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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Free Verse Poetry for Critique -> Seren's Synapse _ The Braeburn Tree **

Posted by: Eisa May 27 17, 17:03

The Braeburn Tree

Mother-like it stoops, watching Sheba’s endless
sleep, drapes its blush pashmina over her in spring.

Its body inclines across the slender path to bask
in solar warmth; arms grasp us as we grapple to pass.

After harvest, we shovel it out, abandoning windfalls
to compost the ground, around a gaping cavity.

Repositioned by the wishing well, we pamper it, hope
sap will course through veins again and the chasm left

will not be needed very soon. In February’s gloom, we wait
for the man trapped in traffic, carrying a mercy-potion.

It takes seconds. Max is swallowed by the void as soil
shrouds him. We replant nearby bulbs, in memoriam.

I first perceived Max in a dream-chase, the tabby scurries
from Sheba’s umbrageous grave. Now he rests beside her.

Today, seedtime rays and drizzle foster apple blossoms
to unfurl; narcissi gently waver where heads once bowed.

---------------------------------------
St2 was
in solar warmth; arms grasp us as we grapple passed.

Posted by: Larry Jun 1 17, 09:26

Hi Eira,

I don't have any nits or crits; just a few tears. I've had too many pets pass away in the last few months so your post affected me. I just wanted to pen a sonnet for you and your loved ones. This is not for critique or anything else. It is my gift to you.

Larry

Max and Sheba

for Eira

I see where soul’s bright diamonds etched the page
with sad cathartic words wrenched from the heart
to ease the pain. Loss, filled with helpless rage,
will soon abate and memories impart
remembered love once found within a dream.
Your litany of loss is eulogy
to life’s companionship but it would seem
that each demise is like the apple tree.

They’re planted in your life with love and hope
to grasp at your emotions every day.
Although you know the brevity and scope
of that allotted time they must obey.
In losing them, your grief the chasm fills
as they both rest beneath the daffodils.

thx Daniel!

Posted by: JustDaniel Jun 14 17, 17:14

Dear Eira...

I've hesitated to comment because of the subject matter. I'm clear that Sheba and Max are your deceased pets and that Sheba seems to have predeceased Max, but I'm unclear about the digging, leaving a hole, filling one of them so long after... and what the 'mercy-potion' might be. Please forgive my ignorance. Also wondering if last word of S2L2 is "past".

So sorry for your loss, my friend.

Larry, you've again written a beautiful and almost flawless sonnet. I'd only ask you to consider something like
'chasm' to replace your otherwise accurate word 'void' at the end of S2L5.

deLighting in both of you, Daniel

Posted by: Larry Jun 15 17, 14:13

Hey Daniel,

I probably shouldn't be carrying on the string in Eira's absence but from what I figured out, the "chasm left" is from digging up the apple tree and with the stated hope that it wouldn't be needed (for a burial) anytime soon. The mercy-potion was, I believe, for Max.

Sorry Eira! Hope I surmised correctly. Hope you and yours are doing okay and I look forward to your return to MM.

Larry

Posted by: RC James Jun 18 17, 20:15

Eira - I'm not too clear on the movements and mechanics of the situation but am very clear on the emotion and feeling behind them. My sister and brother and I held a solemn march across a broad field and over the tracks to bury our first dog - Ouija - My condolences - and best - RC

Posted by: Eisa Jun 26 17, 17:06

Hi Larry, Daniel and Richard,

Thank you so much for offering your thoughts here. I will return and answer you individually tomorrow as it's my bedtime now and I'm too tired to collect my thoughts.

See you soon
Eira

Posted by: Ali zonak Jun 26 17, 18:59

Eira,
please accept my condolences on the passing of your beloved pets. A friend of mine just buried her companion, an old dog, also named Max, and I cried with her. I have written poems about my deceased pets, but cannot bring myself to compose any more. I still have two dogs and two cats that--most likely--will outlive me. Fortunately, I have family that will take care of my friends. Pardon me, if I don't offer crits on a poem written in sorrow. I had to Google "Braeburn Apple Tree, a tree that was propagated (grafted) by an Australian arborist of that name. Be well, Eira. Ali

Posted by: Eisa Jun 29 17, 16:50

Hi All,

Thank you for your various comments and Larry for your beautiful sonnet.

I felt perhaps I should explain the poem as it is rather complex.

Our collie Sheba was buried under the tree many years ago now and I have written many poems about her.
I had a dream (mentioned in St 7) not long after she died about a Dalmatian chasing a cat from Sheba's grave, To cut a long story short, we adopted a Dalmatian, Max, 4 years later and when studying his birth certificate I found that he was born (near enough) on the night I had my dream. Spooky, eh?

In recent days the tree grew over the path and we decided to move it to another part of the garden, leaving the chasm as we knew that Max was ill and might be buried there. (It would be difficult digging frozen ground)

The mercy potion, Daniel, was the medication to 'put him to sleep'

I hope that answers any questions.

Eira