Delight (after Wordsworth) Options

[RC James]

Under the gentleness of heaven as I wandered lonely,
she struck the sky, as no one before her, with grace-
affirming sight to my unbelieving eyes, full of inspiration,
the touch of earthly concupiscence on the dawning day.

At dusk the stars, through bright surprise, draw out of us
a change, delight. So, above all the shaded glen, she
overturned my passion thrice and twice again. She spirited
my gloom away, shook out delay sly and pure as the naked moon.
Like a gorgeous highway robber, a violet by another name,
she stole what heart I held above the teeming fray, and stored it
away for transient sorrow, so the grandeur falsely held
in my overwrought bosom, was to earthly size diminished.

An angel in woman’s gossamer, thoughtful, yet clearly practical,
suspended so airily between her life and unthinkable death,
most sweet, her visage, as it brings afresh the touch of earthly bliss.

If perfection lies ready to be declared unto this world, she with
an angel’s steady gaze will exemplify, and spiritedly reveal it.

[Eisa]

Hi Richard,

Love this one and it is as delightful as the title

Under the gentleness of heaven as I wandered lonely,
she struck the sky, as no one before her, with grace-
affirming sight to my unbelieving eyes, full of inspiration,
the touch of earthly concupiscence on the dawning day.

Beautiful first line that drew me in.

At dusk the stars, through bright surprise, yank out of us
a change, delight. So she, above all the shaded glen,
overturned my passion thrice and twice again, she spirited
my gloom away, shook out delay sly and pure as the naked moon,
and like a gorgeous highway robber, a violet by another name,
stole what heart I held above the teeming fray, and stored it
away for transient sorrow, so the grandeur falsely held
in my overwrought bosom, was to earthly size diminished.

Perhaps instead of
So she, above all the shaded glen,
overturned my passion

above all the shaded glen, she
overturned my passion

I'm not sure that 'yank' fits in with the gentle beauty of this poem.

An angel in woman’s gossamer, thoughtful, yet clearly practical,
suspended so airily between her life and unthinkable death,
most sweet, her visage, as it brings afresh the touch of earthly bliss.

If perfection lies ready to be declared unto this world, she with
an angel’s steady gaze will exemplify, and spiritedly reveal it.

I think this could be tweaked a little in parts, but on the whole it's a beautiful read.

Eira

[greenwich]

Very authentic. The passion is tender and the reference to feelings is so gentle. This is a love nest.

[Psyche]

Hi Richard,

This poem appears to be in several forums! You have it in Herme's and Acropolis as well.

As I said before, I don't think 'yanks' fits in with the delicate imagery you've threaded gently together.

she spirited
my gloom away, shook out delay sly and pure as the naked moon,
and like a gorgeous highway robber, a violet by another name,
stole what heart I held above the teeming fray, and stored it
away for transient sorrow, so the grandeur falsely held
in my overwrought bosom, was to earthly size diminished.

Love 'naked moon'. Lovely stanza, but I think you need a full stop somewhere, to give the reader a breather. A time to reflect...so many commas!

I'll return here or to Herme's, as I see you've given it meter. It's really a poem that begs for meter, so I'm glad you did that.

Thanks for sharing,
Syl