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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Fixed Form and Rhyming Poetry for Critique -> Herme's Homilies _ Kisses from the Hearth

Posted by: Larry Oct 30 14, 09:23

I belong to a few poetry sites and saw a pictorial challenge of an animated fireplace (much too late to participate).
One couldn't mention fire or flame in the poem/prose answer but the muse hit me and this is what I got from the challenge:

First Revision - Thanks Lori

Kisses from The Hearth

Awakening with just a breath of air,
her resurrection from a dreamless sleep
is slow and subtle. Arms reach out to share
a warm embrace which, hopefully, will keep
you near her crimson lips. Soft amber eyes
will tease you with a quick flirtatious wink,
then fluttering they strive to hypnotize.
That sinuous ballet will make you think
of some exotic dancer from the east...
a cunning ploy devised to lure you near.
She’s nothing but a monster and a beast
you feed or cage because of primal fear.
Those fleeting visions fade within your head;
for titillating tongues will leave you dead.

L7 did read: Curvaceous dance, with limbs that make you think
L9: Changed "goddess" to "dancer"
L10 did read: is nothing but a ploy to lure you near.

Posted by: jerryk Oct 30 14, 11:38

I like this write very much, Larry.
Maybe I'm too much into the spirit of upcoming Halloween, but I feel the supernatural radiating from your fireplace. There's something about making a fire and watching it grow that had always mesmerized mankind. My saddle club cronies plan on building a big bonfire in the desert. But we won't douse it with beer; that's reserved for us guys. No critic from me, my friend. Kisses from the hearth is a wonderful title, and to liken the flame to an enticing woman rings my chime.
Wishing you a great Halloween,
Jerry

Posted by: Larry Oct 30 14, 17:25

Jerry,

Thanks for the visit and the nice words. I always loved a nice fire in the fireplace or (especially) in the great
out of doors while camping, fishing or just having a weenie/marshmallow roast.

Enjoy your holiday and I'm glad your prior note about "quitting" was merely exasperation because of your malady.

Larry

Posted by: Psyche Nov 7 14, 16:00

Hi Larry,

I too sense a Halloween-ish wicked, female power emanating from your fireplace. Some super-natural forces in those flames you were not allowed to mention.

Hearths certainly hypnotize. As a child, I'd sit in front of ours and dream up fantasies whilst watching the changing red coals or fire. Same with campfires...

Certainly fits in with Halloween, whatever sort of beast or monster needs to be caged!

Glad I stepped in here. Wish more members would show up.

Cheers, Syl***

Posted by: Larry Nov 7 14, 17:17

Hi Syl,

Glad you dropped in for a read and comment. I, too, wish more people would come to visit or post or ?????.

Didn't mean for this to be Halloween-ish; just a feeling I always get when staring into a fireplace or campfire.
The flames seem to dance and move and "off I go" into never-never land.

Thanks and I'm happy my poem gave you the same feelings I have.

Larry

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 10 14, 08:14

Hi Larry,

How are you? I always enjoy reading your poetry and your title selections definitely draw me in!
Oh, I love the ending - not what I expected! There are just few lines I noted for your review below.

Curvaceous dance, with limbs that make you think --> I wonder if you'd consider a replacement for the word limbs? Perhaps moves?
of some exotic goddess from the east,
is nothing but a ploy to lure you near. --> I wonder if there is a sub for the words 'is' and 'nothing (since using it again later)'? Maybe 'It's only just a ploy to lure you near'?

She’s nothing but a monster and a beast
you feed or cage because of primal fear.
Nice!!!!

Enjoyed the read Larry!

Cheers,
~Cleo

Posted by: Larry Nov 11 14, 00:14

Hi Lori,

I'm doing fine but am very busy with our crafts. This is our busiest time of the year so we work hard to replace
what we have sold the prior week.

Your suggestions did cause me to think about redundancy and word usage so I did a couple of changes which I
hope you will like.

Larry

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 11 14, 13:46

Hi Larry,

I am beyond busy myself - I wish you well with your crafts!

I am debating whether to post the holiday contest this year since the forum is less active these days.

I do like all three changes and love it!

Well done!

~Cleo

Posted by: Larry Nov 11 14, 20:06

Hi Lori,

Glad you liked the changes. It's doubtful I'll receive any more critiques due to the extreme lax attendance
in these forums.

I'd say forget about the holiday contest. If there are more than three entries, I'd be surprised. I'm working
on a sonnet now that I was going to post in the next few day about the fall season and its gaudy display of
leafs changing colors. Working out a few kinks in the format and rhyme scheme but I'll get there eventually.

Larry

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 12 14, 07:44

Hi Larry,

I look forward to reading your newest sonnet! I am working on one too.

Cheers,
~Cleo

Posted by: JustDaniel Nov 12 14, 14:47

I cannot comment, 'cause my tongue was burnt
from touching yours. You'd think I woulda learnt!

Lightly, Daniel

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 17 14, 15:16

LOL

Posted by: Arnfinn Apr 29 15, 07:46

G'day Larry, old mate.

Long time since I metre.

There is plenty of fire in the woman and plenty of woman in the fire.

As you politely muse.

Regards,

John