Dear Dementia Man, Crits welcome - I don't often attempt f.v. Options

[Sekhmet]

Dear Dementia Man

At least, unlike others,

you still know me.

How could you not

when we lay each night, curled, entwined.

Your hand, unfurled, yearning for mine

in the darkness'

Sleeping; the essence of the man I love

exists;

and I wonder if you know that

I kiss you. Whilst you dream of –

I know not what.

[Maggie]

Hi Sekemet, We never met until now. What a lovely tribute to your husband. I like it! My free verse starts flush with the left margin, but there aren't many rules if any rules of free verse. To be honest I read your profile page before reading your poem, and I'm glad I did. How wonderful that you live near Oxford. I've visited the UK five times and always leave missing your lovely country.

I just published a book of poetry by CreateSpace this year and have a number of British poems in it. Actually poems set in Britian.

I'm not good at critiquing free verse really. I love your content and am thrilled that your husband knows you. I am delighted that your cancer is gone. Keep writing. I like your work!

Peggy/ Maggie

[Psyche]

Hi Sekhmet!
We do know each other; and we're both absent for similar reasons. My husband has had dementia for 14 years. His is vascular, the clogged arteries type. I'm sorry about your hubby, and absolutely understand the lack of inspiration...and the sorrow.

A lovely poem, with dementia in mind. I've written several poems tracing the progress of Carlos's mental condition. In fact, in his case he's become better over the years, with setbacks. He also knows me! But after 7 years my daughter took matters into her hands, had him put in a very good home...Thing is, I got this syndrome called Fibromyalgia, very painful indeed, so I couldn't cope any longer, even with some help. He'd get out of bed and roam the house before dawn, trying to prepare my tea as in the good old days...dangerous!

It will probably be therapeutical for you to write about your husband. I've got yet another poem in my head. I've moved house further south, so I'm way behind with posting and a zillion other things. But I'm near my daughter. She handles a lot for me as regards Carlos.

I've no crits, Sekhmet, but I'll return and take another look asap.

Great to have you back, take care,
Psyche aka Syl***

Note: I've had to snip bits of this commentary, because I confused you with Maggie!! Out of practice, having been away so long...

[Maureen]

Your poem is charming - the love shines through - Dementia is a terrible thing - My Mum is in the early stages of it and I often think it is harder on the carer. I wouldn't nit pick a thing with your poem I found it very poignant. Well done

Cheers

Maureen

[Sekhmet]

Hello Maggie, and thank you reading Dementia Man.
I've tried for ages to put something/anything into some kind of verse - I have stared hopefully at the page, but nothing ever appeared.
It feels good to return to MM - I have so missed the relaxed friendship and occasional, 'differences of opinion'.
Unfortunately, I seem to have forgotten everything I ever learned, (from the experts here) about the many poetic forms - I'll have to start over.
Thank you for enjoying England. It does have much to recommend it so, if you ever find yourself in the Oxford region, there's usually a spare bed available here.
Hugs,
Leo

[Sekhmet]

Hello again Syl, I do remember you well from some time ago.
Many thanks for looking in at Dementia Man. I normally try to keep my verses fairly light-hearted, but needed to get this one down before I could start again with something less, 'me' centered.
We seem to have a lot in common - our husbands' illnesses, moving home and a capable daughter! Our daughter actually chose our home for us, because I couldn't house-hunt from France.

As for being part of the militant grammar police -probably not! We didn't, 'do' grammar at my school, so I am very conscious of my own failings.

I hope Carlos continues to make more and more improvements - Michael also seems much improved after our move to UK.
Now, at last, that he can speak to others in his own language. Not surprisingly, his French disappeared as his Dementia progressed.

Hugs,
Leo

[Sekhmet]

Hi Maureen, and thanks for your comments on Dementia Man.
It was intended to show that love can, and does, survive even in what the parable calls, 'stony ground'.
It's hard, watching someone you love suffer - but, every now and then, something lightens the mood, and we have a good laugh. You and I have to learn to cherish those, 'special' moments.
Thanks again,
Hugs,
Leo

[Psyche]

Dear Leo,

I just corrected my previous comment because I confused you with Maggie/Peggy...so sorry, to both of you!!

I seem to remember that Maggie is a teacher, but now I'm doubting that as well... It's great to be corrected, since I seldom speak English where I live. My husband speaks/spoke perfect English, in spite of being of Swiss and Italian blood.

So you've moved from France to the U.K.? One really needs to be near one's family when illness strikes. I hope the ghastly weather was not too bad in your area.

Hugs, Syl***

[Psyche]

Back again, Leo, for the second read I promised. Your poem makes me feel very emotional. That`s good. I don't think there's any reason not to write about one's own experiences. IMHO!! Some great poets did nothing else.

Only one idea, to take or toss.

"Sleeping; the essence of the man I love
remains."

It seems to me that 'remnants' is not quite the word, but you decide!

I'd use the present tense in the last line: "I know not what".

Lovely poem. I hope you come back with more, either FV or R&F. There are several experts in Herme's. That's where the arguments used to arise!

I'm so glad Michael feels more at home in the U.K. France is a beautiful country, but for him, the language must have complicated things.

Love, Syl***

Dear Dementia Man

At least, unlike others,

you still know me.

How could you not

when we lay each night, curled, entwined.

Your hand, unfurled, yearning for mine

in the darkness.

Sleeping; remnants of the man I love

exist;

and I wonder if you knew that

I kissed you. Whilst you dreamed of –

I knew not what.

[saore]

What a lovely tribute to your husband. I like the honesty with which it is written. It must be very difficult.

Sergio

[Eisa]

Hello Leo,

How great to see you back again! I love this poem about your husband, your love for him really shines through the words.

I like Syl's suggestions very much. I have one more to offer - a slight rearrangement of lines.

Sleeping;
remnants of the man I love exist
and I wonder if you knew that
I kissed you. Whilst you dreamed of –
I knew not what.

Just a thought - bin it if you don't like it.

Welcome back to the family, Leo.
Hugs
Snow

[Sekhmet]

Hello again Syl - Thank you for your suggestions; I'll try to edit the poem to encompass the changes you have suggested. I may loose the whole thing, but it's worth a try. I seem to have forgotten most of what I knew about manoeuvring around the site.
Thank you again,
Leo

[Sekhmet]

Hello Snow - liked your suggestion - I'll try to incorporate your ideas with Syl's and re-post.
Thanks for the welcome!
Hugs,
Leo

[Sekhmet]

Sergio - thank you for reading Dementia Man - I very much admired the honesty and directness of your poem about child rape - not an easy subject, but negotiated with directness and compassion.
Thanks,
Leo

[Alan]

Dear Leo,

I hesitated before reading your poem, bypassed it several times. But now I have, I am very glad, because it is superb and honest writing. He is lucky to have you at his side.

Nice to hear you live near Oxford now, I may ask to drop by.

Love
Alan

[Sekhmet]

Alan, nothing would give me greater pleasure!
Any time you find yourself in the Oxford area there'll be a warm welcome.

Regards,
Leo

[Maureen]

Lovely to see this in our Mag - thank you for sharing - The latest issue is now online and includes some work by many other terrific poets. Please enjoy - http://www.theaustraliatimes.com/emagazines/poetry/issue207/

[jerryk]

Hi Leonora;
yours is a very decent free-verse that speaks of a constant love for your mate. That's what a marriage vow should be about; in sickness and in health. I have no suggestions beyond what others have offered, but I just wanted to comment on your eloquently written poem. It hits home because of a similar situation in my own life. Best to you,
Jerry

[Psyche]

Hello Leo, again!

Just to mention that, if you have difficulties editing your poem and really wish to do so, you can post it as a "New reply" with whatever changes you wish.
Write a couple of lines at the top to explain what's different.

That way there's no danger of the whole piece disappearing...LOL...

Nobody's going to throw the book of rules at you...nobody's around these days! Not complaining, I know that staff and members have personal problems, as you and I have. I hope your husband continues to be happy with the move to the U.K.

Oh dear, I also have a sick cat...she's been unwell and I have to clean up after her. I love her a lot, must take her to the vet tomorrow, Monday.

Bye now,
Syl***