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> Faces in Places, mini sestina?
Aggiel
post Aug 12 07, 18:31
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Faces in Places

Wandering around feeling so lonely,
cardboard faces in cardboard places,
none will stop to ask, " Who are you, stranger? "

No grassy field, it’s all concrete and stranger
still, as the pavement is shouting, “ I’m lonely!”
Its echo is not heard; emptiness fills the places.

See this building, tallest among the places.
Here, you rub shoulders with folks, yet lonely.
Who will know that you are a stranger?

Ah, this place, but for the yammers, is lonely.

Agatha Lai

corrections:

stanza 1 Cardboard, None

last line , it's


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Thoth
post Aug 13 07, 04:53
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Hi Agatha
This is very interesting, a half-size sestina? I Have not come across this before, please do tell more! I will look over it and come back later, But on the first read I liked it!
Hugs,

Wally


The sestina can also be considered a phonetic form as the form specifies a metric structure in addition to the order of words that end lines. It is also possible to write a rhyming sestina within the form, although this will heighten the redundancy of a form that is already likely to seem repetitious.

Metasestina: a micro-sestina. This is a sestina whose pattern of repeated words are condensed such that it goes through six words in one line, rather than in one six-line stanza. The repeated words are thus not line-ends, although each word ends the line once.

Metasestina 2: a sestina which does not use a metric structure but which repeats line middles in counterpoint to line-ends.

Metasestina 3: a sestina about sestinas using common prepositions for its end-words.


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Guest_Cathy_*
post Aug 13 07, 08:09
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Hi Aggie!

This is the first time I've seen a sestina this short. Is this a specific form of sestina? I'd be curious to hear about it! At the moment I only have a couple of nits...

Wandering around feeling so lonely,
Cardboard faces in cardboard places, No capital on Cardboard to begin the line...
None will stop to ask, " Who are you, stranger? "

No grassy field, it’s all concrete and stranger
still, as the pavement is shouting, “ I’m lonely!” Comma after the quotes and a lower case 'i' on 'its' in the next line.
Its echo is not heard; emptiness fills the places.

See this building, tallest among the places.
Here, you rub shoulders with folks, yet lonely.
Who will know that you are a stranger?

Ah, this place, but for the yammers, it’s lonely. 'is lonely'?

I think you've done a good job of describing the gripping loneliness that one can feel even in a busy, well-populated area. Sometimes the loneliness can come from within ourselves and being around others doesn't ease it.

Well done~

Cathy
 
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Aggiel
post Aug 13 07, 08:14
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Hi Wally,

I am glad to make your acquaintance. Thanks for checking in to comment.

Yes, it’s a half-size sestina, for a sestina will look like this:

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html

Since you have already given a clear definition, I suppose my poem is a
Variation of Metasestina. It is not metric and consists only three repeated words
At line end. The order of repetition is :

Stanza 1 …ABC
Stanza 2 CAB
Stanza 3 BAC

I am afraid it does sound very repetitious.

tropicalfish.gif


Aggiel


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Aggiel
post Aug 13 07, 08:21
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Hi Cathy,

So happy to see you here. Yes, I suppose it's a mini sestina , a form
I saw at a poetry website.

You have done some nit pick which I overlook and will soon fix them,
thanks.

tropicalfish.gif


Aggie


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Aggiel
post Aug 13 07, 08:35
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QUOTE
I think you've done a good job of describing the gripping loneliness that one can feel even in a busy, well-populated area. Sometimes the loneliness can come from within ourselves and being around others doesn't ease it.

Well done~


Yes, Cathy, you are right about feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd.
That is what I am trying to describe, a picture of it.

Thanks for the encouraging words.

Aggiel


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