faux-ku, titled haiku/senryu w/word play [ Daniel's 'creation' ] Options

[Cybele]

Hi Daniel,

Welcome back. Good to see you posting again. We've missed you.

ticked off, thanks given
hands encircled luscious food;
too many seconds

Sounds like the turkey wasn't the only one stuffed at Thanksgiving. ???

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

hey, these are such fun to read! all that seriousness brain-bashing with 'to ku or not to ku - is that a question?' makes this a pleasant light relief. Have you ever visited the site called 5seven5? poems and replies all have to be in that form, but anything goes.

so, don't know how this'll match up to your hi standards, but here are a few taken and abused posts of mine:


let's do the time-warp again

this piece is unsure
of itself, of time, of space:
just a little warped


to a vanilla smoothie

i was with you, dude
till you went and ice ice'd me
baby, too retro


don't peak too soon, boy {grins}

have you a Sherpa
to guide your breathless ascent?
experience counts


p.m i.m m&m's alergy

this could be construed
as internet flirting, no?
nuts need not apply

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

what a boor

the man's such a pig --
displays porcine niceties;
makes me quite bristle!


hello sailor

Pop-eye'd with tension
needs a little olive oil
plain good for the heart


hornblower

this blisterin' rash!
a question of sea-man-tics?
blast the scurvey dog!


chart-stopping

is Pythagoras
listed in Cook's World's who's who?
such a cutie pi

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

oh dear oh dear oh dear

stags, hot 'n' horny
(but the doe's just such a moose! )
they're stuck in a rut



okay, i'll shaddup now. these are definitely addictive

[JustDaniel]

cot cold-handed

he's so licit...Ted
stand-in on the street - cornered
with too reddened chic s

[JustDaniel]

web bloggers

melting in the sun
icicle ploops in puddle
onlooker ducks

[JustDaniel]

fie night questin'

edgeless time flows on
taking up no space et al
will it ever rend?

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

Tears Away

Candle in the wind
Smoke gets in, your eyes water
blown out of proportion

[Guest_ohsteve_*]

costly smells

perfume drops on skin
odorus concoction smells fine
no lingering cents

[galoutofdixie]

A form invented (and perfected?) by Daniel....this I cannot resist. What a good exercise this was too

here's my humble attempt at mastering faux-ku


Ghost Writer

Writers block was cured
by phantom words appearing;
shouldn't I be spooked?

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Daniel started a fabulous idea here. I'd completely missed Steve's two - I must catch up more often.

One of the Brit broadsheet newspapers has a comp for "haiku" (yes, they admit that the def'n is not technically accurate, for any purists) that represents news matters.

http://books.guardian.co.uk/games/haiku/

Might be worth a go?

Fran

[JustDaniel]

Hey, y'all...

Sorry I've not been about these parts. Don't want any of you to think I don't appreciate your pieces. Each one has a very good bite! Well-done!

Here's a bit of a stinker that occurred to me a couple of weeks ago:

a void flying

oversees hijack
scared everything out of him;
stays in continent


runnin' off sLightly, Daniel B)

[JustDaniel]

General Milling

Total employ meant
affirmative action clan
produced lively 'hood

© MLee Dickens'son 21 Aug 2006

[JustDaniel]

How about I celebrate a year away from this thread with something that I just discovered in the corners of my file ~ some of my earliest faux-ku:

bad vibes

concentric circles:
tattoo artist drew a bead
on his next victim.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 10 Dec 2002}


all eyes

underground tube-ers
just sit and root for their star,
a veggie tater.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 29 Nov 2002}


asp oration

Cleo’s craft blue last
up t’a Nile later; she’d lost
wind around the neck

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 11 Dec 2002}


blindly speaking

email address lists
(sent parenthetically)
will remain private

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 17 December 2002}


colored comments

it’s hard to couch words
- azure well a-wear, Priceless -
in envy-green pads

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 17 Dec 2002}


friend ships

a precious voyage
fellowship and sistership
sternly steered, by God

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 03 Feb 2003}


I m patient

I see you can’t hear;
be patient, or you’ll become one --
I hear you can’t see.

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 02 Feb 2003}


gossip’s fall

light breezes through trees,
unsettling tail-baring;
note whispering leaves

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 23 Feb 2003}


marely cloud?

drinking thunderheads
frolicking in whited fields;
mere ‘altered vision?

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 01 March 2003}


oh bleak!

kept by my bias,
from seeing right angles, I
die agon-ally

_{© Daniel J Ricketts 20 Dec 2002}

[JustDaniel]

why-died

ever seed fear?
look at pupil die-laters
taken hostage

© MLee Dickens'son

[Larry]

Hi Daniel, nice creation and lots of fun. Mind if I try?



Ho's stage is taken
Street corner lights a broad way
play is expensive

[JustDaniel]

Ho's stage is taken
Street corner lights a broad way
play is expensive

Good start, Larry.

Two suggestions:
1. Make TWO observations; one takes two lines and the other one (usually from just a slightly different perspective of the same event or entity) in one line. It doesn't matter whether the first one is in one or two lines, just so the second one is in two lines or one. Okay?

2. You need a TITLE also, and it must be or have a play on words as well. Unlike with traditional senryu or haiku, which have no title; faux-ku MUST have a title and it must contain a play on words.

perhaps something like this:

two bit parts

street hos' stage taken
where lights corner a broad way;
expensive play


Happy ho-ku-ing... deLightingly, Daniel

[Larry]

Hi Daniel,

Thanks for the info. I didn't put "street" on the first line because it was not contained in your last line (or does that matter in this thread?)

How about this title and revision.


curb appeal

ho's stage is taken.
street corner lights a broadway
play that"s expensive.


Larry

[JustDaniel]

no mutter

if you've no mind
does it really matter?
take that stray pup's brain

[Larry]

doggerel

abrade that stray pup!
add rice and various herbs,
pet a full stomach