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> OUR SAVIOUR FROM THE TORIES, Political posturing
Alan
post Apr 6 10, 04:51
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OUR SAVIOUR FROM THE TORIES
(6 May 2010, general election date announced)

Sad profile of my bank account,
the complete texture of my life;
He’s sheltered me from much self-harm
by taxes, excised with state knife.

With His moonlight, in soft focus,
He spin doctors and tells us lies;
on balance I’m much better off.
Oh look, there is a pig that flies !

In short cameo performance,
He pretends he’s minister, Prime,
dispelling my prosperity :
Please, River Thames, drown His foul crime.

Alan McAlpine Douglas

Challenge words : profile texture shelter
moonlight balance cameo dispel river


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Apr 6 10, 11:14
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Alan, Too political for me, I got my own Obama idiots to battle.

Steve
 
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Sekhmet
post Apr 7 10, 01:31
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Hey Steve - We poor Brits have to listen to month after month of American politicos, posturing and campaigning whenever you have one of your interminable elections.
There is no escape. Our TV's and radio programmes are saturated by US news. -
How about suffering just one small poem about something that's actually important to we British? Go on, force yourself.
Surely this is meant to be a poetry crit site, where people like Alan and myself come to have our verses criticised by experienced poets like you - Alan's subject matter was perfectly valid, but your response to Alan's poem of frustration with our politicians, was very dismissive - not about the quality of the verse, but the subject.
If you don't like the subject - surely it would be best to just leave no comment?
Leo


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Alan
post Apr 7 10, 01:55
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Dear Leo,

Thank you for riding to battle for me ! Though Steve and I know each other quite well through MM, and I took his comment to be all the agreement with the subject matter I was expecting !

Now, have you any comment on the poem ? For that matter, you, Steve ?

Love
Alan


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Sekhmet
post Apr 7 10, 04:41
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Sorry Alan - Of course, you are absolutely right. Your poem pounced upon the announcement of our upcoming UK General Election, (which, as I said to Steve, is very important to us) and made good, topical use of the given words. You met the challenge well.
We electors are feeling justifiably disgusted with our fraudulent, expenses-faking MPs from all parties; and your disgust with MPs shows through eloquently .
I feel uncomfortable about the use of an upper- case letter for His, Him & He; feeling that this honour should be accorded solely to the Deity. From your tone, I can't believe that you regard MP's in that light - although several seem to think of themselves as omnipotent Gods.
A good use of the words chosen for the challenge,
Love, Leo xx


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Arnfinn
post Apr 7 10, 05:27
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G'day Alan


Written while munching on acid drops. mickeymouse.gif pinkpanther.gif


Reading the Sydney Morning Herald, this morning; he may get re-elected. pinkpanther.gif



John troy.gif


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Arnfinn

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Alan
post Apr 7 10, 09:11
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Dear Leo,

Well now, The CAPS were deliberate, referring back to the title, AND to his statement in the H of C, that he had "saved the world". Altogether, the poem is specifically about Brown, not MPs, tho there is much to say there as well. Also, his cod references to his "moral compass" and that he is the "son of the manse", as if ALL vicars are pure. Thus the cap H is very satirical ! (And therefore I feel totally appropriate - I hope it does not offend you.)

The MPs were/are merely enriching themselves, while the Scottish robber-baron has in so many ways impoverished me, along with most of the rest of the country, and left me in huge debt in several different ways.

Love
Alan


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Alan
post Apr 7 10, 09:13
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Dear John,

Thank you, I was drinking neat sulphuric.

If he gets re-elected, I'm moving to the Philippines, but I think there is NO chance of that.

Love
Alan


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Apr 8 10, 13:37
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Alan, Leo, I think Alan understood perfectly what I was implying. I suffer thru very little political junk as I refuse to watch or read anything about it, it all seems nothing but rhetoric or lies, just let me get my hand on the public milk tit and watch me go... I for one am very tired of it, I think we need to vote them all out of office and put in someone else even if it is a write in name write in the name of someone you trust, a mayor maybe, even a school counselman. Maybe the guy that runs the local pub, at least he would understand finaces, and commerce and people. Anyone with common sense can get the country running they just need the backing of the voters. and if you don't vote then don't complain. I voted for Obama and he sure isn't the man I thought he would be once he got in office. I don't think one in ten americans understand his health plan that he just forced thru. I think he is driving up costs, instead of making a better work place, lets all ship the work to china and when we need a work force to go to war why we'll just buy the stuff from the chinese... you know the old saying about you pay for what you get, well we are paying and what we got is cheap shit, no jobs, no health care worth a damned, and a president spending money our children will take the rest of their life to pay back, I say lets put on import taxes bring the jobs back to the states and give america the right to work with decent pay, just expect the price of everything to jump up at the same time.
You know I tried to contact my representative to congress and was told I couldn't speak with him cause he didn't have time for me..well guess what when he is voted out of office, I bet he finds the time then. I say to all Americans, don't like what is going on try calling your congress man or senator see if they will talk to you...if not vote them out next election. that will send a loud clear message to politicians.

Steve
 
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Sekhmet
post Apr 9 10, 04:00
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Oh Steve! There you go again! Where was your crit?

Alan's poem was not about America. It was not about Mr Obama! It was not about Mr Obama's Health Insurance reforms; important though those subjects might be to you.

Instead of offering a helpful, (or even an un-helpful) crit, you chose to offer a diatribe on a totally unrelated subject.

As Alan said, 'How was the poem?'

Alan's subject was about something that is of the utmost importantce to those of us who call England 'Home' - our own General Election. And even the US Government might have some interest in who is going to be their closest ally in the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

As it happens, I personally did not agree with Alan's thoughts - but felt that he expressed them well, and used the Challenge Words to make a telling point.

Your reaction to Alan's verse confirms the opinion, often expressed in UK, that, 'If it isn't about America - America doesn't give a damn.'

Leo


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Sekhmet
post Apr 11 10, 01:48
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I have received a personal message rocket from from Steve, saying that I had no business to comment on his non -crit of this poem: He was vary angry.
I would not reprint exactly what he said, but I believe I have the right to reply.

Steve, I feel that you, (a Moderator!) used Alan's poem to made your own personal political statement.

In your reply, there was not one single word about the actual poem. Hardly professional!

I wouldn't have criticized comments you actually made about the content or style of his verse.

But if you needed to make a comment, (which was, as you say, strictly between yourself and another member, and not open to criticism) there is a facility to send private messages. That facility is what you should have used in this instance.

I found your attitude to the poem about our general Election in Great Britain offensive.

Suppose you had written a poem about your recent American Election, and my only comment was -
'Oh I can't be bothered with any of that! - I've too many problems with the appalling Tony Blair'
and then, used the space to leave a long rant about Tony Blair's policies.

Would you,or Cleo consider that an acceptable crit of the poem?
Of course you wouldn't!

I have no particular reason to stay with the group - so I'll say -
"Thanks to you all for the help I have received, and goodbye."
Enjoy your private chats.

It's been fun.
Leo


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Cleo_Serapis
post Apr 11 10, 09:16
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Hello Alan et al,

Sorry there seems to have been a disagreement on a few counts here in this thead. What I will say is this: Everyone has an opinion - they will sometimes be similar and oftentimes not. There isn't a rule that states "One can ONLY post replies if they are in the form of a critique". I often post my thoughts on a topic without offering a crit as I want the writer to know I read their post and it moved me to respond, but not necessarily to critique it. I know a few other members who do this as well.

Alan, I'm not in the frame of mind to offer crit (I rarely comment on political views). However, I felt it necessary to stop in and respond.

Leo - sorry if you feel the need to leave our forum. I cannot change that feeling you have other than to say: everyone has opinons and it's what makes the world go round - else it would be a very boring place to live.

Steve - please keep in mind politics and relgions are two those 'be cautionary' topics that can drone on and on and we wouldn't want to turn Alan's thread into an endless debate (that's what Alexandria's Library forum is for).

Alan - I'll try and get back with a crit in a few days.

Cheers
~Lori


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Apr 11 10, 19:59
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Alan I apologies for the possible misconception that I have used your thread as a place to make political noise. That was not my intent.

Steve
 
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Sekhmet
post Apr 12 10, 01:58
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Alan - I am very very sorry to see your poem being Shanghaied into a discussion about critiquing style.
I humbly apologise. But please bear with us - you have, albeit unwittingly and unwillingly, sparked off an important topic for discussion
.

Good morning Cleo.
A few early morning comments:

When a poem is offered in the critique section, they are, by implication, hoping to receive - critique.
Mosaic Musings is very strict about the importance it attaches to the use of critique to encourage poetic excellence. It is one of the reasons I joined - I needed to be told where I was going wrong.

There is, of course, no harm is slipping in a friendly personal comment, amongst the critique, .

But: to offhandedly dismiss both the subject of the poem and its content - and then, when challenged, to return to make a totally unrelated political statement of one's own, is abusing the enormous privilege we are given when someone offers us their work for criticism.

It is easy to see how many people have read one's poem, and draw one's own conclusions.
It is not essential to, 'just let them know that we have read it.'

Alan, You did a fine, heartfelt job with the challenge - although, for me, to give G. B. upper-case 'He's & Him's' still jars slightly. and distracts from the smooth reading - but seventy years of religious indoctrination have made me a trifle 'twitchy' on the subject.
Love, Leo





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4rum
post Apr 12 10, 03:44
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Dear Alan;

I can certainly identify with your exasperation with the 'powers that be'. The obvious sarcasm and disdain should have great universal appeal to 'everyman' ... which I am. down.gif

'rum


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Alan
post Apr 13 10, 09:17
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Dear Leo and Sam,

Thank you both for the comments.

Leo, no problem with the "hijacking", as long as discussion is held in a civilised way. I think tho that all that needs to be said has now been said.

I should also note that politics and religion can be very hot topics, and, as you have pointed out twice, I managed to mix them together here, in my defence I will claim that it it to highlight my sulphuric satire intent !

Steve, your response was perfectly OK with me, in that you correctly pointed out that you hold similar views in your country.

Sam, thank you, I accept the world's plaudits as embodied by you !

Love
Alan


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Larry
post Apr 16 10, 14:14
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Hey Alan,

Nice use of the given words. Sometimes one or two of the words will coincide with a current thought and, Ta-Dah! A poem appears from the recesses of our outrage and gives one a cathartic release to our ongoing frustrations. Only one small nit "short one syl in the last line"! Perhaps add "foul" before "crime"!

I haven't been to the weekly/monthly/10 word challenges lately. I shall return when things slow down around my house a bit. Don't want to burden anyone with the who's or why's.

Note to Everyone: PLAY NICE!!!

Larry



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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
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Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
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Eisa
post Apr 16 10, 14:43
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Hi Alan

I do admire your ability to use challenge words and write something great like this.
Just a couple of suggestions - take or toss!


The profile of my bank account,
the complete texture of my life;
He’s sheltered me from much self-harm
by taxes, excised with state knife.

L2 delete 'the' as you have 'the' at the start of L1
Perhaps
completed/unbroken texture of my life


With His moonlight, in soft focus,
He spin doctors and tells us lies;
on balance I’m much better off.
Oh look, there is a pig that flies !

In short cameo performance,
He pretends he’s minister, Prime,
dispelling my prosperity :
Please, Thames River, drown His crime.

Last line - I think this line would read smoother if you said 'River Thames' instead of swapping it round.
Also to make up the missing beat chang drown to submerge or immerse

Please, River Thames submerge/immerse his crime

Hope this helps - take or toss

Snow
Snowflake.gif

Challenge words : profile texture shelter
moonlight balance cameo dispel river


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Alan
post Apr 17 10, 01:22
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Dear Larry,

Thank you, spot on, now "fouler" than it was !

Love
Alan


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Alan
post Apr 17 10, 01:27
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Dear Eisa,

Thank you too, more fine spots ! I've reversed the Thames, it now flows UP to Gloucestershire.

I've made that first "the" to "sad", not just a change, but added info !

And the "foul" from Larry's crit goes well with that too.

Love
Alan


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