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> Green With Envy, Wizard Award ~ A Poem
Guest_Jox_*
post May 26 05, 19:21
Post #1





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© Pel Farrant, 2005. I, Pel Farrant, do assert my right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with Sections 77 and 78 of The Copyrights, Designs And Patents Act, 1988. (Laws of Cymru & England, as recognised by international treaties). This work was simultaneously copyrighted in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and the United States of America. This work is posted as an unpublished work in order to elicit critical assistance and other helpful comment, only.

Ref: PF 0381 AD (AC to AD typo correction)


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Green With Envy
by PF

I have insufficient ink
to capture all greens of
grasses, trees, nettles
and myriad other
freshly-enlivened vegetation,
which beg to be conveyed
by a poet’s writing.

Anyway, my ink is black.

(end)




wink.gif"|1118501699 -->
 
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Guest_Nina_*
post May 27 05, 00:21
Post #2





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Hi James

Spring is here and the countryside is coming alive.  Now all the blossom has fallen, the trees are turning green and the sun hasn't had a chance to parch the grass (what sun? We've hardly had any yet) so everything is looking lush and verdant.  It is amazing how many different shades of green there are.

grasses, tress, nettles
should tress be trees?  I did look tress up in the dictionary, but didn't think you were referring to your hair (unless you've dyed it to match the green outside)

Anyway, my ink is black.
brilliant final line, could be interpreted in different ways.

I think you have managed very well to give me a picture in my mind of all the different greens without actually describing them.

Nina




 
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Guest__*
post May 27 05, 01:41
Post #3





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Dear Jox,

Ha !

I have one strange nit :

I have insufficient ink
to capture all greens of
grasses, tress, nettles
and myriad other
freshly-enlivened vegetation,
which beg to be conveyed
by a poet’s writing.

In any case,
my ink is black.

Your first verse is somehow very formal, and really makes its point thereby. Then you descend into the vernacular almost with "Anyway".

I think the poem would be much stronger if you stay with "proper" language, thus I suggest "In any case".

Oh, and do you really have green hair, or is that a typo ?

All in all, another slice of life as only Jox could see it !

Love
Alan




 
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Guest_Toumai_*
post May 27 05, 02:03
Post #4





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Good morning, James

Those woodland walks are wonderful inspiration.  :butterfly:

I can almost imagine a fine comic act-tor proclaiming S1 to the gods and then turning to make the last line as an aside to the audience (Frankie Howerd, perhaps ... in a green wig).

Ta, a nice read to start the day.

Fran
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 02:40
Post #5





Guest






Hi Nina,

>N>Spring is here and the countryside is coming alive.  Now all the blossom has fallen, the trees are turning green and the sun hasn't had a chance to parch the grass (what sun? We've hardly had any yet) so everything is looking lush and verdant.  It is amazing how many different shades of green there are.

I wrote this about two minutes after writing the previous poem I posted on MM - Sun-Bronzed. I was in the same location, still with dogs on my lap. When the clouds moved to obscure the sun it became very cold but when they moved on (as the Policeman of the sky said "No loitering 'ere") it became very warm. Besides, London looked very hot for the Cricket, yesterday. (I would take my summer holidays in Norway or Iceland by choice).

>N> grasses, tress, nettles... should tress be trees?  I did look tress up in the dictionary, but didn't think you were referring to your hair (unless you've dyed it to match the green outside)

I first read Alan's, Fran's and your comments on my e-mail system, before I logged on to MM this morning. As "Alan" is first in the alphabet, I read his first - about my green hair, then read the poem six or seven times wondering what he was on about. If I'd read them in chorological posting order (or if you'd care to change your name to Aardvark (if you don't mind)) the problem would have been solved. Thanks for mentioning "tress." Yes, trees, indeed. (Thanks for the trouble you took with the dictionary - appreciated). I did show this to someone else prior to posting - neither of us spotted it, so well done with your keen eyes.

>N>Anyway, my ink is black. brilliant final line, could be interpreted in different ways.

Thank you very much - I did hope that would be the case. Good to see something works!

>N>I think you have managed very well to give me a picture in my mind of all the different greens without actually describing them.

Great! Thank you again.

Thanks Nina; much appreciated. (Will tweak the correction in a mo.)

J.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 02:52
Post #6





Guest






Hi Alan,

Thanks for your visit / comments...

>A>Ha !
>A>All in all, another slice of life as only Jox could see it !

You mentioned this previously (different works) - I wish you’d say more - I’m fascinated by what you mean (I have no clue, sorry).

>A>I have one strange nit :
>A>Oh, and do you really have green hair, or is that a typo ?

Sorry, I couldn't resist juxtaposing "hair" and "nit" again on MM.

Typo corrected, thank you.

>A>Your first verse is somehow very formal, and really makes its point thereby. Then you descend into the vernacular almost with "Anyway". I think the poem would be much stronger if you stay with "proper" language, thus I suggest "In any case".

I shall think about this, thanks.

The reason for the change is that that final line / verse is meant to be the poet directly and personally being rueful. It (using “I”) is meant to compliment the personal first line. So the first verse is stating the case, the second is almost a sad soliloquy. The “descent” is, therefore, intended - but, of course, that does not mean the work would not be stronger if I changed it. I  don’t know, to be honest. I think I see what you mean but “in any case” somehow seems to remain aloof - as if the poet has not been affected by what he has realised. I wanted him brought down by the realisation. I wanted it to undermine his world (rather like “Poetry Lines“ - previously on MM).

Poetry Lines
by PF

The poet scrawled in his note:
Words don’t matter anymore.

Though, that is impersonal, of course. Interesting - as often with one of your crits - I shall have to think very carefully about this. Thank you, Alan.

J.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 03:03
Post #7





Guest






Hi Fran,

>F>Those woodland walks are wonderful inspiration.

They are - you'll have to join me one day; though I fear it might not work. I'd be talking about the economic importance of timber production to Guatemala and you'd be explaining the life cycle of the lesser-spotted beech tree, or some such. Think we'd drive each other nuts. Anyway...

>F>I can almost imagine a fine comic act-tor proclaiming S1 to the gods and then turning to make the last line as an aside to the audience (Frankie Howard, perhaps ... in a green wig).

[NB: Frankie Howard is a late, very famous, British comedian. He was very camp and excellent at delivering innuendo straight to camera.]

Sorry, you've lost me entirely here. This was actually a sad poem (from my perspective of writing) - how do you see comedy in it? (though Alan may too, from his comment)? Don't get me wrong: I welcome all and different interpretations - but I have no idea how this is at all humorous (unless it's just poor writing, creating a comic effect - that would make sense - which, ironically, would also prove the serious point of the poem).

I think my question is important because, despite welcoming all interpretations (and I really do) I have a point I wish to make here so might have to do a major re-write - or simply a sister poem - to replace the humour with the intended pathos. I think the latter because (as I say, above) if I have written humour that proves the point that a poet can’t write as he wants to; can’t capture what he wishes (or at least I can’t).

>F>Ta, a nice read to start the day.

Thanks. Err why? Really puzzled.

Thanks, Fran... I hope you will return and explain, please - your comments are much appreciated.

J.
 
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Guest__*
post May 27 05, 04:07
Post #8





Guest






Dear Jox,

Memo to self : Write out 500 lines "Jox is not funny" !

Seriously, folks, I did not consider this particular Jox poem to contain humour, or to be intentionally (or even un- ) funny.

Unless you mean funny-peculiar, which is what I try to describe with your uniqueness. Trouble with uniqueness is that the unique by definition can't see it - to them it is "normal" - so, we have a problem, Houston.

Jox, I mean your "poet's eye" that sees things in ways, or from slants, that otherd simply don't. Luckily for the rest of us, you also have the poet's tongue, in that you can articulate your thoughts.

Now, regarding the last line meant to echo the first, perhaps this could be achieved this way :

I have insufficient ink ...

to capture all greens of
grasses, trees, nettles
and myriad other
freshly-enlivened vegetation,
which beg to be conveyed
by a poet’s writing.

... anyway, my ink is black.

Thus making the 1st/last line link much clearer. If you did this, I would recommend keeping your wording.

Love
Alan
 
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Ephiny
post May 27 05, 04:39
Post #9


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 847
Joined: 14-November 03
From: Ireland
Member No.: 41
Real Name: Lucie
Writer of: Poetry & Prose



Hello James wave.gif

I really love the image and the point that you've made here..in just a few lines.  I always really envy writers who can do that!  I could see this right away..quite often on a walk or just standing outside my house, I notice how many different shades to green to everything that there is (and if I ever tried to paint a scene, I'd probably use the same green for everything!)

The last line sort of "hits" the reader as well..a slight regret or frustration.

You really let me see those greens!


·······IPB·······

Lucie

"What could have made her peaceful with a mind
That nobleness made simple as a fire,
With beauty like a tightened bow, a kind
That is not natural in an age like this,
Being high and solitary and most stern?
Why, what could she have done, being what she is?
Was there another Troy for her to burn?"
WB Yeats "No Second Troy"

MM Award Winner
 
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Guest_Nina_*
post May 27 05, 06:24
Post #10





Guest






Hi James

I agree with Lucie.  The last line does "hit the reader" and - for me anyway, the sadness came across clearly, though I realise I didn't actually say so in my post.  It is also the most important line in the poem.

Nina
 
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Guest_Toumai_*
post May 27 05, 06:42
Post #11





Guest






Hi James,

I think I may have misinterpretted this, in light of your comments: sorry. That is what comes of trying to crit in a rush, cos it's the last week of the half term and it's been mega-hectic and I was just off to assembly then swimming lesson as a helper (excuses, excuses: *bunch of flowers smiley*).

Reading the poem quickly, I saw a picture of an artist - wouldn't have to even be a poet, could be a painter - admiring the awe-inspiring spring woodland, dwarfed by it's majesty and vivid growth ... then realising he can only reprduce it in black and white, 2-dimensions ...

So I did see it as actually being a drily comic aside about our creative abilities, or lack.

So I think I missed the depths behind this. I could kick myself, but as several of the 8-year-olds managed to already do that while 'swimming' I am already nicely bruised.

Nuts? I'm already nuts (darn, no squirrel smiley, either  mouse.gif )

But it was a nice start to the day ...  turtle.gif

Fran
 
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Guest_Zeus²_*
post May 27 05, 06:59
Post #12





Guest






James,

could it be there aren't enough words
to describe what you see, ie:
the grandeur and majesty of spring,

Your only tool is the black ink,
certainly adequate to do it justice.

Larry
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 07:21
Post #13





Guest






Hi Fran,

I'll reply to your second posting before others because it continues the debate started previously.

Firstly, thank you for coming back.

However, if I was a little taken aback with your Frankie Howard comment, I'm really quite concerned by your latest comments...

>F>I think I may have misinterpreted this, in light of your comments: sorry.

I simply don't believe in misinterpretation of art. You brought your interpretation to my work and I'm very grateful for that. I didn't (don't) wish you to retract at all - I just asked you to explain. Why should your view not be as valid as anyone else's - including mine?

As regards an apology - thank you for your consideration but I cannot accept it at all. You have nothing whatsoever for which to apologise. (Apart from apologising, that is!)

>F> That is what comes of trying to crit in a rush, cos it's the last week of the half term and it's been mega-hectic and I was just off to assembly then swimming lesson as a helper (excuses, excuses: *bunch of flowers smiley*).

I'm unconvinced, sorry: you saw something no one else has and I really want to know what?

>F>Reading the poem quickly, I saw a picture of an artist - wouldn't have to even be a poet, could be a painter - admiring the awe-inspiring spring woodland, dwarfed by it's majesty and vivid growth ... then realising he can only reproduce it in black and white, 2-dimensions ...

That was one of my meanings I intended, yes. Spot on. But I still don't see any comedy in that - I'd be really grateful if you'd pop back to explain, please???

>F>So I did see it as actually being a dryly comic aside about our creative abilities, or lack.

Sorry, don't see the comedy here. May well be me.

>F>So I think I missed the depths behind this.

I'd say you were spot-on with your interpretation of my meaning (which is what I had expected) but, even as you put it, I see no comedy... my turn to be sorry?

>F> I could kick myself, but as several of the 8-year-olds managed to already do that while 'swimming' I am already nicely bruised.

Bad luck. I have no idea why you would wish to kick yourself.

>F>Nuts? I'm already nuts (darn, no squirrel smiley, either   )

Hey! Corn... :)

>F>But it was a nice start to the day ...  

Excellent.

Sorry, Fran, I understand far less now than after your original posting. This has served to confuse me far more, I'm afraid.

Originally, I thought you had a new, interesting, though surprising interpretation.

Now, I find you took one of my two intended meanings perfectly

But you find that funny.

Help? Could you or anyone explain, please? I'm reet confused.

Thanks Fran - do you think you could gently explain to this dunderhead please? (Please don’t just say that you thought it funny - there has to be something I can understand here).

What is funny about an artist realising he is inadequate to the task?

Thanks in anticipation, J.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 07:28
Post #14





Guest






Hi Alan,

>A>Memo to self : Write out 500 lines "Jox is not funny" !

Make sure you do, please, else you'll be in detention, later.

Very Basil Fawlty - "This is not funny!"

>A>Seriously, folks, I did not consider this particular Jox poem to contain humour, or to be intentionally (or even un- ) funny.

OK, thanks - sorry I misunderstood.

>A>Unless you mean funny-peculiar, which is what I try to describe with your uniqueness. Trouble with uniqueness is that the unique by definition can't see it - to them it is "normal" - so, we have a problem, Houston.

Ah barking! Now I understand!

Yes, I'm sure you're right. Friends call me eccentric - without exception it seems - (An eighteen year old pupil once called me "the most eccentric teacher I've ever known" - he was actually being polite) But, to me, I am the norm. So I suppose that says something about everyone else!

>A>Jox, I mean your "poet's eye" that sees things in ways, or from slants, that otherd simply don't. Luckily for the rest of us, you also have the poet's tongue, in that you can articulate your thoughts.

That is extremely kind and sweet of you, Alan - thank you. (Think I'll frame that one, before you change your mind).

>A>Now, regarding the last line meant to echo the first, perhaps this could be achieved this way :

"I have insufficient ink ...

to capture all greens of
grasses, trees, nettles
and myriad other
freshly-enlivened vegetation,
which beg to be conveyed
by a poet’s writing.

... anyway, my ink is black."

>A>Thus making the 1st/last line link much clearer. If you did this, I would recommend keeping your wording.

Right-o - thanks Alan, I'll pop that one into the melting pot, too. Much appreciated - thanks for thinking on't and returning.

Alan, your reply is much appreciated - very flattering too. Thank you very much.

J.
 
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JLY
post May 27 05, 07:28
Post #15


Ornate Oracle
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Group: Centurion
Posts: 4,592
Joined: 31-October 03
From: New Jersey
Member No.: 39
Real Name: John
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Larry Carr



James,
The merit of your poem hinges on your final line; in essence that says it all. We could debate it's meaning in many different ways, but to the reader it gives a sense of finality and closure to your body of work.
I admire your ability to bring forth messages in a succinct style and in this case you have succeeded.
JLY


·······IPB·······

Give thanks for your new friends of today, but never forget the warm hugs of your yesterdays.

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!


MM Award Winner
 
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JustDaniel
post May 27 05, 07:54
Post #16


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Posts: 18,451
Joined: 2-August 03
From: Southwest New Jersey, USA
Member No.: 6
Real Name: Daniel J Ricketts, Sr.
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori



Dear James:

What continues to puzzle me about this is that the poem IS in green ink... at least on my computer.  Is he color blind?  Or is this some irony that I just don't get?  [ Perhaps the fact that my wife irons my shirts prevents me from understanding irony?  Are you green with envy? ] *smile"

This is quite a thought-provoker for a little bit of an adept observation of your awe-inspring surroundings.  I'm glad that the clouds were ordered off for you!

deLightingly, Daniel  :sun:


·······IPB·······

Slow down; things will go faster!

MM Award Winner
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 08:28
Post #17





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Hi Lucie - sorry my replies are now completely out of order (probably in every sense of the term)

Thanks for your comments.

>L>I really love the image and the point that you've made here..in just a few lines.  I always really envy writers who can do that!  I could see this right away..quite often on a walk or just standing outside my house, I notice how many different shades to green to everything that there is (and if I ever tried to paint a scene, I'd probably use the same green for everything!

I can't paint anything - so I completely understand.

>L>The last line sort of "hits" the reader as well..a slight regret or frustration.

You have both my meanings - thank Lucie.

>L>You really let me see those greens!

Thank you: much appreciated!

James.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 08:31
Post #18





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Hi Larry,

Thanks for your comments. Much appreciated.

>L>could it be there aren't enough words to describe what you see, ie: the grandeur and majesty of spring,

Blame the language? Great idea! I'll go for that one. Thanks.

Your only tool is the black ink, certainly adequate to do it justice.

Thank you very much - appreciated, Larry.

Cheers, J.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 08:33
Post #19





Guest






Hi John,

Thanks for popping in and commentating.

>Jo>The merit of your poem hinges on your final line; in essence that says it all. We could debate it's meaning in many different ways, but to the reader it gives a sense of finality and closure to your body of work.

Thanks.

>Jo>I admire your ability to bring forth messages in a succinct style and in this case you have succeeded.

Thank you very much, John. Greatly appreciated.

J.
 
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Guest_Jox_*
post May 27 05, 08:40
Post #20





Guest






Hi Daniel,

Thanks for popping in - much appreciated, too.

>D>What continues to puzzle me about this is that the poem

Good thing there's only one thing - most people have several confusions about my work.

>D> IS in green ink... at least on my computer.  Is he color blind?  Or is this some irony that I just don't get?  [ Perhaps the fact that my wife irons my shirts prevents me from understanding irony?  Are you green with envy? ] *smile"

oops, Daniel, no irony intended - you're the first person to spot that - Thanks! The sad truth is that I always post my work in a green font and did that as usual not thinking. I'm tempted to put that last line into black for a fully ironic effect - but such would undermine the message (damn!). I usually do look how people's work looks - you are very good at using visuals in poems. But I didn't do that with my own posting, alas. I'll think about this... whatever colour I change it to has implications so I'm unsure - but,, as I say, will certainly think on't. Thanks.

>D>This is quite a thought-provoker for a little bit of an adept observation of your awe-inspring surroundings.  I'm glad that the clouds were ordered off for you!

Thanks. Actually, in the last two days the Sun has come full-force into SE England. The first Test Match (Cicket) of 2005 has started in London - England vs Bangladesh - so the Sun seems to have taken the message. Most unusual, cricket normally means rain! Hope the wet weather in NE USA eases soon, too.

Thanks Daniel, much appreciated - and well-spotted,

J.
 
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