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> Autumn's Breeze, Huitain
Larry
post Oct 11 15, 23:34
Post #1


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Autumn’s Breeze

Forestall that chilling breath which augurs change
and pirouettes the leaves in slow ballets
on air. Your choreographies arrange
them on the ground in colors that amaze.
Spare some that early fate while summer wanes
to give the forests time to fully blaze
and me, warm afternoons in quiet lanes
to thank how nature's palette lets me gaze.



the last line did read: to see how nature's palette can amaze


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Arnfinn
post Oct 12 15, 03:28
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G'day Larry'


Poetry in motion...

A poets simplicity of happiness.

You write good poetry my friend.

Regards,

John :pink troy.gif panther:


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Arnfinn

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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JustDaniel
post Oct 12 15, 11:12
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Hey, Larry...

I told you you'd get good comment. A say again, I think this is maybe your loveliest poem that I've read... and you know that I've probably read more of your poems than anyone!

The only thing I see missing in this one is the apostrophe after 'nature'.

deLighting in your writing, Daniel sun.gif


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Larry
post Oct 12 15, 16:32
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Hi Daniel,

You are, of course, correct about "nature" needing to be possessive in that aspect. I'll make it so after I post this
answer. Thanks for catching that.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

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Larry
post Oct 12 15, 16:35
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Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hi John,

Thank you for the visit. You don't know how surprised I was to find someone else posting on MM other than
Daniel, Eric, Rhymer and myself.

I do appreciate the kudos and wish you would come back and post some of your own. You are not a slouch
when it comes to poetry yourself.

Again, thanks,

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Oct 15 15, 17:45
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Hi Larry, wave.gif

This is so lovely! I haven't seen this poetic form in some time and am glad to see you post with it. grinning.gif

I love this image:
Spare some that early fate while summer wanes
to give the forests time to fully blaze


The trees here are turning that yellow now - some are red but the colors are not are vibrant this year as in the past. Boo! That's my favorite.
It's going to get down into the 30s overnight this weekend. BRrrrrrrrrrr. Snowflake.gif

I hope you are well and I enjoyed the read! Read.gif
~Cleo Pharoah.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Eisa
post Oct 28 15, 08:11
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Hi Larry,

I so enjoyed reading this beautiful and topical huitain - one of my favourite forms. I've written a handful but in a slightly different format

a a b a a b c c

I have no R&M poems to post at the moment only a few in FV. I hope I'll not be in Serens on my own ghostface.gif

Eira


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Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal.
Write from the heart - it's therapeutic.
Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin!

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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Larry
post Oct 29 15, 21:32
Post #8


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Thank you Lori and Snow,

I appreciate your visit and your kind words. I didn't believe Daniel when he said I should post my Huitain here
because it might get some feedback and lure some people in to read it. Surprise!!!

Lori, Daniel and I have been swapping a few of these over in Karnak if you care to read some more.

Snow, I think the format you use is what Daniel calls "an enclosed huitain ". He's written a few of that type also
and you may also find them in the Huitain string in Karnak.

Again, Thanks for the visit.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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anaisa
post Nov 1 15, 11:33
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Real Name: karen
Writer of: Poetry



Hi Larry,

Nice to read your poetry again. This is a calm and beautiful picture you have captured in your words.
I just have one suggestion, that would be to possibly change the first word to "restrain"
Restrain that chilling breath which augurs change. To me, restrain sounds nice with the
last word "change" and forestall sounds a little dated. That's all (take it or leave it!)love the poem!



Forestall that chilling breath which augurs change
and pirouettes the leaves in slow ballets
on air. Your choreographies arrange


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Larry
post Nov 1 15, 15:01
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Referred By:Just wondered in.



Hello Karen,

I considered a lot of words to begin with but wanted to go with something which would catch the eye and
apparently it did catch your eye. Although you feel it to be an "outdated" word, it is highly descriptive in that
it covers a lot of different meanings; all of which have the connotation I was looking for.

I used forestall- prevent, hinder or block, so there would be a few leaves left to enjoy.

If I changed it to restrain- restrict, contain or control, that would eventually leave no leaves (pardon the pun).

Thank you for the read and I'm glad you enjoyed.

Larry


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When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the areas of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses.
John Fitzgerald Kennedy



Kindness is a seed sown by the gentlest hand, growing care's flowers.
Larry D. Jennings

MM Award Winner
 
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anaisa
post Nov 1 15, 15:28
Post #11


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Posts: 138
Joined: 11-May 10
From: california
Member No.: 1,120
Real Name: karen
Writer of: Poetry



Sounds good enough to me. I can appreciate your explanation :)


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