 Skating |
Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews > Archives > Archives > ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Crit Prior to 2011  |
| Guest_ohsteve_* |
 Dec 13 07, 16:07
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#1
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Skating
Ice melts and moves swiftly beneath my silver blades, I loop and spiral down the rink effortlessly. I slide into figures and spins, do double axels and toe jumps, I dance as one with the ice. Then my dream shatters as I finish lacing my skates and my ankles bend awkwardly out. |
  
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Dec 26 07, 10:05
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#2
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 Ornate Oracle  Posts: 8,861 Joined: 27-August 04 From: Bariloche, Argentine Patagonia Member No.: 78 Real Name: Sylvia Evelyn Maclagan Writer of: Poetry & Prose Referred By:David Ting |
Very amusing, Steve! Enjoyed this one! How often we imagine ourselves doing some marvellous activity to perfection, before reality brings us down to er... earth. CRASH!!! I hope you didn't fall on the ice, Steve!
No nits, just perhaps remove some of the 'ands'. Your verse is short and to the point. Congrats! Cheers, Sylvia *** ·······  ·······Mis temas favoritos
The Lord replied, my precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. "There is no life higher than the grasstops Or the hearts of sheep, and the wind Pours by like destiny, bending Everything in one direction." Sylvia Plath, Crossing the Water, Wuthering Heights. Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here! MM Award Winner              |
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Jan 1 08, 16:50
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#3
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 Mosaic Master Posts: 4,599 Joined: 4-August 03 From: Birmingham, England Member No.: 12 Real Name: Eira Needham Writer of: Poetry Referred By:Lori |
This made me smile Steve and like Sylvia, I see nothing major to change, except removing a few 'ands'
Skating Ice melts, [and] moving[es] swiftly beneath my silver blades, I loop, effortlessly [and] spiralling down the rink [effortlessly]. I slide into figures [and] spinning, [do] double axels and toe jumps, I dance as one with the ice. Then my dream shatters as I finish lacing my skates and my ankles bend awkwardly out. I love the twist at the end! Snow 
······· ·······Live one day at a time -it's simpler that way.
Laugh loud & often - it's medicinal. Write from the heart - it's therapeutic. Beauty comes from within - the outer is just skin! Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here! MM Award Winner    |
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| Guest_Xanadu_* |
Jan 4 08, 11:43
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#4
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Cute stuff! I would have thought there might have been a twinge of pain somewhere en route before the ankle problem. A sharp icicle stab or some such!
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