|
Four Old Women, Choice Award |
|
|
|
Jun 4 05, 07:10
|
Creative Chieftain
Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
|
I live in the country ten kilometres inland from the deep blue South Pacific Ocean, pure white sandy beaches, if travel North up the coast the scenery changes I find myself plodding through bracken fern atop high cliffs, a sharp turn and I face an inlet, and directly across the water, four headlands jut out into the ocean: in the distance waves crash against buff-brown, shadowy, stout bodies. I call these magnificent towers ‘The Four Old Women’
Member Choice Award Winner
*Graphic provided by Celtic Castle Designs
[Rhyme]
Four Old Women
Four old women down by the shore swept by waves constant and pure. Foaming flounces fondling fat feet, tickling tanned toes, under each seat.
Vivid blue water poking rock places frothy white rides to stoic staircases. Keen spirits sting in gristly bangles lifting scent from zesty kelp tangles.
Photic light, tones rugged worn skin parting grey scales and wavering fin. Misty steam on draining dank ledges milky cascades feed fernery hedges.
Pivotal swirls course along at a rate flow to pools then flags with debate. Salt shouted spray wafts to wet chins then sinless, drips to tunics and shins.
Women dance in the fire of the sun, cooling waves run-rerun and rerun. Sheer scarped sinuate steeped shades citadels, ring echoes, bent colonnades.
Sough the echoes, sough the echoes… Hear to the echoes, echoes old women? Hear thundering echoes old women. Hear the echoes…
Arnfinn.
©John Macleod 2005
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
Guest_Nina_*
|
Jun 5 05, 00:53
|
Guest
|
Hi Arnie
I enjoyed this poem of your 4 women. Do you have a photograph as it would be interesting to see what the four headlands look like, what you are describing. I like your use of repitition in the last verse to depict the ebb and flow of the tide.
Photic light, tones rugged worn skin parting grey scales and wavering fin. Misty steam on draining dank ledges milky cascades feeds fernery hedges. ...feed not feeds thanks
Nina
|
|
|
|
Guest_Jox_*
|
Jun 5 05, 04:43
|
Guest
|
Hi Arn,
Wonderful descriptive poem about your locale. I don't really have any suggestions at this point (Nina has covered the only one I can think of) - I thought the whole worked very well.
Even your prose intro was really well-written and captured me (I read it after the poem). I would request that you don't mention the "deep blue South Pacific Ocean" as we face another rainy, grey day of a British Spring / Summer, please. It's torture.
Actually... Photic light - is that tautology? There a suggestion (implicit, anyway).
Well done John.
Thanks!
J.
|
|
|
|
Guest__*
|
Jun 5 05, 06:15
|
Guest
|
Dear Arnie,
You are developing quite a line on scenic poetry, and I feel closer to all the frilly bits of Oz as a result. Well done.
Could possibly become known as the Outhouse Poet, or do I mean Outback Poet ?
Keep it up !
Love Alan
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 5 05, 07:02
|
Creative Chieftain
Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
|
Hi James,
The word Photic.
I found photic in my big 5000 odd page Oxford.
photic /fotik/ 1- of or relating to light. 2-(of the ocean layers) reached by sunlight.
Number 2 was the meaning used in the poem. Photic is quite an ugly word, though, the phonetic [fotic] is quite acceptable in the contex of the written subject.
Photic light, tones rugged worn skin parting grey scales and wavering fin.
So James, the meaning.
Brilliant sunlight penetrating the wash at the base of the cliffs, revealing the erosion caused by the surge against the rocks. The light also highlights the marine life, the grey scales of the fish and the wavering fin.
So glad you asked the question, mate.
:knight: :knight: :knight: :knight:
Can't do much about the weather James, big blue astral enhancements down here, still got Crimson Rosella's in the brilliant red flowered Bottle Brush, and for Winter it's a pleasant 21%. God, I hate this place sometimes...
Listen I got a pressie for ya, e-mail your Address, 'n I'll send it too ya.
Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock
John :taco: :taco: :taco: :knight:
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 5 05, 07:47
|
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry
|
Dear Arnfinn, "Four Old Women", how nicely you've puttogether those images and the alliteration in a rollicking cadence. Yours is a poem not easily forgotten. Your description of the four old ladies outside the verse shows your wordcraft. I'd like to see a photo too! As a response to your response from my rewrite from Hamlet, I'm dedicating one to you. Cheers, jgd
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 7 05, 15:48
|
Group: Platinum Member
Posts: 1,802
Joined: 24-April 04
From: Connecticut
Member No.: 58
Real Name: Ron Jones
Writer of: Poetry
|
Dear Arnfinn, If our paths continue to run parallel, certainly not cross, you'll find I have great appreciacion for beat in poetry and thus am a light verser. On reading "Four Old Women", my first thought was that I wish I hqad written that. In these 4+ years I've nev3er said that or anything much like it. The beat as I read it aloud with some emphasis just captured me. All the alliteration assured me you're all for asserting the smiles. For me, a really enjoyable read and a big smile (anda desire to seethe old women) Cheers, ron jgd
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
Guest_Toumai_*
|
Jun 8 05, 01:53
|
Guest
|
Hi Arnie,
Some fabulous lines here in your descriptions - hard to pick any favs! But I do love the 'Foaming flounces fondling fat feet' and 'Keen spirits sting in gristly bangles/ lifting scent from zesty kelp tangles.'
And some interesting education, too - love the way we need to learn some new language use to read your meanings: 'photic' - didn't know that one at all.
Cheers,
Fran
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 8 05, 02:44
|
Creative Chieftain
Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
|
Oh, Hi Fran,
Good to see ya.
Thank you for letting meknow about the favourite bits of me poem.
I find that theres always something interesting going on at MM.
I might have time to participate more in the other stuff soon.
Regards,
John :troy: :wizard:
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Jun 8 05, 03:50
|
Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,660
Joined: 23-August 03
From: Somerset, England
Member No.: 22
Real Name: Grace
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
|
QUOTE How are you Grace? Yes you seem to be Ok. Yeh, I'm great mate - it's all the others ya gotta worry about!Mate, your a lifesaver. When I got down to ya blue writing I banged the palm of me hand into me skull. I'm a bit of a Dubbo, I forgot to get meself a beer. So I went and got one outa the fridge. [] < Tooheys OLD Black Ale. After I've had a couple of TOBA's I'm havin a crack at the test. EH?? What kinda dubbo sits down at the PC without a cold tinnie? If anyone finds out you'll be drummed outta that great male Oz institution, HC RATS (Hands Clamped Round A Tinnie Society.) Whats this Brill Bill caper? You into the sauce bottle or sumthin? We have some bird names, do ya mean Broadbill or perhaps Bul Bul. We have a lot of Bul Bul's flying across our mere's Nah ya galah, not a bird. Stands fer brilliant William. Think it comes from some TV show, but don't hold me ta that Arn, me brain goes walkabout a fair bit these days.)Good ta see your smiling face again Grace. Gawd, don't tell me ya sneaked inta me computer room and planted a webcam Arn? an' me sat sittin' here in me diaphonous daif diaffen see through nightie with only me vest underneath! Beryl Cook? Nah! Dunno her Grace. She doesn't have any seafaring ancestry does she? Aw, yer in fer a real treat mate! Here's a coupla links. First one's a biog. Second one's a sample of some of her brilliantly jolly pichers. They'll put a smile on yer face as big as a Cheshire Cat's mate. Just don't go frightening Lily now.https://www.secured-space.com/berylcook/pages/bio.htmhttp://www.beryl-cook-prints.com/ See ya cob, Pleased ya dropped and gave my poem the once over. Pleasure's all mine Arn.
······· ·······
|
|
|
|
|
Dec 31 05, 11:04
|
Mosaic Master
Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep
|
Congrats John on your Member Choice award winning tile!
Well done!
~Cleo :)
······· ·······
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the RingsCollaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. KanterNominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner
|
|
|
|
Guest_Don_*
|
Dec 31 05, 11:28
|
Guest
|
Congratulations John.
I am certain to have missed this summer issue if not for your belated award.
Congratulations on your latest award and for the excellent read.
Don
|
|
|
|
Guest_Nina_*
|
Dec 31 05, 17:32
|
Guest
|
Hi John
congratulations on your member choice award for this poem.
Well done
Nina
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
Read our FLYERS - click below
Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning
your writings. ENJOY!
|
|
|
|