BLUEBOTTLE Options

[Cybele]

BLUEBOTTLE

 

           There it goes again!
           An angry buzz saw.
           Crashing madly into glass
           in his bid for freedom,
           disturbing the peace
           and raising my wrath.
           Dratted bluebottle,
           Where's that swat?


           But wait -
           I never noticed before
           your iridescent hue of blue-
           like a peacock's eye.


           I'll just open the window
           and out you can fly  -
            z
              z                  zzz   zzz
                                          zz                   zz
                                       zz
                                               z
                                             z  z z  z
                                                                z..

           GOODBYE!


All rights reserved by Grace Galton as an unpublished work

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace,

Your bottle o' the blue stuff is of sound vintage. It has a good nose and a pleasing ear. And all its many eyes are well-focused.

You switch from his to its - seems it would be better to have one gender or none - or were you quick with that swat, after all?

"I never noticed before" - never / before make poor bedfellows as the former renders the latter redundant - might give you a chance for another exciting word, instead?

I like some visual poems and this does work well.

Well done, Grace.

James.

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Grace,
What a sparkling fly-past!
I could see your buzzing pest dancing through the sunlight until he finally found the open window in that tale/tail.
Nothing to suggest, but I do believe he's been in my kitchen since...
Love,
Fran

[Guest_jayjay_*]

Just to commend you on having the good 'Grace' to let the little interloper escape and on a fine poem on the experience.

No suggestions, just praise,

JJ

[Ephiny]

This is great!!  I spend my life saving spiders from my bathroom and kitchen sink (I seem to attract them) but never stopped to look properly at a bluebottle before!  This is just lovely :pharoah2

I never noticed before
    your iridescent hue of blue-
    like a peacock's eye. wonderful, and beautifully placed in the poem

Bluebottles everywhere will rejoice!

I enjoyed this a lot  :wave:

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Out your window and onto my computer screen!  

He is a beautiful hue of blue...

I loved the way you formatted the poem!   :pharoah2

Cathy  :holly:  :dove:

[Cybele]

Hello James,

I have to say first of all, that this was posted in error today, and does not observe the three day rule.

I had no intention of posting it yet and it was only after seeing Alan's  'Fly' poem and mentioning that I had written a similar one that I found this again.

Because of the arrangement of the buzzing, I thought I would try it out and save it to my notepad to post later if it worked. Unfortunately when I went to Review, I must have had the cursor in the wrong place because it posted instead. Before I could remove it you had answered James.

So

[b]You switch from his to its - seems it would be better to have one gender or none - or were you quick with that swat, after all?

I don't see where James. The first line refers to the sound and not the bluebottle, is that what you meant?  

"I never noticed before" - never / before make poor bedfellows as the former renders the latter redundant - might give you a chance for another exciting word, instead?

Yes, I see what you mean, hadn't thought about that. I will see if I can find something better.  

This was only the second poem written last year after a gap of forty odd years so to me it seems amateurish, but was only written in a fit of pique because I just can't stand that BUZZZZZIng. It's even worse than the sound of the dentist's drill.

Thank you for reading James.

[Cybele]

Hello Fran,

It was my granddaughter who inspired this. She obviously is immune to that awful noise and saw only its beauty.

I wrote this for her and she seems to like it, but then she is only seven and dearly loves her Nana, so I suppose she might have been humouring me??


P.S Now Fran if he has been in your kitchen, I do hope you weren't selfish enough to keep him to yourself. I hope you passed him on so that someone else might have the pleasure of his company!  ;)

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Grace,

Seems I was quicker than a pesky fly. Makes a change!

I take your point about the sound - I think it probably is ambigious but the way you explain it is fine. (may be my red brain, of course :) )

I strongly disagree that it looks amateurish. It's not your best by any means but it's still rather good and most amusing.

Cheers, Grace.

J.

[JustDaniel]

"I'd never noticed
your iridescent blue..."

might remove the redundancies in this wonderful little irritation-reflection that seems FAR from amateurish to me, Grace!

deLighting to read... and I simply loved the scattered z'ing at the end!

- Daniel  :sun:

[Guest_blondie_*]

I must add my little bit o'praise to the list! I would say "whimsical" is a much better word!

However, I must admit......
I don't think I have ever seen a bluebottle.  I'm assuming it's some sort of annoying fly.  Silly me...maybe they don't visit South Arkansas.

Great poem!  Thanks for sharing!

Amy

[Guest_Jox_*]

Amy,

Yes, you're right - a bluebottle is a large housefly which emits a buzzing sound, not unlike a bee / wasp - adding to the fun. It has an exoskeleton covering which is iridescent and alternates between the usual fly-black and blue.

If you feel you're missing out over there, I'm sure Grace would be willing to arrange an export deal. Good terms!

James.

[Cybele]

Hello JJ,

Thank you so much for finding the humour in this. It was written just for my small granddaughter, who inspired it.

[Cybele]

Good morning Ephiny,

This is great!!  I spend my life saving spiders from my bathroom and kitchen sink (I seem to attract them) but never stopped to look properly at a bluebottle before!  This is just lovely  

This made me laugh! I think Ralph will forgive me now for saying that he did not like spiders - at all!  We used to live in a 16th century thatched cottage and every morning there would be spiders in the bath. It was my job to enter therein and rid the place of these scary monsters before he would set foot inside.  

That first Christmas I presented him with a "SPIDER ESCAPE LADDER"
whose purpose was to hang over the tap and into the bath, so that they might crawl up and thence out and away from that place

Naturally, it never worked (I don't think they could read the instructions! ) but it stayed on the bath as a talking point ever after.

(I hope there are no spiders wherever you are now my love, if so let me know and I'll come and sort them out for you.)  

Thank you for reading Lucie.

[Cybele]

Hello Cathy,

Thank you for reading this and enjoying.

You've had a visit too?? It is beginning  to sound like a plague of the pesky things.

Don't send him back this way...........please!

[Cybele]

Hello Daniel,  

"I'd never noticed
your iridescent blue..."


That sounds like a good idea Daniel. I like the revision of the first line
but will keep the second line since I like the internal rhyme, and I don't think the length detracts from the reading.

Thank you for your comments Daniel. I am glad you liked the  zzzzzzz s. That is exactly what they do when you try to shoo them towards the open window. You would think they could sense the fresh air. (I secretly think they do but are just being plain cussed. )

[Cybele]

Hello Amy,  

I must add my little bit o'praise to the list! I would say "whimsical" is a much better word!

However, I must admit......
I don't think I have ever seen a bluebottle.  I'm assuming it's some sort of annoying fly.  Silly me...maybe they don't visit South Arkansas.

Great poem!  Thanks for sharing!  

Whimsical? Yes, I love whimsical. You don't have bluebottles in Arkansas?
We should be so lucky

Arkansas ~ why doesn't that rhyme with Kansas ???  

[Guest__*]

Dear Grace,

How like you to seek the ointment in the fly !

Lovely work, not in the least amateur.

But ...













if he should come this way













I would communicate with him thus














regardless of his being granted a name like Irridescent Hugh :













SPLAT !! !!

Love
Alan

[Cybele]

Good Sir Knight  

Do you mean I went through all that purgatory just so that you might kill off blue Hugh? Oh, how cruel.

How could you tarnish that shining armour so?

At least leave him one leg to stand on (Yes, I know it's a whip but it was the nearest I could find.)

[Guest__*]

... no flies on this boy ....

Love
Alan