The Family Oddity ~, 2nd Revision~ (Grandpa Was An Odd Duck) Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

The Family Oddity ~ 2nd Revision

Grandpa was exceptional -
enwrapped me in his arms;
I'd step in for a great big hug,
he'd smell of chicken farm.

His loving smile was stained with tar,
graying hair so thin,
fingers roughly cracked and bent,
but checkers he would win.

A friendly cuss no matter what -
helpful, loyal, kind;
when he walked up to say Hello,
pipe smoke would cloud your mind.

His tongue could spin a wondrous tale,
spawn laughs and slaps of knee;
then he'd make you spew your brew
when yelling, "Gotta pee!"

Yes, Grandpa was a stinker,
his pranks you could not beat;
lit fireworks beneath a chair,
invited, "Take a seat"!

He flirted with young women
and craved his favorite gin;
his snore could wake the angels,
but darn, how I loved him.

Cathy Bollhoefer~
copyright May2005



ORIGINAL:

Grandpa Was An Odd Duck

Grandpa was my favorite -
always wrapped me in his arms;
I'd step in for a great big hug,
he'd smell of chicken farm.

A friendly cuss no matter what -
helpful, loyal, kind;
when he walked up to say Hello,
the smoke would cloud your mind.

His tongue could spin a wondrous tale,
spawn laughs and slaps of knee;
then he'd make you spew your brew
when yelling, "Gotta pee!"

Yes, Grandpa was a stinker,
his pranks you could not beat;
lit fireworks beneath a chair,
invite you, "Take a seat"!

A loving smile stained with age,
his graying hair crinkly thin,
fingers roughly cracked and gnarled;
but darn, how I loved him.

Cathy Bollhoefer~
copyright May2005

[Guest_Jox_*]

A nicer man you'd never meet - (cliche)
no better friend you'd find; (cliche)
his smoke would cloud your mind. (great line)

then he'd make you spew your brew (yuk!)

then invited, "Take a seat"! (The Hot seat)

His loving smile was stained with age{,}[;]
but darn, how I loved him. (this is rather an anti-climax I think...)

(I have been trying to think of a better ending suggestion but cannot seem to, sorry. Maybe you can? It just seems a little flat to end like that).

Cathy, hi,

I thought this great. I was laughing and smiling. A wonderful poetic portrait of a much-loved chap. Really well done, James.

[Guest_Zeus˛_*]

Cathy,
a lovable old codger with a good sense of humor,
you have portrayed. But then again
us ole gramps can get away with all that.
Larry

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi James!

Top o' the mornin to ya!

Thanks for the suggestions, I will think about what you've said.

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Good morning Larry!

Just something I saw in my mind and I decided to write in down.
I don't remember my grandfather, I was very young when he passed
on.

Have a good day!

Cathy

[Guest__*]

Dear  Cathy,

I like this homely poem.

As it happens, I disagree with Jox about the last line - It had me smiling with wettish eyes. Lovely, I hope I can have that effect of those I leave behind !

Grandpa was my favorite -
he'd wrap me in his arms;
I'd step in for a great big hug,
he'd smell of chicken farm. -- can you lose one of the "he'd" ?

A nicer man you'd never meet -
no better friend you'd find; -- ditto "you'd"
when he walked up to say Hello,
his smoke would cloud your mind. -- there are lots of he and his, make this "the smoke".

His tongue could spin a wondrous tale,
spawn laughs and slaps of knee;
then he'd make you spew your brew
when he yelled, "I gotta pee!" -- when yelling "Gotta pee" !

Yes, Grandpa was a stinker,
his pranks you could not beat;
lit fireworks beneath a chair,
then invited, "Take a seat"!

His loving smile was stained with age,
graying hair so crinkly thin,
his fingers roughly cracked and gnarled;
but darn, how I loved him.

Cathy, as mentioned above, there are obviously lots of he and he's and him, I'd look through and see if some of them can be rephrased as I've shown above.

Btw, this painted a very live picture - I even felt censorious about the fireworks/danger, so to read that he is purely imaginary amazed me. Well done - you really give him life !

Love
Alan

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Dear Alan!

I didn't realize I had so many he's, him's and so forth til you pointed
it out.  Thank you, I will take care of that.

I'm working on a revision now!

Cathy

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

This poem shows the warm special relationship between the narrator and his/her Grandfather.  The humour of the old man really comes across and it is hard to believe this all comes from your imagination.


Thanks for the read, I did enjoy it.

Nina

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina!

Yes all imagination!  I don't remember my grandpa, I wish I did.
I'm not even sure where this came from.  I was sitting at the
computer last night, as usual, this thought popped into my
head and I ran with it.  Two poems were the result: this one and
one about grandma of course!  LOL

Cathy

[Aggiel]

Hi Cathy,

This poem gives  me a warm feeling,it's so touching,to see in others
such  feeling in our hearts. You have described those feelings for us.

Best

Aggiel

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Thank you Aggiel!  I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Cathy