Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Quatre-par-Huit (Four-by-Eight) Octa-Quad, new form by Cleo - Jan 01 2006
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 1 06, 15:19
Post #1


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Quatre-par-Huit (for those who enjoy tetrameter) – created Jan 01 2006 by Lorraine M Kanter

In the tradition of the Trois-par-Huit poetic form I created last December, I’ll call this variation:  Quatre-par-Huit

This 'Four by Eight’ or ‘Octa-Quad’ has similar rules as that of the Trois-par-Huit in that it is a poem containing 8 lines, displayed visually with three stanzas of either tercet, tercet, couplet  (3, 3, 2) OR tercet, couplet, tercet (3, 2, 3) and looks best when center aligned as follows;

1. The title is also the final line.

The line length requirements:
Line 1 ~ 4 syllables
Line 2 ~ 8 syllables
Line 3 ~ 12 syllables

Line 4 ~ 16 syllables
Line 5 ~ 16 syllables

Line 6 ~ 12 syllables
Line 7 ~ 8 syllables
Line 8 ~ 4 syllables (is the title and summarizes the meaning of the poem)

The rhyme scheme requirements:
Line 1. A
Line 2. A
Line 3. B
Line 4. B
Line 5. B
Line 6. C
Line 7. C
Line 8. C


 hsdance.gif

Quatre-par-Huit

Tetrameter
makes this form all the more sweeter
like it’s sister, the Trois-par-Huit, this eight line verse

begins with four, the ovation at sixteen; each line will traverse
two tercets and one couplet: with a mid-point turn back to disperse
in a diamond-like shape and a triple-rhymed beat

it’s title once more will repeat…
Quatre-par-Huit


Why not give this a try?
~Cleo  cloud9.gif






·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 1 06, 22:51
Post #2


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Oh Lori, this is going to be perfect to write my opening poem "Out of the Dark" ... for the chapbook. I was trying to do it as a Octa-tri ... but I wanted the ending line to be 'Out of the dark' and so, it wouldn't work. I've tried to use other forms and although I have several in the process, none open what this gives me the guide to do. So I will be back in a bit with a first attempt at this exciting new form...


I am so excited! Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 2 06, 07:37
Post #3


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Liz. wave.gif

I'm so glad you are excited about this form! hsdance.gif

I look forward to your works in this new form!

Happy New Year! PartyFavor.gif

Lori cloud9.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
jgdittier
post Jan 2 06, 13:44
Post #4


Creative Chieftain
*****

Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry



Dear Cleo,
You Asked for IT!

Revised version

It's Not My Lark!

I write to form.
To please dear Cleo is my norm.
At least I'll try or die in my attempts to please.
But why must I ally myself with beats of eight!.I'm on my knees
For Cleo , dear, you're never near and virt'ous vows make you HIS squeeze.
I'll mention motivation. Must I make my mark?
My missing muse has muffled ev'ry spark.
It's not my lark!


It's Not My Lark!

I write to form.
To please dear Cleo is my norm.
At least I'll try or die in my attempts to please.
But why should I ally myself with beats of eight? A tease!
For Cleo dear, you're never near and vows make you HIS squeeze!
My motivation's missing! Must I make my mark?*
My missing muse has muffled ev'ry spark.
It's not my lark!

* my MOTiVAtion's MISSing. MUST i MAKE my MARK?


·······IPB·······

Ron Jones

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 2 06, 19:43
Post #5


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter





We're born from light,
that inspirits flesh to take flight
into worlds of subconscious awareness; we yearn.

Each moment spent experiencing, dims this kindling, still we learn
till our mass is but an empty shell of shadows. Can we return

to purity--and clear this nebulously stark
state of soul? I'll follow God's spark
out of the dark!



·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 2 06, 22:58
Post #6


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter





I heard your song
on the radio. It's been so long
since that night we danced by moonlight, whispering the tune

each breath a sigh against my cheek, like the winds waltzing during June.
The stars our witness, lyrics our vows...yet it ended much too soon.

To be reminded of our love and wonder why,  
the music makes me want to cry...
because you died.






·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 06:37
Post #7


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (jgdittier @ Jan. 02 2006, 13:44)
Dear Cleo,
You Asked for IT!

It's Not My Lark!   cloud9.gif

I write to form.
To please dear Cleo is my norm.
At least I'll try or die in my attempts to please.

But why should I ally myself with beats of eight? A tease!
For Cleo dear, you're never near and vows make you HIS squeeze!

My motivation's missing! Must I make my mark?*
My missing muse has muffled ev'ry spark.
It's not my lark!


* my MOTiVAtion's MISSing. MUST i MAKE my MARK?

Hi Ron.  StarWars4.gif

A wonderful first attempt! :pharoah2  Good Job!

I've just got two teensy nits for you here in L4 and L5:

But why should I ally myself with beats of eight? {You're such} a tease!
For Cleo dear, you're never near and vows {that dance} make you HIS squeeze!


You just need to add two more syllables to each, as these lines require 16 beats. I've made a suggestion to assist, but PLEASE DO come back Ron - I'd love to see another response.

Cheers!
Lori   teacher.gif






·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 06:39
Post #8


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Liz. cloud9.gif

I'll be back soon (off to battle the snow and sleet storm) and get to work.

Stay tuned!
Cleo teacher.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
jgdittier
post Jan 3 06, 07:58
Post #9


Creative Chieftain
*****

Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry



Dear Cleo,
It's plain difficult writing verse when one must count all the way to eight! I had it laid out OK but went wrong as the words didn't stay aligned with the dashes.
Now Cleo, even poetic license doesn't allow me to call you a tease and since I must add a foot next to "vows", I've fallen back on
alliteration.
I wonder if I could use this form as a base for something serious.
Cheers,    Ron   jgd






·······IPB·······

Ron Jones

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 3 06, 16:36
Post #10


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hi Ron,


Although I think you offered this as a humorous example, I think you've done quite well. If you wouldn't mind, I might have a little dance with it! wink.gif


QUOTE


                             I write to form.
                  To please dear Cleo is my norm.
         At least I'll try or die in my attempts to please.
   But why should I ally myself with beats of eight? A tease!
   For Cleo dear, you're never near and vows make you HIS squeeze!
         My motivation's missing! Must I make my mark?*
                   My missing muse has muffled ev'ry spark.
                             It's not my lark!



I like the contrast of L1, L8 The way they both state a fact, and allows the body of the poem to draw the ideas of poetry and skill, which show the work and efforts that go into form. And then, the final line ... "It's not my lark!" just tops it off like a cherry on a Hot Fudge Sundae... wink.gif Yummm.

The reference to Cleo, (when the reader is familliar with MM and Lori's astonishing work and efforts to benefit her members with knowledge and learning material so we can learn and develope in form,) shows this reader that you consider others when writing your poetry.

I think your final 3 lines are the most powerful. A few tweaks within L3,4 and 5--could flesh this out as for meaning. I was left a little confused! But then again, I live in a confused state (that would be Florida) LOL

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 3 06, 17:59
Post #11


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter





So Untimely

Although I knew
a long time coming...(so did you)
we hadn't very much time left to share, before

you passed away. It still shocks me every time I walk-in the door
to find those shadows of you, and the memories that would be no more.

Since, I've been merely existing, life's been lonely
and why does dying have to be
so untimely







·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 19:12
Post #12


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Jan. 02 2006, 19:43)


We're born from light,
that inspirits flesh to take flight
into worlds of subconscious awareness; we yearn.

Each moment spent experiencing, dims this kindling, still we learn
till our mass is but an empty shell of shadows. Can we return

to purity--and clear this nebulously stark
state of soul? I'll follow God's spark
out of the dark!


Hi Liz.

I am impressed with your first Octa-Quad (as I am with Ron's too)!  :dance:

This will make a wonderful poem in your chapbook!

If I may:

We're born from light,
that inspirits flesh to take flight
into worlds of subconscious awareness; we yearn.


I like the opening, tells us someting is about to 'emerge' - great contrast with your title. I LOVE L2 and inspirits is a great word! Subtle alliteration there adds to the appeal too! I also like how you've taken our yearnings for survival and tapped the sub-conscious too. A unique approach Liz.  :cloud9:


Each moment spent experiencing, dims this kindling, still we learn
till our mass is but an empty shell of shadows. Can we return


Dims the sub-cons. level? I'm just trying to grasp the word 'experiencing' in this context? As we 'learn through experience'?

Can we return to purity--and clear this nebulously stark state of soul?

Well done! This is very impactful Liz!

I'll be back again,,,,,

Lori


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 19:21
Post #13


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (jgdittier @ Jan. 03 2006, 07:58)
Dear Cleo,
It's plain difficult writing verse when one must count all the way to eight! I had it laid out OK but went wrong as the words didn't stay aligned with the dashes.
Now Cleo, even poetic license doesn't allow me to call you a tease and since I must add a foot next to "vows", I've fallen back on
alliteration.
I wonder if I could use this form as a base for something serious.
Cheers,    Ron   jgd

LOL.gif Ron!

But I so like tetrameter! I thought you did too?  :wizard:

Now now, I mut show you how to use our 'align' feature then.

Just type the poem all left justified (default of forum). Then Highlight the whole poem - go up to the iB code buttons above and select the align pull down arrow. Chose center...

Voila  - your highlighted area will be center aligned....


You can call me a tease...  :wizard2: Yes, I admire the allteration used throughout your poem, it really adds dimension...  :cloud9:

Absolutely - write away - serious, you? cali.gif I'm all ears and eyes! hal.gif

Can't wait for the next one!
~Cleo  :ballet:


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 19:25
Post #14


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Jan. 02 2006, 22:58)


I heard your song
on the radio. It's been so long
since that night we danced by moonlight, whispering the tune

each breath a sigh against my cheek, like the winds waltzing during June.
The stars our witness, lyrics our vows...yet it ended much too soon.

To be reminded of our love and wonder why,  
the music makes me want to cry...
because you died.

Oh my Liz.

This is so very deep. Such a lovely, dramatic piece - gets me to the heart's core just reading it aloud. WOW!  :sun:

Sad and poignant! I'm glad to have read such intense feelings.

I'm in awe.

BIG HUGS
GroupHug.gif
Lori kiss.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 3 06, 19:28
Post #15


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Jan. 03 2006, 17:59)


So Untimely

Although I knew
a long time coming...(so did you)
we hadn't very much time left to share, before

you passed away. It still shocks me every time I walk-in the door
to find those shadows of you, and the memories that would be no more.

Since, I've been merely existing, life's been lonely
and why does dying have to be
so untimely


Oh my Liz.  Sad2.gif

Such a tragic piece - the feelings even more intense in this one - a very impactful follow-up to your other one. Very complimentary - the story unfolded, so sad.  :(

Each word is so carefully crafted and has its own meanings - very touching Liz -

You've moved me to tears... I can feel the pain in your words

HUGS
Lori  sun.gif






·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 3 06, 20:56
Post #16


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Jan. 03 2006, 19:12)
QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Jan. 02 2006, 19:43)


We're born from light,
that inspirits flesh to take flight
into worlds of subconscious awareness; we yearn.

Each moment spent experiencing, dims this kindling, still we learn
till our mass is but an empty shell of shadows. Can we return

to purity--and clear this nebulously stark
state of soul? I'll follow God's spark
out of the dark!


Hi Liz.

I am impressed with your first Octa-Quad (as I am with Ron's too)!  dance.gif

This will make a wonderful poem in your chapbook!

If I may:

We're born from light,
that inspirits flesh to take flight
into worlds of subconscious awareness; we yearn.


I like the opening, tells us someting is about to 'emerge' - great contrast with your title. I LOVE L2 and inspirits is a great word! Subtle alliteration there adds to the appeal too! I also like how you've taken our yearnings for survival and tapped the sub-conscious too. A unique approach Liz.  cloud9.gif


Each moment spent experiencing, dims this kindling, still we learn
till our mass is but an empty shell of shadows. Can we return


Dims the sub-cons. level? I'm just trying to grasp the word 'experiencing' in this context? As we 'learn through experience'?

Can we return to purity--and clear this nebulously stark state of soul?

Well done! This is very impactful Liz!

I'll be back again,,,,,

Lori

Hi Lori,

Your newest creation has touched on some sleeping muse of my...And I thank you for this. I like the outcome of Out of the Dark and I agree, it will be an excellent opening poem for the Chapbook.

The chapbook idea, and atlas, the poems intention is...

We are born filled with a brilliant light that feeds our soul. It is full of innocence, warmth, compassion and connects us to our individual subconscious awareness of our journey of the lives we are given. We enter into this life with the purpose of learning and growing, so either we can go forward or as others might believe, become one with the universe and earn our way into heaven. I personally believe that we are energy, our souls are what 'inspirits' (yes, I was glad to use it as it fit the meaning and the sound quality I was hoping for) our bodies.

However, as we 'experience' or are exposed to lifes lessons, our 'flame' that brilliant light that we are born from, slowly dwindles away...perhaps... that "GOODNESS" and naivity we feel is slowly lost...sort of stripped from our innerselves and it leads us into a dark place. Some remain in this dark place, or misplaced state of spirit for as long as it takes for each of us to come to terms with what we need to learn or make change within our selves or to discover. Sometimes, a bad place brings about much needed change to lead the person into a more adaptable way of living... (example; someone who is too much of a giver and doesn't take care of themselves, might often experience hurt and be taken for granted over and over until they learn when to say no or to pick and choose what they give of themselves what they do for others) Sometimes, we go through our lives not really knowing what it is that 'we' ourselves truly like or dislike, what we want or don't want... we live believing our choices our are own until we are stripped away of all we know and during this 'DARK TIME" we begin to discover what it is that we really choose... anyway.

In the poem, the reference to experience is what life exposes us to. The kindling that dims is that fiery light inwhich we are born with (Perhaps our passions) and the subconscious awareness is the unseen forces that guide us through this life and the experiences until we learn...

The poem is to show that when we find ourselves in this darkness, we often feel what we knew is nolonger liveable, and yet, we don't see the road ahead and we are unsure of the foundation we presently stand on until, we let go and allow a spark to ignite and begin to lead us 'out of that dark' ...

Hmmm, keeping these intentions in mind, I wonder what changes I can make to offer this to my reader (in the reader's digest short form!) LOL ..

Thank you for the gracious compliments. It has been a long while since I wrote anything I felt had substance and your forms do that for me!

All my love, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 3 06, 21:01
Post #17


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE (Cleo_Serapis @ Jan. 03 2006, 19:25)
QUOTE (AMETHYST @ Jan. 02 2006, 22:58)


I heard your song
on the radio. It's been so long
since that night we danced by moonlight, whispering the tune

each breath a sigh against my cheek, like the winds waltzing during June.
The stars our witness, lyrics our vows...yet it ended much too soon.

To be reminded of our love and wonder why,  
the music makes me want to cry...
because you died.

Oh my Liz.

This is so very deep. Such a lovely, dramatic piece - gets me to the heart's core just reading it aloud. WOW!  sun.gif

Sad and poignant! I'm glad to have read such intense feelings.

I'm in awe.

BIG HUGS
GroupHug.gif
Lori kiss.gif

Hi Again Lori,

Again it is your new form that has tapped into my recesses of my heart... wink.gif
This too, needs a little tweaking, but I am excited to see some of the poetry coming out for the chapbook. These three will be included. Ironically, I didn't see the linkage to "Because You Died" and "So Untimely" But your idea is perfect and I can already see it's placement in the manuscript. Great thinking.


Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
AMETHYST
post Jan 3 06, 21:07
Post #18


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



QUOTE
You've moved me to tears... I can feel the pain in your words


This is the greatest compliment any poet can receive and I thank you for it. And again, thank you for the inspirational forms that seem to move my muse...



I will be working on several more... I hope to have the chapbook done by next week.

Hugs, Liz


·······IPB·······

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Jan 6 06, 09:34
Post #19


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



... by your request, Lori...

quatre à suivre

For to follow
nouvelle forme, not sounding hollow
a novice first must have a thought to kick around

that has a value in and of itself, though it may ne’er astound
an unsuspecting reader with its worth; it needn’t be profound,

Writer plays with meanings, sounds… through cold and fever
‘til it’s done… and swears to leave ‘er
quatre à suivre

© MLee Dickens’son 05 Jan 2005


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
JustDaniel
post Jan 6 06, 10:18
Post #20


Ornate Oracle
******

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



... and here's the first of the promised "four to follow":

Simply MLee

As mem’ry fades
I find no need to play charades;
still I desire to leave some small impression here

when I am gone; no front-page picture will appear… some words austere
in Section D, a name placed alphabetically that few revere…

some day perhaps someone will find my poetry;
all I ask is that they call me
simply MLee


© MLee Dickens’son 06 Jan 2006


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 12:26




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: