 Love lies Deep, love poem |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
 Feb 25 06, 11:04
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#1
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The roots of my life run deeper than any tree,
Lines on my skin show my age not my wisdom. Truth lies in the knowing between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the spring sun, Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Revised thanks to Nina and Cyn Roots of my life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show age not wisdom. Truth lies in knowing the difference between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but for the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each Spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the Summer sun, Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. |
  
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| Guest_Nina_* |
Feb 25 06, 11:18
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#2
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Hi Steve
A lovely, touching love poem. I especially like the last line which highlights how much more important kindness is to knowledge. Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. A few thoughts for you to use or reject as you wish [add] {delete} comment {The} roots of my life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show {my} age not {my} wisdom. ..very true Truth lies in the knowing between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but the whole. ..I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean with this line Knowledge stems from the budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each {s}[S]pring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the {s}[S]pring sun, .awww lovely Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. Roots of my life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show age not wisdom. Truth lies in the knowing between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each Spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the Spring sun, Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. Thanks for the read Nina |
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| Guest_Cathy_* |
Feb 25 06, 14:10
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#3
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Hi Steve,
Lovely poem! The roots of my life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show {my} age not {my} wisdom. You've already established whose ... Truth lies in the knowing between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but the whole. I'm guessing that you mean not to care about the lines, age or wisdom ... but the person as a whole? Knowledge stems from {the} budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than {the} spring sun, Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. This is the kind of love to have ... the kind that looks inside a person instead of concerning him/herself with superficialities. As for the suggestions ... use them or lose them as you see fit. *smiles* Cathy |
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Feb 26 06, 10:21
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#4
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 Creative Chieftain  Posts: 883 Joined: 2-January 06 From: Washington State USA Member No.: 145 Writer of: Poetry |
The roots of
Lines on my skin show Truth lies in Love hides in not caring for either but for the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding Friendships that grow Warmth from the heart is greater than the summer sun, (to avoid spring twice) The Kindness in your eyes, more caring than all I know. I know my suggestions are a little different than the others', but I agree this is a lovely poem and it will work whether you take my suggestions or not Cyn The roots of life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show age, not my wisdom. Truth lies in knowing the difference between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but for the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding leaf, Friendships that grow anew each spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the summer sun, The kindness in your eyes, more caring than all I know. ·······  ······· |
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Feb 27 06, 06:43
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#5
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Ornate Oracle  Posts: 4,592 Joined: 31-October 03 From: New Jersey Member No.: 39 Real Name: John Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Larry Carr |
Steve,
I found your relationship between nature and love to be quite on target. The natural images you brought forth work very well in amplifying your loving theme. I think this stands quite well as it is; just some minor changes which have already been addressed by those more skilled than me. JLY ······· ·······Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.
Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner             |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Feb 27 06, 13:48
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#6
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Thanks to Nina and Cyn for the comments in helping to revise this piece, it was one of those that came out of nowhere and I just wrote it down as was... Thanks to Cathy and John fro reading and commenting also, I think that it reads better with more understaanding now.
Steve |
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Feb 28 06, 18:56
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#7
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Hi Steve
This is a really lovely poem and I feel it could be trimmed back further, for greater impact. Some suggestions. The roots of my life run deeper than any tree, Lines on my skin show my age not my wisdom. Truth lies in the knowing between the two, Love hides in not caring for either but the whole. L1 -- My life's roots L2 -- my lined skin L3 -- truth lies in between the two My life's roots run deeper than any tree, Lined skin shows my age not wisdom. Truth lies in between the two, Love hides in caring for the whole. Knowledge stems from the budding new leaf, Friendships growing anew each spring. Warmth from the heart is greater than the spring sun, Kindness in your eyes more caring than all I know. L1 -- the new leaf bud L2 -- grow L3 -- the heart's warmth Knowledge stems from the new leaf bud, Friendships grow anew each spring. The heart's warmth is greater than the spring sun, Your eyes are more caring than everything I know. Hope something helps -- ignore anything that doesn't Great read Snow ······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner      |
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