 Eternal Conflict, Structured prose ? |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Oct 8 09, 05:49
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#1
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 Laureate Legionnaire  Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral  |
Revision1 - Gender of The land changed to female (Mother Earth)
Eternal Conflict
Ocean. An endless invasion of mindless charging cavalry smashing themselves into white oblivion; sacrificial pawns against the onyx spears of stalwart rock with flying crest and thunderous un-abating battle-cry. Mortally wounded, waves hiss and struggle, weakening onto the clutching sand with a final gurgle to die as their souls; grey vanishing ghosts are borne aloft - by the wind. Wind. Daughter of the Sea, iKala, Great Valkyrie, bearer of Poseidon's flag; urges her waves to disciplined frenzy – “Onwards into the fray.” Divine wings beat war-paint across the bedlam sky, as she spreads her cold mists of deception then lays siege to the earth with storm that - smites mountain, forest, valley and desert plain, carving great wounds into the imperturbable Land . Land. Passive yet resolute, concealing a fiery inner temper yields her body grudgingly to the ocean. Returns the weapon of her own destruction, steeped in her own essence, blood and crushed up bone. Trickling back to the sea in sacred scars; returning to their beginnings, cycle the fragile tears of life. © WW Schwim 7 October 2009  Photo: © WW Schwim. Maitland Beach, Eastern Cape, South Africa. ·······  ······· |
  
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Oct 10 09, 23:52
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,875 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
This is beautiful, Wally. I've read it thru' several times! I think I have some nits, but will have to return for that, since it's 2 a.m. in Buenos Aires, and I'm off to bed.
Hugs, Syl*** ..... and what a marvellous photograph! If that's a view from Nicola's cottage, you're right, I'm eating my heart out with envy. South Africa (and other regions of that fantastic continent) are on my wish-list for future travels. ······· ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Oct 11 09, 06:38
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#3
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 18,578 Joined: 2-August 03 From: Southwest New Jersey, USA Member No.: 6 Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr. Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
Ah...
to be able to travel where you are, Wally... not only to the Continent of Africa but to your ability to turn a phrase! deLighting always at the shore and constantly longing for it when away, Daniel 
······· ·······Slow down; things will go faster!
MM Award Winner |
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| Guest_ohsteve_* |
Oct 11 09, 19:36
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#4
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Wally, What beauty in the words so heartfelt. I have been often moved within my soul while watching the endless waves of the sea against the shore. At times hypnotizing and relaxing at others such as yours; with fury and gusts of glory, sea spray flecked with the wind into my upturned face. Your photo is very reminiscent of the Maine coastline, especially in Arcadia park. A wonderful view from your Daughters home. I do miss the ocean so.
Take care and enjoy my friend, Steve |
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Oct 12 09, 02:22
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#5
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 Greek Posts: 743 Joined: 3-February 09 From: Abingdon, Oxfordshire,UK Member No.: 754 Real Name: Leonora Wyatt Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:No one at all |
Good morning Wally - I have read, and re-read Eternal Conflict - and each time, I have enjoyed it more. You have painted a voluptuous, classical picture of the war of attrition between land and sea - 'full of sound and fury'.
I also admired the wave form in which it has been written. I am attempting to absorb a book which I have ironically dubbed, my book about, 'How to Write Poetry', and I noticed, in a later chapter, that writing the verses in a visual reflection of the subject of the poem, is a special branch of the poet's art. Thus, Eternal Conflict was visually extremely satisfying too. Love, Leo ······· ······· |
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Oct 12 09, 15:45
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#6
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Thank you all for reading and your much appreciated comments.
Syl, anytime you ready to visit, I'm your host and guide. Leo, you got the interpretation spot on! Glad it worked for you. Making the words form shapes to compliment the subject is sometimes called "concrete poetry" I love it. If you're interested, take a look at; Battalion of the Dead there are some other links there too. Hugs, Wally ······· ······· |
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Oct 22 09, 10:16
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#7
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Hello Wally~
Phew! what a posting! Awesome photo too! What camera do you use? I will be back with more... with a final gurgle to die as their souls; grey vanishing ghosts are borne aloft - by the wind. Love these lines... Bev ······· ······· |
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Nov 6 09, 16:56
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#8
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 Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,802 Joined: 24-April 04 From: Connecticut Member No.: 58 Real Name: Ron Jones Writer of: Poetry |
Dear Wally,
Though I'm a light verser through and through, its poetry such as this that is broadening my horizons. I doubt I'll ever grow to attempt this type of poetry, I'll just hope some of it impacts my smiley style. Cheers, Ron jgdittier ······· ······· |
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Nov 10 09, 14:06
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#9
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Dear Bev and Ron,
Thanks for reading and your kind comments. I have revised a little - changed the Gender of the Land to female. It is after all Mother Earth. (Thanks to Nicola for spotting that one) Hugz, Wally ······· ······· |
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Nov 10 09, 14:41
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#10
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Creative Chieftain Posts: 1,621 Joined: 18-August 05 From: Johannesburg, South Africa Member No.: 127 Real Name: Beverleigh Gail Annegarn Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Jox |
Hi Thoth~ Oh dear = I did not pick up the 'gender thing'...but often, I like to read and not crit immediately as one wants to brood over and enjoy the poetry before actually critting? Ja, hats off to Nicola! Rather an astute observation. Does she want to join MM? Bev ······· ······· |
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