Winds Born of Our Sighs Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

In gentle
winds born of our sighs
lay the essence of our desire
To be held within these hearts
forever

Yet pleaded words and
impassioned cries
beg release
from tangled webs
woven between us
Emotions storming
in roiling
winds born of our sighs

Scarlet rose petals curl
enclose eternal flame within
No longer to feel
the prick of thorns
Aspire to cleave
heightened senses swirl
Soft touches brew stormy
on winds born of our sighs

copyright Dec2004  Cathy Bollhoefer
All rights reserved as an unpublished work by Cathy Bollhoefer

[Guest_Toumai_*]

Hi Cathy,

This is very atmospheric. I get an image of a lasting relationship that sours, and all based on sighs - of desire or unhappiness. Very neatly done.

Beautiful words as always,
Fran

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thank you Fran!  I was beginning to think that this one would never get viewed!  LOL

And you are so right on in you interpretation!  The sighs are from both.

Cathy  :dove:  :holly:

[Guest_Jox_*]

Hi Cathy,

Yes, it is quite odd how it happens. Some of mine receive few responses then others receive so many I can't keep up. Anyway, this deserves more exposure.

In gentle winds
born of our sighs
(Like this - Dinah used similar words, too - most evocative)
lay the essence of our desire
To be held within these hearts
for ever after (“after” unnecessary)

Yet pleaded words and
impassioned cries (tad cliche, maybe?)
beg for release
from tangled webs (Good to see a Shakespearean reference here!)
woven between us
Emotions {are} storming
in roiling winds
born of our sighs

Scarlet rose petals curl[;] (Just noticed - you’re not using punct.. so forget that!
enclose eternal flame within (Good mixed metaphor) (Ironic use of “eternal” good)
No longer to feel
the prick of thorns
Aspire to cleave
heightened senses swirl (Didn’t quite get this)
Soft touches brew stormy
on winds born of our sighs

My crit is very light as I don’t feel this needs much at all Cathy - very sad and very well-written

I enjoyed this; thank you.

James.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

 :dove:  :holly:

Thank you James!  I live for days when I can get crits like this.  It shows me that I'm learning and growing.    :menorah:

I appreciate your time!

Cathy  :snowflake:  :xmas:

[Guest_Cathy_*]

I'm sorry James, I forgot an explanation!  

"heightened senses swirl" was taking the place of something like "passion's rise"  which I have a tendency to overuse.  The "heightened senses" being the passion and "swirl"  I thought might describe the mixed up, crazy feeling a person might get when passionate.  Also I thought it would tie in with the "soft touches brew stormy"...you know strong, "swirling" storm winds.  Anyway that's what that was about.

Cathy