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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ It Doesn't Have To Be

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 16 10, 16:58

It Doesn't Have To Be

When I wish that we could start again,
'tis then.
That I remember when,
You came and calmly asked,
are you going home?
They'll come pack your bags
and you'll be gone?

I answered 'It doesn't have to be that way,
it doesn't have to be,
that way.

We can carry on
get married
and I'll not be gone.
That is if that is what you want.
It doesn't have to be that way...

I'm sorry I never asked
you properly--
for we were always meant to be
together for the rest of time.

But my clock is winding down
and it is now I've found.
How much you are a part of me
how much I am a part of you.
I don't want to go with out you,
seems I don't have a choice,
I wish it didn't have to be this way!!

Oct 16, 2010
© Steve Pray

Posted by: Eisa Oct 17 10, 15:11

Hi Steve

I seem to be enjoying your work more and more.
This is written from the heart - it is so human so touching.

I love it!
Snow

Posted by: Alan Oct 18 10, 02:08

Dear Steve,

Fine story, only spoiled by somewhat random puncts ! I don't think you need any help in sorting them, but if you do, I will help !

Love
Alan

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 21 10, 19:50

Eira, Maybe it feels like that, because it is so close to how i and my wife got married. I never did really ask,,,, just said it doesn't have to be that way.
Alan, Please feel free, I can use all the help I can get...lol.

Take care
Steve

Posted by: Psyche Oct 26 10, 18:33

Hi Steve!

Me too, I'm enjoying your heartfelt poetry more than ever, Steve. It has humor, as well!

Nonetheless, I agree with Alan that it has some rather random puncts.
Random Caps, full-stops, commas.... and maybe some rearrangement of phrasing here & there would make it the perfect poem....

Do at least stick 'without' together in the last stanza...LOL....

I relate to your poem, I've had similar experiences, but shan't reveal them here.
Perhaps you'll inspire me.

Hugs, Syl***