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> Heralds of Springtime (Rev 2/New Title 14 Apr 2009), haiku
Maggie
post Mar 28 09, 19:20
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Heralds of Springtime (Revision 2)

Pear blossom petals
dapple young sprouting grasses,
heralds of springtime.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood



Classic Spring Heralds (Revision 1)

Pear blossom petals
dapple young sprouting grasses,
classic spring heralds.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood



The Heralds of Spring (Original)

Pear blossom petals
dapple young sprouting grasses,
the heralds of spring.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood


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Arnfinn
post Mar 30 09, 03:22
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G'day Peg,



The Heralds of Spring

Pear blossom petals
dapple young sprouting grasses,
the heralds of spring. >>>> Dunno Peg. How about; 'a herald of Spring.'


Just me old Aussie view. Our spring, springs when everyone else's has sprung
Then again, June is bustin out all over. She's a BIG girl.

I'mmmmmmmmmmmm off.


John


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Maggie
post Mar 30 09, 07:10
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Hi John,

It's interesting that you also thought of making "heralds" singular. I wondered about that myself! I'm still pondering it!

That's right! Is it fall in Australia now?

Good to hear from you!!! Thanks for reading and pondering!!

Peggy


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Arnfinn
post Apr 2 09, 04:36
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Yeah, Peg. Autumn is falling all over the place.

What do ya think. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif



John troy.gif


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Arnfinn

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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Apr 2 09, 11:27
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Peggy, I understand why John might have wanted it change to singular but "petals, and grasses are plural and I feel 'heralds' should be plural too... don't know... I am not an english major...lol
 
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Maggie
post Apr 3 09, 12:35
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Hi Steve,

Thanks for reading and your comment. You are right: "Heralds" does need to be plural because "petals" and "grasses" are plural. Thanks!

Peggy


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Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 3 09, 17:51
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Hi Peggy,

A lovely image! lovie.gif

I would suggest substituting 'the' in L3 with a descriptive word like 'stark' or 'bright' - something along those lines and also a semi-colon after grasses.

Enjoyed the read,
~Cleo galadriel.gif


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Maggie
post Apr 3 09, 19:00
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Hi Cleo,

Thank you for reading, commenting, and the suggestion of a one-syllable descriptive word!! I'll get out the thesaurus as well as give it some thought. Can't use the semi-colon though. The last line functions as an appositive and should be separated from the rest of the sentence with a comma.

Peggy


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Maggie
post Apr 4 09, 07:42
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Hi folks,

Is the revision any better?

Peggy


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Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 4 09, 07:50
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Hi Peggy,

This one is getting there! gardener.gif Not sure about 'classic' though. Here are a few other options for your consideration:

Heralds of springtide

or

Heralds of seedtime

Cheers
~Cleo arwen.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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ace
post Apr 5 09, 15:13
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Peggy:

This one is certainly getting there...in fact it may have arrived.

With respect to the "herald"-"heralds" issue: while grasses and petals are plural, they could have a single herald; but I like the idea of three or four men with long horns playing to welcome spring.


ace
 
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Maggie
post Apr 6 09, 19:00
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Hi Cleo and Ace,

Thank you both so much for dropping in!! Much appreciated!! Right now I'm putting this poem on hold to think about it for a bit. Maybe something will come to me, as I'm not sure if it's finished or not. Thanks again for your comments!!

Peggy


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Maggie
post Apr 14 09, 06:21
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Hi again folks,

I've changed the title again and the last line. What do you think?

Peggy


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Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 14 09, 07:20
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Peggy,

nicerev.gif

Yeserie, I think this one is ready for the 'done' file.

Beautiful! cloud9.gif

~Cleo rose.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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Maggie
post Apr 21 09, 10:39
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Hi Cleo,

Thanks so much for sticking with me on this!!

Peggy


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