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> This Place I Learned to Hide ***, Villanelle
JustDaniel
post Jan 2 16, 08:11
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Posts: 18,457
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



This is a revision of a villanelle I wrote over a decade ago and posted in Karnak in the Villanelle thread. I'm not sure that I ever posted it here, but it is an expansion of the original by converting it from iambic tetrameter to iambic pentameter to help clarify my intention in this piece. I'd be open to any suggestions for further revision.


This Place I Learned to Hide

this dread… this puzzling emptiness inside
that makes me often want to run away
somewhere within… this place I learned to hide

forgotten shame? a fear? I can’t decide
Oh, God! this numbing fog seems here to stay…
this dread… this puzzling emptiness inside

no one in whom I freely can confide
who’ll help me look into this murky gray
somewhere within… this place I learned to hide

a glimpse, a curtain sudden pulled aside
a fleeing specter melts. How can I stay
this dread? …this puzzling emptiness inside?

a hundred lonely nights, alone I’ve cried
please show me; somehow put it on display
somewhere within… this place I learned to hide

I know some day You’ll in Your time provide
more Light… somehow You’ll graciously allay
this dread… this puzzling emptiness inside…
somewhere within… this place I learned to hide

© MLee Dickens'son


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Arnfinn
post Jan 30 16, 06:17
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Group: Centurion
Posts: 2,587
Joined: 9-August 03
From: Australia
Member No.: 17
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry




G'day Daniel

I suppose you could go gently into the night--a good place to hide.

You made a good job of this presentation--I did not miss a beat.

How is the pullover scene can you get a glimpse of the lady. pinkpanther.gif

Regards The Finn. troy.gif troy.gif



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Arnfinn

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