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> Health Care, In relation to current health reform talk.
ace
post Aug 28 09, 17:33
Post #1


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 87
Joined: 27-November 06
Member No.: 361
Real Name: Ross Baird
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Mysty



In light of all the healh care controversy, thought it might be o.k. to go back to lines I wrote in the Teri Schivo situation....remember?

Health Care*

The death watch began
the Friday before Palm Sunday.
The highest authority washed its hands of it.
The mother sobbed as mother's
do...helpless;
a few tried to takle water in;
the centurions stopped them.
The doctors said it would not be paniful.
She didn't complain; she couldn't.
Some say towards the last she said
she wanted to live.
Authority said the sounds
were only involuntary moans.
It took so long.
I wonder how long that
seemingly smiling face
will haunt us.


* In memory of Teri Schivo.


ace
 
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Maggie
post Aug 28 09, 20:01
Post #2


Greek
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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 698
Joined: 29-May 06
From: US East Coast
Member No.: 185
Real Name: Peggy Harwood
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:just wandered in



Hi Ace,

I like the poem very much!! magictongue.png magictongue.png magictongue.png magictongue.png

Don't have but one nit to pick. I do think the title need amending a bit though. I know I can only speak for myself, but without your introductory sentence before the poem, I wouldn't have remembered who died then. Personally, a fantastically large and almost overwhelming events near Easter 2005 caused me to be unable to follow the news back then. One of those events was the apparent downturn of the health of my father. I suggest putting her name and then "Easter 3005" as the title.

Again, very good job imho!!!

Peggy


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ace
post Aug 29 09, 16:03
Post #3


Babylonian
*

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 87
Joined: 27-November 06
Member No.: 361
Real Name: Ross Baird
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Mysty





Peggy: You are completely right. Have changed the title. Thank you for the read and the kind words.

ace
 
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Guest_Ishmael_*
post Aug 30 09, 08:08
Post #4





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I also like this poem and I also have but one nit to pick. The word 'centurion' stuck out for me and took me out of the poem. It didn't seem to suit the setting or tone.

Otherwise, I think it was simple and effective. Actually, I do have one other little point. Looking again at the last three lines I wonder if you could rephrase it to include a reflection on how quickly she was forgotten, since the truth is her face didn't haunt many for long at all. That's just a suggestion from personal taste though.
 
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