MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM, Wizard and Faery Awards Options

[Cybele]

Faery Award Winner

Celtic Castle Designs


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Celtic Castle Designs

MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

Mischievous Puck,
adorned with floral jewellery,
entices Oberon’s fairies
with a heady cup of foolery.

Midsummer night;
when wine and raucous songs hold sway.
Tipsy pixies take to flight,
carousing through the Milky Way.

Chasing planets
they ride a ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars,
till giddy, one by one they swoon.

The new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.
Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower...


But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

This post has been edited by Cleo_Serapis: Aug 19 06, 10:15

[JustDaniel]

Greetings, Grace...

Our exchanges have been too few and too brief, but I am just heading out the door. I like this extended version of your bit of a tale, complete with the colors, seeming to bespeak the time of night/day and shifting moods as well. Your Brit spelling of "jewellery" [ ours would be 'jewelry' ] was a first look for me. That should tell you a bit of my not being so well-read, huh?

I haven't done much frollicking with pixies and such, so I've always found myself coming up a bit short in critting them, but I wanted you to know that I was out lookin' from behind the mushrooms.

Lightly, Daniel

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Nice to catch up with you again. We are like ships passing in the night!

Our exchanges have been too few and too brief, but I am just heading out the door. I like this extended version of your bit of a tale, complete with the colors, seeming to bespeak the time of night/day and shifting moods as well.

Thank you.

Your Brit spelling of "jewellery" [ ours would be 'jewelry' ] was a first look for me. That should tell you a bit of my not being so well-read, huh?

That's what make life interesting Daniel, Vive la différence!

[Psyche]

Ooooooooooh, Grace, this is getting better & better! Unlike Daniel, I've done an awful lot of spying on elves, pixies and fairies... The farm down in Patagonia was overflowing with them, we had plenty of glades, trees, brooks & ferns... so for lack of real playmates, I joined the fairy troops, even met Queen Tatiana...Was that her name?

steals gently over of waking elves,

You've got an extra "of" here, methinks, you untidy girl !!

then dance and frolic, on the stars
till, giddy, one by one they swoon.

Do you need the comma after frolic? hmmmm......

I'm not sure whether you need to separate the last stanza, Grace, but you better ask the experts about that... Or else, stick the last two lines about the elves to S5, and put Puck on his own with the last 2L, as S6, to "finish off", as you say...

Just ideas, to throw out on the Milky Way, as you please!!!

Before I forget, I believe this is a MUST for Lori's Summer Chapbook. Could you PLEASE suggest it to her, otherwise I might do it myself.... Meanwhile, I'm going over to the Faery Award forum, on urgent business.

This is brilliant, in all respects, Grace.
Hugs, Sylvia

[Cybele]

Hi Sylvia,

Ooooooooooh, Grace, this is getting better & better! Unlike Daniel, I've done an awful lot of spying on elves, pixies and fairies... The farm down in Patagonia was overflowing with them, we had plenty of glades, trees, brooks & ferns... so for lack of real playmates, I joined the fairy troops, even met Queen Tatiana...Was that her name?

Er Titania, Syl. But I don't think any of the fairies ever had the nerve to shorten it, as least not in her Royal presence.

steals gently over of waking elves,

You've got an extra "of" here, methinks, you untidy girl !!

Yes, well, just checking to see if you were awake at the back there!

then dance and frolic, on the stars
till, giddy, one by one they swoon.

Do you need the comma after frolic? hmmmm......

See now that's the trouble with MM. I have a draw full of old commas, and every time I try to sneak one in, someone will always catch me red-handed. (They start off red and then the colour fades with use. Not a lot of people know that Syl, ) So I think I will make it my deliberate mistake in all forthcoming poems. See who catches me out first. (I tried to unload them in the Charity Shop but they refused them. Said there was no market for them. Now if I had any spare question marks, that would be a different matter.)

I'm not sure whether you need to separate the last stanza, Grace, but you better ask the experts about that... Or else, stick the last two lines about the elves to S5, and put Puck on his own with the last 2L, as S6, to "finish off", as you say...

Okay I shall go and sit in a corner and see if I can work this out. Sounds like a complicated chess move to me.

Just ideas, to throw out on the Milky Way, as you please!!!

Tried THAT with the commas too, and got a £10 fine for littering!

Before I forget, I believe this is a MUST for Lori's Summer Chapbook. Could you PLEASE suggest it to her, otherwise I might do it myself....

Er, yes, I did that Syl, thank you for the thought.

This is brilliant, in all respects, Grace.

I am glad you enjoyed it Sylvia. I sat and watched Peter Pan on TV last night and suddenly realised I had a pathetic, lop-sided grin on my face nearly all the way through. That was till I cried while shouting out 'I DO believe in Fairies!'

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Ooooh Grace, so now we can add a pixilated Puck to those pissed (oops, sorry, tipsy) pixies

Fabulous!

Fran

[Cybele]

Hi Fran,




I do hope Elizabeth wasn't l king over your shoulder when you tapped this Fran???

[AMETHYST]

Hi Grace...

I LOVE pixies... I am about to leave from work, but I will try (before I send my computer off to lovely places) to get a full critique in later.

Hugs, Liz

GREAT WORK!

MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

Mischievous Puck,
adorned with floral jewellery,
entices Oberon’s fairies
with a heady cup of foolery.

Midsummer night;
when wine and raucous songs hold sway.
Tipsy pixies take to flight
carousing, through the Milky Way.

Chasing planets
they ride a ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars
till, giddy, one by one they swoon.

The new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.
Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower


But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

[Psyche]

Hi Grace !

I nominated this beautiful poem of yours for a Faery Award, but I don't know whether Lori has seen my nomination (I probably put it in the wrong forum, trust me!!!)

Anyway, if I don't see the plaque over it soon, I shall try again !!!
I really love it, Grace !!!
Hugs, Sylvia ***

[Cybele]

Oh, Sylvia,

That is really kind of you, thank you. That would be just like me to put the posting in the wrong place!

[JustDaniel]

... and like ME to not yet even know ABOUT such things!

sLightly oblivious as usual, Daniel

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel, Nice to hear from you. Hope your health is improving?

[AMETHYST]

Hi Grace,

Sorry about the delay, I had some thought sketched out, very little to offer as nit picking, but I wanted to leave some comments on what really works here.
The technique of using colors to separted each stanza accents the poem well. The title was quite a hook. It stirred my interest and my thirst for a steady well written poem followed.
Some further comments to leave below, I enjoyed this very much!

Best Wishes, Liz

MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

Mischievous Puck,
adorned with floral jewellery,
entices Oberon’s fairies
with a heady cup of foolery.

Great opening stanza. Especially the fresh and unique end rhyme jewellery/foolery. Very nice. Each word adds a full partnership with the whole meaning. Not a word used unnecesarily, nothing felt like filler either. The images are so crisp. In my minds eye, I envision an Imp like mischief maker, all dressed if elaborate gems, and frivilous garments, teasingly acting as a jester and alluring the Fairies from the hiding places...

Midsummer night;
when wine and raucous songs hold sway.
Tipsy pixies take to flight
carousing, through the Milky Way.

The loveliness of this stanza, the story unfolds, the visuals are clear and starkly vivid. The image of the drunken Pixies, weeving about the universe... I liked the sonics of tipsy pixies... and raucous/carousing ... both are excellent words for form, sound and meaning. Lovely, crafting.


Chasing planets
they ride a ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars
till, giddy, one by one they swoon.

Minor suggestions here:
In L2 & L3 a couple of thoughts perhaps ...
they ride the ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars
till giddy, one by one they swoon.


The new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.
Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower

Wonderful use of a double iamb in L3... smooth and natural off the tongue.
The final line of this stanza, breaks up the nicely achieved meter till that point. Perhaps...
sprinkles soft sparkles; on fern flower



But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

BEAUTIFUL ENDING.

I would like the second this for the Fairy Award, if that is how it works. I thought this was written with skill, wonder and was a pleasure to read.

Hugs, Liz

Thank you for the splash of a reminder what it is like to be young at heart again!

[Cybele]

Hi Liz,

Liz ~

Sorry about the delay, I had some thought sketched out, very little to offer as nit picking, but I wanted to leave some comments on what really works here.
The technique of using colors to separted each stanza accents the poem well. The title was quite a hook. It stirred my interest and my thirst for a steady well written poem followed.
Some further comments to leave below, I enjoyed this very much!

No problem, I am always late to the party myself!

Liz ~
MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

Mischievous Puck,
adorned with floral jewellery,
entices Oberon’s fairies
with a heady cup of foolery.

Great opening stanza. Especially the fresh and unique end rhyme jewellery/foolery. Very nice. Each word adds a full partnership with the whole meaning. Not a word used unnecesarily, nothing felt like filler either. The images are so crisp. In my minds eye, I envision an Imp like mischief maker, all dressed if elaborate gems, and frivilous garments, teasingly acting as a jester and alluring the Fairies from the hiding places...

Thank you Liz.

Liz ~
Midsummer night;
when wine and raucous songs hold sway.
Tipsy pixies take to flight
carousing, through the Milky Way.

The loveliness of this stanza, the story unfolds, the visuals are clear and starkly vivid. The image of the drunken Pixies, weaving about the universe... I liked the sonics of tipsy pixies... and raucous/carousing ... both are excellent words for form, sound and meaning. Lovely, crafting.

Yes, the image of thousand of tipsy fairies rising up joyously into the night sky is perhaps my favourite.

Liz ~
Chasing planets
they ride a ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars
till, giddy, one by one they swoon.

Minor suggestions here:
In L2 & L3 a couple of thoughts perhaps ...
they ride the ghost-pale, sickle moon,
then dance and frolic on the stars
till giddy, one by one they swoon.

I used ‘a’ Liz, to indicate a particular type of moon on this Midsummer Night. Perhaps ‘the’ will works as well. I’ll ponder that one if I may?

Now, as to the comma on the last line. Anyone here will tell you that I am secretly a comma millionaire (that’s how big a secret it is ) I keep trying to spend them but nobody will let me. OK out it comes

Liz ~
he new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.
Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower

Wonderful use of a double iamb in L3... smooth and natural off the tongue.
The final line of this stanza, breaks up the nicely achieved meter till that point. Perhaps...
sprinkles soft sparkles; on fern flower

Last line Liz, I like the alliteration of sprinkles soft sparkles, but fern flower doesn’t work for me. I don’t that ferns actually have flowers, but the idea was to spread it around. To used this lovely alliteration I would have to change the meter and lose the word ‘flower’. I will give it some thought though, thank you.



Liz ~
But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

BEAUTIFUL ENDING.

Thank You Liz. I can imagine that this is what the irresponsible mischief maker would do!



Liz,
I would like the second this for the Fairy Award, if that is how it works. I thought this was written with skill, wonder and was a pleasure to read.

Hugs, Liz

Thank you for the splash of a reminder what it is like to be young at heart again!

Thank you very much Liz. I like your last remark especially since I am now in my 70th year outwardly, (but stuck at 36 inwardly) !

[Cleo_Serapis]

Congrats Grace on your Faery award winning tile!

Well done!

~Cleo

[Cybele]

Hi Lori,

I should like to thank Sylvia and Liz for nominating this poem for the Faery Award (how apt) (that looks more like a mosquito than a fairy emoticon to me.)

I think the picture on the Faery Award is really beautiful Lori, and I am very proud to receive it.

[Psyche]

Ahhh, Grace, how lovely the plaque looks above your poem!! I'm so glad Lori and Liz agree with the nomination. It's very well deserved.

Ya know, Grace, I only just noticed your joke about Queen Titiana...
No, I don't think anybody would dare call her Queen Tit for short !!!
(I wonder whether tits were, er... breasts in Shakespeare's time, couldn't they also refer to a species of bird? Such a Blue Tits, or am I jumping even further into ridicule... )

Well, Lori has been helping me find the right forums for this & that, but I'm afraid there must be a naughty elf or pixie inside me, coz I quite enjoy disobeying the rules!!!

Hugs, Sylvia

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Grace.

Congrats again on this fantasical poem!

My onliest nit is one of a visual preference and one of punctuation:

The new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.
Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower[...]


But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.


Since the other stanzas all have four lines each, I recommend taking the last two in this fashion:

The new dawn’s light
steals gently over waking elves
shaking the stardust from their wings
on cobwebs, as they groom themselves.

Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower...
But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

I adore these last two stanzas - sprinkles sparkle, fern & flower, pixilated Puck... The visuals are so strong throughout!

Well done!
~Cleo

[Cybele]

Hello Sylvia,,,(Trying to offload a few commas here!

Ahhh, Grace, how lovely the plaque looks above your poem!! I'm so glad Lori and Liz agree with the nomination. It's very well deserved.

Yes, Sylvia. thank you. It is such a beautiful plaque and so appropriate to the poem. (Only thing is that this one looks completely sober to me)

Ya know, Grace, I only just noticed your joke about Queen Titania...
No, I don't think anybody would dare call her Queen Tit for short !!!
(I wonder whether tits were, er... breasts in Shakespeare's time, couldn't they also refer to a species of bird? Such a Blue Tits, or am I jumping even further into ridicule...

Here is a link to a Shakespeare site which I absolutely love Sylvia.

http://www.william-shakespeare.info/site-map.htm

It even has a Shakespearean dictionary! When you have the time go and have fun!!

Well, Lori has been helping me find the right forums for this & that, but I'm afraid there must be a naughty elf or pixie inside me, coz I quite enjoy disobeying the rules!!!

Rules, schmules. Rules are there to be broken (but don't tell Lori I said that! )

[Cybele]

Hi Lori,

Thank you for your lovely comments. I wish my dishevelled faeries looked as beautiful as yours this morning, but I'm afraid they're a sorry bunch today.



Their staggered flight
sprinkles sparkles on fern and flower...
But still, the pixilated Puck
is slumbering in his woodland bower.

I do like the ellipses Lori but I still think I want to keep the last two lines separate, to emphasise that Puck is sleeping the sleep of the innocent, as if he had nothing whatsoever to do with the party last night. He knows complaints will come in thick and fast from the forest creatures and he doesn't wish to incur Oberon's wrath!

Sorry my imagination is carrying me away again. (Sometimes I think I should be carried away by the men in white coats!)