Dear Daniel,

So sorry to hear you are experiencing such difficulties. I hear you all too well though as I am having health issues too.

I have not written much in the last couple of years. I think it may be due to my hypothyroidism. It can play with minor memory functions etc. I also have diabetes now as my pancreas has been shutting down must like my thyroid. I am no longer able to work due to health difficulties. So I stay home and bead a lot. I sell some of my bead work so I guess I have not lost all my creating. I Hope you are getting better Daniel. I will keep you in my prayers dear friend.


Much Love

Mysty

Thank you Thoth.... I much appreciate your fine review. I am sorry I am not very wordy now. I am leaving today to see my father for the last time.... to say my goodbyes. He will likely not last out the week and ....I need to say everything I need to before he goes.



Mysty

Ok Arnfinn... fixed I hope?


Mysty

I am glad you enjoyed it Arnfinn How is the rewrite?? Better?

Mysty

hmmm I like some of your ideas Arnfinn I will rewrite and try to incorporate this coming weekend when I have more time. Thank you for commenting


Mysty

REWORKED

Rebirth

A walk in forest's autumn grave,
as sun sifts through an auburn haze
I picture myself buried here
amidst elven brethren.

Majestic red sentinals guard
paths of purity, heat ripples the air
blocking intrusion of ne'er do wells
trying to tempt nature's dryads.

A raven sky chases fire beams west,
blanketing heat, the forest at midnight cooling.
Sky adorned with pinpricks of light, glittering
and in the nigh whispers of invisible creatures.

Divest of loomed cottons, this body perfect,
flushes pink driving away ashen colored flesh,
as it shudders, awakening in silvery rays of moonlight,
a pale witness to a magical rebirth.

Rising into lustrous beams,
arms raised,

I am a Goddess of night.


© 2009 Mysty Johnson

ORIGINAL

Rebirth

A walk in forest's autumn grave,
as the sun sifts through an auburn haze
I picture myself buried here
amidst elven brethren.

Majestic red sentinals guard
paths of purity, heat ripples the air
blocking intrusion of ne'er do wells
trying to tempt nature's dryads.

A raven sky chases fire beams west,
blanketting the heat, awash in midnight cool
The darkness glitters with pinpricks of light
and whispers from invisible night creatures.

Divest of loomed cottons, this body
perfect, flush pink on alabaster flesh,
shudders awake in silver rays of moonlight,
a pale witness to the magic of rebirth.

Rising into those pale beams, arms raised,
once again,
I am a Goddess of night.

© 2009 Mysty Johnson

Steve...... what a write..... I was not quite expecting that ending... but can totally see it happening..... OMG I hope it does not mean I will turn into such an elder.

I might reword the last stanza to this though... too little words can have a reverse effect.


With white snow stained red,
it's prison for an old man,
and the other children,
catatonic,
kept in their beds.


jmho though... ultimately this is your creation. Shocking one at that. Made my eyes go large. gasped actually.


Mysty

Hi Melody... I could see the pain behind the writing here. I agree with some of the changes that Arnfinn suggests. It would clean it up a bit to be more succinct and have more impact on the reader. Although I have lived with folks who could very well be undiagnosed bipolar... I have to admit.. those feelings of being alone in the dark... ignored... unheard.. even perfectly polar people have these times in their lives. I quite enjoyed seeing these feelings from the other perspective. Thanks for sharing.


Mysty

You can use or lose my suggestions... but I picture something like this when reading this poem

Secrets
torn from a journal,
never to remember
what was written;
long since forgotten.
Tossed out;
like forsaken trash.
Does it matter?


Anyways jmho ......

Mysty

Hi Peggy ..... I have to say I loved your final edit because I can truly identify with that wispy elusive dream that flits away upon awakening. One minute you are asleep and dreaming then suddenly you are awake and you try to remember what it was you were dreaming... but it is gone .......but it left you feeling so good you want to get back to sleep to dream it again. I think it is perfect as is.... and sometimes too much editing can ruin perfection.

Mysty

Hiya Dennis,

Thank You for the suggestions...... what say you now?

Revision 1

Sleeping Beauty

In stasis
a sleeping beauty
existing in the moment,
feeling expectation
waiting
He has not arrived
and still her heart calls out to him
sending visions of rose red lips
moist and parted, awaiting
his urge to taste....

In stasis,
visions of family life
sharing and pledging
to themselves
a fulfilled sense
of coming home.
within her heart
she is awaiting his arrival
with a longing to consummate
this dream with reality.

In stasis
the heart only dreams
and visions wing their way
to him.... soft supple skin,
rose hued blushes
hidden by cloth,
her passion that burns
like an eternal flame
unending... in Stasis.

© 2007 Mysty Johnson



Original
Sleeping Beauty

In stasis
like a sleeping beauty
existing in the moment,
feeling the expectation
of something bound to happen
and waiting.....waiting...
He has not arrived
and still this heart calls out to him
sending visions of rose red lips
moist and parted.. awaiting
his urge to taste heaven.

In stasis,
visions of family life
sharing and swearing
pledges to ourselves;
commitment,
a sense of coming home
awaits his arrival
and within her heart is
a longing to consummate
this dream with reality.

In stasis
the heart only dreams
and visions wing their way
to him.... soft supple skin,
rose hued blushes in places not
visible over cloth,
passion that burns
like the eternal flame
unending... in Stasis.

© 2007 Mysty Johnson

I will consider some of your suggestions Cleo but the "at the realization" was in the first and folks objected to it as being too long or harsh sounding. so ..... dang it all ..... I will have to think lol. Thanks

Hiya Snow, Don and Cathy..... Merry Greetings : ) I will think on revisions and get back to you all :) Work is aplenty and I have been made full time. That in itself is not bad ...but the work I do kind of drains the inspirations out of me : /. I am trying though so not to worry. : )

Love
~Mysty~

The Looooonnnnnnnng awaited Revision. I hope you all forgive my tardiness. I have been working long hours and alot of overtime. It has sapped some of my creativity. I am working on getting it back though.



To Dream

In the softest hours of night
whispered words
beg notice of your fingers
tenderly trailing my inner thigh.
Moistened lips linger
below my awakening nape.

My arms reach out to pull
you close and I gather
emptiness ....

Eyes open to darkness,
tears threaten
upon knowing
it was just a dream.

In the softest hours of night
I yearn for you until....

I close my eyes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Dream


In the softest hours of night
whispered words in my ear
beg notice of the tender fingers
trailing along my thigh.
Moistened lips linger
below my awakening nape.

My arms reach out to pull
you close and I gather
emptiness ....
because you are not there.

My eyes open to darkness
and tears threaten
at the realization
it was just a dream.
In the softest hours of night
I yearn for you until....

I begin to dream.

Copyright © 2006 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson

Interesting view Liz .. if it wasn't for the title.... well I would never have guessed it's intent. Quite unique I think. Thanks for a good read :)
Cathy has made some excellant suggestions.

~Mysty~

Oh Cyn...... how lovely this last version Winter Song is. Makes me wish I could hear those sounds you hear. I almost can from the way you describe them. Simply beautiful.

~Mysty~

Hiya Eisa

I like this Third Revision version the best.... I liked watching your process from beginning to this one. Awesome work.

~Mysty~

Thank You John I will surely consider those... this piece is a work in progress.
~Mysty~

Thanks Cathy :) I will think on those suggestions.

What Did You Do?


Thundering passions
run screaming on through,
anger and madness
plaguing you.

He said
he would love you
till an eternity passed
but now she is
in his life
his demeanor
is crass.

You wonder
what does she have
other than your man.


Knowing she has him,
seeing her smug smile
and her devious eyes;
yours, a torrent of red tears...
insanity crowding
your thoughts;
madness feeding fears.

Thunderous passions
run screaming on through,
anger and madness
would make a killer of you.

What did you do?

Copyright © 2006 Sandra Elizabeth Johnson

Daniel,

You know me .. I am not really good with play on words.. I must say reading this before bed leaves me wanting a snack before I sleep lol. I enjoyed this poem Daniel.

~Mysty~

Wow ..... that is all I can say. Once the repetitions are gone ...... it is a powerful piece. Makes me want to say "Ouch"!

Hiya Amethyst,
This gives me such a picture of strength. A place to commune with God and nature and to survive ..... Such is life hm? I think the nits have been commented on enough, just a matter of punctuation and moving a word here and there to another line. Very good Read, I enjoyed this piece. Thank You.

~Mysty~