, each of us
knowing the other’s refrain,
the chorus, how we proceed,
now that we are on the edge
of knowing the end of the song.




(2nd revision)
(Vietnamese Hmong
speak a tonal language,
their music imitates speech.
Reed notes represent words.)



In these mountains,
flute, human sounds,
glance through terrain
in mind grace-gliding.
Hammock sways to the strains,
all notes of mine to yours
celebrate the avowal we give
each other every dawn.
Hushed, we sing, each of us
knowing the other’s refrain,
the chorus, how we proceed,
now that we are on the edge
of knowing the end of the song.








sounds embrace and carry us
thunder waterfalls are friends
harmony known for centuries sung
a blade of grass in mouth and lips
can be heard for miles voicing
a language over the clutter
of practiced tongues never heard
in these mountains flute human
glances through terrain in thought
grace-gliding these reassuring
sounds lived in tell us the flute
has a name the name of the owner
name of the song the same the keening
blends with sighing in the hammock
sway to this composition I will sing
notes we cannot tell apart celebrate
the life we give each other every dawn
silent we sing each of us knowing
the other’s refrain the chorus
how we are to proceed now that we are
on the edge of knowing the song’s end









(Vietnamese Hmong
speak a tonal language,
their music imitates speech.
Reed notes represent words.
A blade of grass blown through lips
can be heard for a mile.)


tones and sounds reeds and voice
notes matching from both
harmony known for centuries sung
a blade of grass in mouth and lips
can be heard for miles speaking
a language over the clutter
of practiced tongues never heard
in these mountains flute human
glances through terrain in mind
grace-gliding these reassuring
sounds lived in tell us the flute
has a name the name of the owner
name of the song the same the keening
blends with sighing in the hammock
sway to this composition I will sing
notes we cannot tell apart celebrate
the life we give each other every dawn
silent we sing each of us knowing
the other’s refrain the chorus
how we are to proceed now that we are
on the edge of knowing the song’s end
 
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Critter
post Dec 26 15, 21:47
Post #2


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Real Name: J.S. MacLean (Joe)
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Referred By:Eisa



I like this a lot...as usual you capture the mood and the 'thing'. My only impression besides liking this was that the first (and maybe including the second)line attempted to do too much almost like a second 'introduction'. ...perhaps some of the words are too similar...not sure but in any case it was from L3 that I was into it. Fine work.


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RC James
post Dec 27 15, 00:45
Post #3


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Posts: 250
Joined: 1-November 15
Member No.: 5,282
Real Name: richard chase
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Rhapsody



Critter - Thanks for picking up on that. I can probably do without those first two lines - totally - or come up with a single line with the gist of those two. RC
 
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Psyche
post Jan 8 16, 00:55
Post #4


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Posts: 8,770
Joined: 27-August 04
From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia
Member No.: 78
Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:David Ting




Hi Richard,

I only just saw your enticing piece, so full of musicality. Thanks for the explanation about Vietnamese Hmong having a tonal language. And the reeds...I've heard about that among aboriginal people in S.America. Indeed, when I was a child we had a swamp with lots of reeds and we managed to get some sounds from them.

I'll have to return for another reading. I'm not sure whether you have two poems in the space for revision, or whether it's one poem spaced out. Because the top one is much shorter. There's a lot of delicate content in the second part that's a shame to cut out. Not sure whether you'll understand me!

Back soon,
Syl***


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