I want to run and hide
like the wild wayward wolf.
I want to shirk the burden
we’re facing...renal failure.

His manual-plastic kidney,
daily cleansing, exchanging,
extends our golden years
and shelters life,

I want to run from.

© 2006 Carol Dee Meeks

Hi Carol

Sadly you cant hide from this however unpleasant and upsetting.

The only nit is with the last line:

I want to run from

It seems incomplete.

Nina

Hi Carol,

Very well expressed ... sad, yet hopeful. As you say;

extends our golden years
and shelters life,

My only question is, what do you want to run from? The life that is being sheltered? Am I missing something somehow? Your last line seems incomplete and is the flip-side of the security and warmth I felt in the above lines. Of course, after thinking about it and trying to put myself in your place there's probably alot I would want to run from too.

I want to run from.

Keeping good thoughts ...

Cathy

Carol, it is hard to critique a statement of real-life struggle as this one, methinks. I want to run and hide too... and I can feel your desire to do so in your words quite vividly.

Poetically, the bald statement of L4 seems perhaps too direct, though it certainly identifies the issue quite clearly. Poetically, I just think it might otherwise be hinted at, especially since you hint at it in S2. I'm not sure, however, what to suggest, except some punctuation and parallel speech suggestions... and perhaps a clarification of the end line (unless I've misunderstood it).



perhaps needing more Light too, Daniel

Hello Carol,

Reading this reminds me that care taking can take everything out of the care giver, especially watching the person you love suffer daily. And unfortunately, this is a common thought or feeling that overwhelms the care giver at times.

There is lots to relate to here. I liked the word shirk, would have thought also the word skirt, might be another way to say fun and hide, Some further thoughts to follow...

Best Regards, Liz






Good Luck Carol. Best Regards for both you and your husband. I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts...

Best Regards, Liz

Carol,

I read this several times with emphasis on your last line....

I want to run from.

At first I thought it was incomplete, but after pondering if for awhile, perhaps your intention was for the reader to begin creating images in their mind of all that could possibly be lost if we were in the same situation.

Your poem, although brief, drives home its message of sacrifice and the desire to escape this impacted lifestyle.

JLY

Also Carol, I could have swore that this poem was posted in Seren's... Perhaps old age is getting the better of me. I will move this into Seren's, as it is Free verse. Rhyme/Meter - Or Formed.


Amethyst

i really liked this...maybe its my type of poetry i like? don't know...but i wasn't confused at all.

fav. part:

I want to run and hide
like the wild wayward wolf.

nit bit:

only 2. maybe add a comma after the first line and if you want to lose some of the confusion about the end maybe lose the word "from". your choice. IMHO i liked the openess.





-dove

Hi Carol.

This is a poignant piece - How are you coping? It's a difficult adjustment to make and your poem poignantly states it in so few words. One canot help but realize that when life dishes us ailments, it certainly can change our outlook.

I have a suggestion for S2 for you to ponder below. AS always, take or toss.

Best regards,
~Cleo

I want to run and hide
like the wild[,] wayward wolf.
I want to shirk the burden
we’re facing...renal failure.
Powerful opening – right to the point.

His manual-plastic kidney,
daily cleansing, exchanging,
extends our golden years
and shelters life,

Now here I keep wanting to read this as:

His plastic kidney -
a manual ritual of
daily cleansing and exchanging;
extends our golden years
and shelters life,

I want to run from.
Excellent ending - I like it being it's own stanza, adds the drama to it.