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> Heartbeats In The Sand, inspired by Pandora's duet challenge
JLY
post Feb 29 04, 10:44
Post #1


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Referred By:Larry Carr



HEARTBEATS IN THE SAND

It is a quiet Sunday morning
as I drive along the scenic causeway,
searching for that one perfect point
that will provide the most trenchant
unobstructed view of the beach.

As I reflect upon my lyrical dreams,
the tranquility of the pounding waves
renders unblemished images
of peaceful seascape silhouettes.

My cluttered consciousness
brims with a spectrum
of buoyant loving illusions
kindled by two nomadic souls.

On those deliciously distant
balmy moonlit nights,
our hearts rhythmically beat as one
as we lay in the sand
savoring starlight raptures.


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Guest_blondie_*
post Feb 29 04, 18:21
Post #2





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Hi John.

You've given me a lovely piece of poetry to reflect on this rainy afternoon!  Thank you!

I enjoyed your "daydream of the beach."  Great descriptive detail!  

The only suggestion I have would be to change "is brimming" in L3 to "brims." ...OR change "renders" to "is rendering" in L2.

My favorite line....

On those deliciously distant
balmy moonlit nights,
our hearts rhythmically beat as one
as we lay in the sand
savoring starlight raptures.
(great allit throughout! )


Excellent job. :pharoah2

~Amy~
 
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Siren
post Mar 1 04, 04:02
Post #3


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Real Name: Daniah
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John,

I have seen so much growth in your writing and it makes readng you such a treat these days...

What a captivating image you have drawn.

I espcecially loved your use of nomadic souls here...

Beautiful
Daniah


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Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

"A good book is not read and forgotten. It lingers in the mind of the reader, reshaping thoughts, asking new questions, revisiting ancient ones."

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Athena
post Mar 1 04, 04:57
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Real Name: Dolly
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Very nice, John, very sensitively sculpted and presented.  No nits from me.  

Blessings,

Dolly   Pharoah.gif
 
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JLY
post Mar 1 04, 06:51
Post #5


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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



Amy,
Thanks for stopping by and your suggestions are appreciated and I will utilize them in the next revision.
JLY


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Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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JLY
post Mar 1 04, 06:54
Post #6


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Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



Daniah and Dolly,
I am thankful to have your input and I appreciate your very warm thoughts on my latest contribution.
JLY


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Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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Ephiny
post Mar 7 04, 06:52
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From: Ireland
Member No.: 41
Real Name: Lucie
Writer of: Poetry & Prose



Hi John!!

This is marvellous!  You've created a completely new and beautiful scene, with your terrific use of images and words...I love the final stanza, so peaceful and yet so..delicious grinning.gif


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Lucie

"What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern?
Why, what could she have done, being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?"
WB Yeats "No Second Troy"

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JLY
post Mar 7 04, 09:42
Post #8


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Centurion
Posts: 4,592
Joined: 31-October 03
From: New Jersey
Member No.: 39
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



Lucie,
Thank you so much.
JLY


·······IPB·······

Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


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