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> Tom, A dialogue
Arnfinn
post Apr 28 13, 23:11
Post #1


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With thanks to Snow.

Same words different arrangement.

Thank you.
John



Tom

Tom, trapped in a world of smug acceptance.
The illiterate soul waiting
for Saturday and yester-years cartoons.
Tom, neurons strained by dim voltage,
pressured and screwed down to acceptance of no acceptance.

Existence is a blank page.
Institutional remedies reflect featured smiles,
and pats of good boy sentiments.
Good for whom?
Not for Tom.

Tom is an alcoholic—wants out for a drink.
Pressure—pressure—pressure.
He sits in the foyer… helping out where he can.
He craves a schooner.
He can see in his “minds-eye” the grey misty glass and the frothy head.

“No, Tom you cannot go out—no bus trips for you”.
“You sit in your chair and do something.”
He gives a smirk; can’t wait for Saturday.

John Macleod © 2012


Original:

Tom

Tom trapped in a world of smug acceptance.

Tom the illiterate soul waiting for Saturday and yester-years
cartoons.

Tom, neurons strained by dim voltage, pressured and screwed down to acceptance of no acceptance.

Existence is a blank page.

Institutional remedies reflect featured smiles, and pats of good boy sentiments.

Good for whom?

Not for Tom.

Tom is an alcoholic—wants out for a drink.

Pressure—pressure—pressure.

He sits in the foyer… helping out where he can.

He craves a schooner.

He can see in his “minds-eye” the grey misty glass and the frothy head.

“No, Tom you cannot go out—no bus trips for you”.

“You sit in your chair and do something.”

He gives a smirk; can’t wait for Saturday.

John Macleod © 2012


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Arnfinn

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Psyche
post May 2 13, 01:06
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Hi Arnie! pinkpanther.gif

I've read your piece but feel dim at this hour, 3 a.m. charliebrown.gif

Could you tell me a little about Tom? Is there a cartoon character stuck in here, whom I might not know?

Why and by whom is he treated that way, having to get permission, waiting for Saturday, etc.? ghostface.gif

Is he in an institution? What will he get on Saturday? No drinks, I presume.

I like your piece, just want to let you know I've read it but need time to comment.

Cheers,
Syl*** cheer.gif



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Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Eisa
post May 2 13, 17:56
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Hi John

I think this has the potential to be a very strong poem, but have to agree with Sylvia that it could be made clearer - perhaps a little more detail.

Snow Snowflake.gif


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Arnfinn
post May 3 13, 05:48
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Tom is in his 50’s, an illiterate, alcoholic, and temporary resident at a local aged hostel, was assigned to me. He loved farms; he grew up in a Catholic boy’s home, ‘a farming environment’, worked in the homes piggery from aged 8. Tom was a good bloke we had many enjoyable visits to all types of animal farms in the Berry district. On other occasions we would visit museums and special restaurants where we could sing- a-longs to old time songs.
Tom’s favourite pastimes was watching Saturday’s cartoons and doing Jig-Saw puzzles.
Tom’s favourite movie actor was the monkey in Clint Eastwood’s “Every Which Way But Loose”.
We had one thing very much in common we both shared the same birth date: 27, June.
If Tom liked something, anything, at all, it was— “spot on”.
Tom’s downfall is drink and if we happened to be in town or a city he would always tug my arm to go for drink before we reached our destination and would curse me at the knockback.

Tom has moved out of my area. He has moved up to Wollongong and is being looked after another volunteer group.

When I visited he seems to be (though fragile) holding up OK.

As I said-- Tom is a good companion and a friend. troy.gif

Regards,

John



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Arnfinn

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Maureen
post May 3 13, 19:42
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The fact that Tom likes Clyde the orangutan in the Clint Eastward movie doesn't surprise me - perhaps he feels a connection because Clyde was supposedly beaten by his trainer back in the late 1980's for stealing food and then later died of a cardiac arrest. He was surplus to 1982 zoo requirements for a genetic breeding program which was how he ended up being in 'show business' and was trained by being beaten to make him docile and to make him conform. Not a lot of difference really is there?

Toms downfall is drink - Clyde's downfall was doughnuts.

I like your poem John - its story is sad. I hope its ending is happy.

Cheers

Maureen



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Arnfinn
post May 7 13, 05:29
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G'day Maureen,


Yeah, we should help others.

To many people are self centered their lives are unrewarded. pinkpanther.gif minniemouse.gif

Tom has had are hard life.

He deserves friendship.

John troy.gif


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Psyche
post May 8 13, 16:50
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Dear Arnie, pinkpanther.gif

Thanks so much for filling us in on Tom and his life.

Your piece means a lot to me now. I'm glad he's been lucky enough to have you as a friend. I know you love him sincerely. Pity Tom was moved elsewhere, you must miss each other. But a relief to know he's OK. JackBox.gif

Are you still visiting folks who need a friend? You're a kindly person. Not everybody will do that sort of social work. bowdown.gif

My husband's friends don't ever visit him in the nursing-home. One of them told me outright that he preferred to take care of his own health, which would be harmed if he saw all those oldies with various sorts of dementia. ghostface.gif

On the other hand, a few ex-patients visit their sick doctor regularly. Two of them even contribute money to help pay the bill (private home, the state ones are awful). It's comforting to know that they appreciated him as their physician. He was the kind of doctor who wouldn't charge any fees to poor patients; in fact, when saying goodbye, he'd hand them a bag of supermarket stuff he'd purchased for them previously! He'd also visit the sick in their homes and not charge if they were hard up! cloud9.gif

When my son had Motor Neuron Disease, friends became scarce, girlfriend couldn't take it, my female friends also made a wide circle around my home. They also said that they "couldn't bear to see a formerly healthy youngster deteriorate physically". At first they'd phone in, but when my son became unable to talk, calls also faded away... mellow.gif

One eventually needs paid carers. Voluntary ones don't abound for the terminally ill. Even family members, a brother, a sister, father or mother, take off. Reality in a nutshell. Juggle.gif

So I'm glad to know that my good friend Arnie is such a caring person, happy to receive affection in return. That's the best! lovie.gif

I now love your piece!

Hugs,
Sylvia*** cheer.gif





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Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

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Arnfinn
post May 18 13, 09:16
Post #8


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G'day my dear friend Sylvia. pinkpanther.gif minniemouse.gif

Tom is in a hostel/home with four others (his own age). The facility is funded by the RSL Australia and the Salvation Army.

I had my doubts but Tom (my true friend) pinkpanther.gif is doing fine.


Claire is my new assignment.

Regards,

John



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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Eisa
post May 21 13, 14:47
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Hi Arnie

Thanks for explaining about Tom - it is much clearer now. I am so thankful there are people like you around to care.

I think it might be the formatting of your poem that doesn't make it so easy to understand. I have taken the liberty of reorganising your lines, just to see if it is any better. I'm not sure - something to think on!

Snow Snowflake.gif



Tom

Tom, trapped in a world of smug acceptance.
The illiterate soul waiting
for Saturday and yester-years cartoons.
Tom, neurons strained by dim voltage,
pressured and screwed down to acceptance of no acceptance.

Existence is a blank page.
Institutional remedies reflect featured smiles,
and pats of good boy sentiments.
Good for whom?
Not for Tom.

Tom is an alcoholic—wants out for a drink.
Pressure—pressure—pressure.
He sits in the foyer… helping out where he can.
He craves a schooner.
He can see in his “minds-eye” the grey misty glass and the frothy head.

“No, Tom you cannot go out—no bus trips for you”.
“You sit in your chair and do something.”
He gives a smirk; can’t wait for Saturday.


·······IPB·······

Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post May 23 13, 16:15
Post #10


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Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting



Great news!

And lucky Claire. God bless all of you.

Hugs, Syl***



QUOTE (Arnfinn @ May 18 13, 12:16 ) *
G'day my dear friend Sylvia. pinkpanther.gif minniemouse.gif

Tom is in a hostel/home with four others (his own age). The facility is funded by the RSL Australia and the Salvation Army.

I had my doubts but Tom (my true friend) pinkpanther.gif is doing fine.


Claire is my new assignment.

Regards,

John



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post May 23 13, 16:29
Post #11


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Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting




Hi John and Snow, butterfly.gif

John, your poem is truly fantastic, now that Snow has arranged the lines.
Before (sorry), it seemed as if you'd slapped lines on the screen with the intention of tidying them up, sometime.
The way I do on Word, and then never get back to them.. madhatter.gif

In fact, it's pure philosophy and reflection now. Deserves a nom! Can I nom it for IBPC? Oops, is that mean't to be private?

Anyway, it's outstanding, it touches this reader very much. goodjob.gif

Snow, I'll give you your share of the merit...LOL...

Hugs, cloud9.gif
Syl***


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Arnfinn
post Jun 5 13, 08:06
Post #12


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G'day I know I'm a bit late.

Yes Snow a good piece of editing. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif

Ok by me.


Thank you Sylvia, my friend, we seem to be together (a lot) in the gallery of contemplation. minniemouse.gif pinkpanther.gif


Regards,


A


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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saore
post Jun 5 13, 17:18
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I really enjoyed Snow's revision and line arrangement. It is a wonderful poem.

Sergio


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Psyche
post Jun 18 13, 23:54
Post #14


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Hey Arnie! pinkpanther.gif

Come on over and post the revised version of this great poem, Tom. rollerskater.gif

You and others, including myself, have said they like it the way Snow rearranged your lines, but we can't nominate it for IBPC unless you put a revision at the top. Maybe you wan't to tweak it a little differently, we can't nom it until you see about this.

Please do! Love it! JackBox.gif

Hugs, Syl*** lovie.gif



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Arnfinn
post Jun 21 13, 05:05
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G'day Sylv and Snow.


Mission accomplished.

troy.gif minniemouse.gif minniemouse.gif

Regards


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Psyche
post Jun 22 13, 13:24
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Great, Arnie! pinkpanther.gif

I'll come back to re-read and do the nom in the correct place asap. I'm going out now!
Cheers,
Syl***


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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saore
post Jun 23 13, 07:50
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I like your revision John, it flows.

Sergio


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Psyche
post Jul 4 13, 20:50
Post #18


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Here I am, Arnie, at last. Sorry for the delay. And it's also my fault this poem is going to IBPC for August, because at the last moment I remembered that my own poem had been published, and that's not allowed with these people. I told Lori in the nick of time... rollerskater.gif

Now that Snow has rearranged your lines, I hope you don't mind if I make one or two nits, to TOT. pinkpanther.gif



QUOTE (Arnfinn @ Apr 29 13, 02:11 ) *
With thanks to Snow.

Same words different arrangement.

Thank you.

John


Tom

Tom, trapped in a world of smug acceptance. <<<<Perhaps start poem without 'Tom', as he's so close, in the title.


The illiterate soul waiting
for Saturday and yester-years cartoons.<<<<<If you put 'years', wouldn't it need an apostrophe? Not sure.. BTW, don't you mean Tom is sitting among those cartoons? Or will they be wherever they take him on Saturday?

Tom, neurons strained by dim voltage,
pressured and screwed down to acceptance of no acceptance.


Maybe:

Tom

Trapped in a world of smug acceptance,
an illiterate soul waiting
for Saturday, amongst yester-year cartoons.
Existence is a blank page.
Institutional remedies reflect featured smiles(,)
and pats of good boy sentiments.
Good for whom?
Not for Tom.



Tom is an alcoholic—wants out for a drink.
Pressure—pressure—pressure.
He sits in the foyer… helping out where he can.
He craves a schooner. <<<<<I had to look this one up!! Perhaps it's used in Australia?

He can see in his “minds-eye” the grey misty glass and the frothy head.
>>>>>>I don't think you need to use " ..." for mind's eye.


“No, Tom you cannot go out—no bus trips for you”.
“You sit in your chair and do something.”
He gives a smirk; can’t wait for Saturday.

Will he get his beer on Saturday? Will some good friend take him out and allow him a couple of beers? Hmm....Maybe you could hint at that, sort of to round it off. But my mind is dim, over to you!

Everything is ToT, I love your poem. It gives one a good visual image of institutional life. Sad, but true.

Love, Syl***















Tom

Tom trapped in a world of smug acceptance.

Tom the illiterate soul waiting for Saturday and yester-years
cartoons.

Tom, neurons strained by dim voltage, pressured and screwed down to acceptance of no acceptance.

Existence is a blank page.

Institutional remedies reflect featured smiles, and pats of good boy sentiments.

Good for whom?

Not for Tom.

Tom is an alcoholic—wants out for a drink.

Pressure—pressure—pressure.

He sits in the foyer… helping out where he can.

He craves a schooner.

He can see in his “minds-eye” the grey misty glass and the frothy head.

“No, Tom you cannot go out—no bus trips for you”.

“You sit in your chair and do something.”

He gives a smirk; can’t wait for Saturday.

John Macleod © 2012


·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Psyche
post Jul 4 13, 21:06
Post #19


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Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Grace Galton & David Ting





Arnie, you've time to think this one over. I'll nominate it in the correct forum, but Lori won't send it off until end of July.

Meanwhile, it would be lovely to read more of your poems. I like these about the people you accompany in hostels. You've mentioned a lady, Claire.

Hugs, Syl*** lovie.gif



·······IPB·······

Mis temas favoritos



"There is no life higher than the grasstops
Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind
Pours by like destiny, bending
Everything in one direction."

Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights.



Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Jul 20 13, 10:29
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G'Day mate! wave.gif

John troy.gif - how ya doin'? Are we going to be sending this one in for the August IBPC?

Cheers,
~Cleo


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
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RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 10th December 2019 - 11:45




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