Let Us Gather...***, Rhyming couplets (acbd end rhyme scheme) Options

[Luce]

Let Us Gather…REVISION II

Every year the pot comes down
beside Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite. Thank God for boots.

There's sister Jan and her gang of kids
who'll fill the house with high pitch screams.

There’s cousin Joe who burps and spits
while hollering for his football team.

Our kinfolk come and then they go
all stuffed to burst with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
and then they die and go to Vegas.

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Let Us Gather…REVISION

Every year the pot comes down
besides Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite us. Thank God for boots.

Sister Jan and her gang of kids
fill the house with high pitch screams.

There’s cousin Joe who burps and spits
hollering for his football team.

Families come and families go
stuffed to burst with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
then they die and go to Vegas.

Note: Please! No cat was intentionally harmed in the production of this poem. See note way below.

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I was saving this for Christmas - but oh what the heck. Pre-Thanksgiving is close
enough. Besides, the rhyming board seems a little bare.


Let Us Gather… - ORIGINAL

Every year the pot comes down
besides Aunt Clara from her roost.

Her cat, the one we almost drowned,
still tries to bite us. Thank God for boots.

Sister Jan and her gang of kids
fill the house with screams.

While cousin Joe, who spits
his words, cheers for his team.

Relatives come and they go
stuffed with the juicy latest.

They fill the pot with all they know
then they die and go to Vegas.


Luce

Note: Please! No cat was intentionally harmed in the production of this poem. A visiting relative's cat just decided to make a mad dash around the kitchen at the same time another relative was carrying a large pot full of water to put the peeled potatoes in. The cat got wet, the kitchen floor got wet, the relative got very wet.

The boot reference really involved another visiting relative's senior toy poodle who would growl and nip
at your ankles when you came in. It was okay in winter cause we all had boots on because of the cold
weather. Summer was torture though.

Alas, both cat and dog have been in pet heaven for many years now. But after that, no pets were allowed at family gatherings - except for puppies and kittens. Hey we're not that heartless.

[Luce]

Hi Daniel,

I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the correction on how to properly identify the rhyme scheme.
I wish I could correct the topic subtitle with your correction but I'm having problems finding out how
to do that here.

I looked it up in the FAQ's and it said I had to select "full edit" if I want to correct the topic title
or subtitle. But I don't have that option when I go to my post. I just have "edit".

Yes, I would love to workshop this poem. I'd like to be able to write longer and more consistent
metered pieces. Right now I'm largely dependent on reading it aloud and trying to identify stresses.

I can usually identify the strong pulses but it's the multi syllable words that get me. After a while
everything sounds stressed - or maybe it's just me.

I've done a revision to try and correct the lines I think just have 3 pulses. I hope I identified the right
ones.