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Moth and Flower Works, Poems in response to Alan's Challenge |
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Guest_Jox_*
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Feb 2 05, 06:01
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Guest
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Hi,
I think this may be my first ever posting in this forum.
I'm not claiming that the following are brilliant and deserve no crit but I have other works I need crit for, so I'll just place these in here for the moment and if anyone would like to comment I'd appreciate that. I may / may not place them for crit at a later date. Thank you.
There were inspired by:
Alan's Poem
Based on a ten-word challenge.
I've only just done them, so no details yet - will add later.
The ten words are:
white; moth; found; wayside; flower; height; design; innocent; carried; satin
These are my two responses, hitherto...
© James Oxenholme, 2005. I, James Oxenholme, do assert my right to be identified as the author of these works in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance, only.
Work A: (Minimalist)
White moth found wayside flower: innocent design carried satin within its height.
(end)
Work B: (Not so minimalist)
Satin moth glided onto white flower, embedded into wayside height.
Within it, found an innocent design carried ecstasy.
(end).
Thanks for any comments!
James.
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Posts in this topic
Jox Moth and Flower Works Feb 2 05, 06:01 Toumai Hi James,
Thought I'd drop by to admire your ... Feb 2 05, 06:35 Nina Hi James
You definitely win the crown for minimal... Feb 2 05, 07:44 Jox Hi Fran,
Thanks for popping in. I'm not suppo... Feb 2 05, 12:28 Jox Nina, hi,
Thanks for popping-in, too.
Sorry I... Feb 2 05, 12:46 Nina Hi James
(Confessional: initially the string is ... Feb 2 05, 12:52 Jox Sorry, Nina... but honesty usually pays in the end... Feb 2 05, 12:57 JLY James,
Today, I prefer "B". For me I can better vi... Feb 2 05, 13:12 Jox John,
Hi - thanks for commentating.
B for you, S... Feb 2 05, 13:29
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