 A Man and His Gas(Revision 1), limerick |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
 Aug 23 08, 11:48
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#1
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 Greek  Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in  |
A Man and His Gas (Revision 1)
(Thanks Wally & Cleo!) The rich man who lives on the hill refuses to pay his gas bill. Says he'd rather die than pay bills so high as he can make gas at his will!! A Man and His Gas The rich old man on top of the hill refuses to pay his gas bill. He says he'd rather die than pay something so high which he can make on his own-at will!! Peggy Carpenter Harwood ·······  ······· |
  
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Aug 23 08, 13:53
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#2
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Peggy,
And I thought you were a lady ... ! Excellent idea for a limerick, but one thing they need is regularity, except possibly in the last line : A rich old man on top of the hill -9 refuseD to pay OUTRAGEOUS gas bill. -9 He WOULD rather die -5 than pay bill so high - 5 he can make it on his own, at will!! -9 In no way am I saying my words are better, but the 9,9,5,5,9 is ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Aug 23 08, 14:01
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#3
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Alan,
Glad you got the joke!! And thanks for the 99559 tip!! I honestly didn know that! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Aug 23 08, 15:54
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#4
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Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 3,446 Joined: 16-October 06 From: UK Member No.: 298 Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends |
Dear Peggy,
Not sure it has to be 99559, but something very similar. Speaking as a somewhat old man myself, though not rich, except in the matter under discussion above, Of COURSE I got the joke ! Love Alan ······· ······· |
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Aug 24 08, 12:06
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#5
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 Ornate Oracle Posts: 2,085 Joined: 24-May 04 From: Time, Immoral Member No.: 66 Writer of: Poetry |
I hope if I comment like this I will not be considered remiss – let me write a short ditty that I hope will be witty, and not be thrown down an abyss.
It’s really a tough situation and it’s struck the entire nation – how gas is a treasure, each gallon and measure, so lets blow it and cause consternation! ······· ······· |
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Aug 24 08, 12:37
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#6
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 Mosaic Master  Posts: 18,892 Joined: 1-August 03 From: Massachusetts Member No.: 2 Real Name: Lori Kanter Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Imhotep |
Wow - two poetic responses in one reply, Merlin - wow.
Any crit buried in there, I'm not expert in limericks, although one could argue that this should be posted in Shogun's, our short forms forums (poems with 7 lines or less). Hey Peggy - it's not so much a 99559 as it is to use anapests. Hers's one Daniel wrote to me years ago to illustrate this form: QUOTE Limerick Lesson for Lori uh ONE-2-3; ONE-2-3; KICK it! uh ONE-2-3; ONE [That’s the TICKet!] then ONE-2-3; ONE and ONE-2-3; ONE then ONE-2-3; ONE [See, you’ll LICK it!] © Daniel J Ricketts 26 Nov 2002 It consists of five lines, rhyming aabba, and the dominant meter is anapestic (a metrical foot composed of two short syllables followed by one long one, as in the word seventeen). A line of verse using this meter for example is “’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house”), with two feet in the third and fourth lines and three feet in the others. Be back later... ~Cleo ······· ·······"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind. "I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!  "Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.MM Award Winner           |
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Aug 24 08, 14:24
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#7
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Merlin,
I like your replies!!!  Thanks for the ditties!!!Peggy Hi Cleo, I'm going to do some study of anapests!! All the scansion I can remember is iambic pentameter! Duh!!  Thank you both for your much appreciated replies!!! Peggy ······· ······· |
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Aug 25 08, 05:09
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#8
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 Laureate Legionnaire Posts: 783 Joined: 24-July 07 From: South Africa Member No.: 457 Real Name: Walter Schwim Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:Mistral |
Dear Peggy,
This is a great idea for a limerick but I’m afraid you have got the metre quite mixed up. Limericks use anapaestic or amphibrachic metre as well as the required number of syllables. Generally a 9,9,6,6,9 pattern with an a,a,b,b,a rhyming pattern is traditional but the last syllable can be dropped with a caesurs or pause there instead. So, watch the stressed syllables in upper case. Hope this is helpful. Wally di-DUM-di/ di-DUM-di/di-DUM-di (9 syll or 8 with a pause) di-DUM-di/ di-DUM-di/di-DUM- _ (9 syll or 8 with a pause) di- DUM -di/ di- DUM-di (6 Syll or 5 with a pause) di- DUM -di/ di- DUM-di (6 Syll or 5 with a pause) di-DUM-di/ di-DUM-di/di-DUM- _ (9 syll or 8 with a pause) The rich man/ who lives on /the hill refuses /to pay his/ gas bill. says he'd ra/ther die than pay bills/ so high as he can/ make gas at/ his will!! ······· ······· |
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Aug 25 08, 07:37
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#9
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Greek Posts: 698 Joined: 29-May 06 From: US East Coast Member No.: 185 Real Name: Peggy Harwood Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:just wandered in |
Hi Wally,
Thanks ever so much!!!  Peggy ······· ······· |
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