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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011 _ There is no Balm in Gilead

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 8 10, 07:45

There is no Balm in Gilead

There is no balm in Gilead, today,
two small coffins lay o'er
the empty pits of despair.
The souls of two children have been shattered,
they are not as they used to be.
Fear, horror; sudden sounds
make them jump, but they shed no tears.
There is no belief in them
that a parent has gone so suddenly.
Eight sharp shocks, repeat in their ears,
over and over, even adult minds cannot conceive.
They haven't buried a parent, just the innocence
of what used to be childhood.

Oct 8, 2010
© Steve Pray

Posted by: saore Oct 8 10, 20:09

Steve every time I come and read one of your poems I notice greater and great strength in them. This one is very tight and very beautiful. I have no nits, not a single thing I find needs to be corrected.

Sergio

Posted by: Psyche Oct 10 10, 00:31

Thank you so much, Steve, for this caring, insightful and highly well-written poem.

The metaphorical allusion, mentioning "two coffins", is impressive. So is the finale. The death of innocence, after such a ghastly experience.

I thank you so very much, Steve, for having dedicated this poem to me. My son-in-law's condition had improved, but he's had a setback, we still don't know how severe.

I'll be writing privately to you & others about this, it's not a palatable topic for the forums. I just haven't had the will-power to do so, so far.

Many hugs, and you take care as well, Steve! I admire your stamina, indeed.

Syl***

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 10 10, 02:52

Sylvia, I was so horrified and shocked that this could have happened to someone so close. You hear every day on the news of shootings and gang violence, and it inundates our lives so much that we hardly notice anymore, until it does hit so close to home.. how did we get so uncaring byt the nightly innoculations of newscasters blithely ranting on as quickly as they can just to get past the bad parts. I remember being almost forced to watch the war in Vietnam up close and bleeding. I have finally got to the point where I don't watch the news or read the papers because of these things and no one even the police seem to be able to stop the senseless killing. I am still praying for your son-in-law and for those poor innocent children. This I wrote especially for them and for you to help you grieve. My Doctor sais that you have3 to forgive yourself all the mistakes you think you made in life before you can start to forgive others, and only then can you really grieve for them and for yourself, forgive the fact that you are dieing, because it is not your fault. It just is. I never realized how much anger I had until I let it all go, now I am calmer, and respect myself a lot more.
Sylvia you have been through so much bad stuff lately, I wish I could sweep down and take yo away from all of it just for a week or so and let you just be you. My wife is going to Tennessee for two weeks to visit with a friend, they will knit and gossip, go antique hunting, have late suppers with chocolate desserts, who cares how many calories...just get lost in the friendship. She needs the time off from work and from me, and I understand that. I just wish my friend was closer so I could do that too.
In the meantime my friend and sweet lady please take care of you, there is only so much you can pass around and then you run out....lol.
Lots of hugs and love
Steve

Posted by: ohsteve Oct 10 10, 02:59

Sergio, thanks for your kind words, I am still trying to grow as a poet in many ways, so each comment and critique helps me along the way. I hope that you are doing well, I have been absent for quite a while dealing with my own health problems. I am plunging back into the trials of medications again hoping to find one that will control my diabetes better and on to help with my ever increasing depression.

Take care
Steve

Posted by: Psyche Oct 14 10, 00:46

Thank you again, Steve, for your sincere concern. You're a dear!

I don't want to vent here in the forums, but rest assured that I've filed this poem you dedicated to me in my PC. I shall also make a printout to have it handy. I will treasure it.

Further news will go by PM or other channels.

Many hugs! And I hope your wife had a marvellous time, give her another hug as well.

Love to all your family,
Syl***
PD: I hope to answer comments and/or make overdue crits very soon!

Posted by: Eisa Oct 15 10, 17:04

Hi Steve

A very sensitive poem for our friend - excellent writing! Your work is getting better each time I read it.

Snow

Posted by: dflore Dec 20 10, 12:58

love the moral of this piece