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> 42, R&M
Guest_bombadil1247_*
post Sep 5 10, 06:33
Post #1





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42

When people question their existence
or ponder meaning in their life
I shake my head at their persistence
and thank the lord for you, dear wife.

I’ve never doubted my life’s meaning
since first we danced across the floor
to Frank Sinatra softly crooning
that Strangers could be so much more.

A rock to shield me from life’s sorrows,
a pillow cushioning each blow,
a promise of such bright tomorrows
and darling friend I’ve grown to know.

When Death drops by to call my number
I’ll go along with no regret
you gave me all a man could yearn for;
I bless the day and hour we met.

If God so wills it I’ll be waiting
to greet you when you come along
then once again we’ll go out dating
our love affair will carry on.
 
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AMETHYST
post Sep 6 10, 00:42
Post #2


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From: Florida
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Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Hi Jim,

This is a wonderful tribute to 'the love' that completes another - There is such movement both in the verse and emotion of the poem that brings back memories of our own relationships that we (I) am so grateful for and I would have to say this is truly a treasure. Do you plan on giving this as a gift on an anniversary or Birthday ??? ..

First let me cheer for your choice of line lengths. The alternating 9/8 adds a unique rhythem that compliments the story line. Also, allow me to say I enjoyed those personal touches, as in S2 - I can feel the dance, hear the music and become hopeful again about strangers becoming more than friends. Loved this.

I did have a couple of small nits to leave. Please use anything that might be in line with your own intentions, and discard everything else.

Best Wishes, Liz


QUOTE
42


I didn't quite get the title and it's association with the poem. At first I thought it was an age, then perhaps a year in which they met, and then just the number of how many poems written??? It's probably something so in my face that I am tripping over it! LOL ...



QUOTE
When people question their existence
or ponder meaning in their life
I shake my head at their persistence
and thank the lord for you, dear wife.


Good opening. I felt the compareson of how others are still seeking something so vital in their lives, and how the narrator is so aware of his graces given - it hooks the reader with interest.


QUOTE
I’ve never doubted my life’s meaning
since first we danced across the floor
to Frank Sinatra softly crooning
that Strangers could be so much more.


Here the mood is set vividly for the reader. The personal details enhance the image, inviting the reader to 'feel' the intensity of their becoming!
S2L1, keeps stumbling for me a little. Although at this time, I can't think of a revision to mend it. Perhaps it is the interruption of a perfect and smoothly laid meter through out, and I get a bump when I read ... "i've NEver DOUBTed my LIFE'S MEANing" ... I keep wanting to say I've never doubted life's true meaning - but the 'my life's ...' is so important to the intent of the stanza. So, again - I haven't come up with a useful suggestion, just thought I would make a note of it.
Otherwise. It is an excellent stanza. :)

QUOTE
A rock to shield me from life’s sorrows,
a pillow cushioning each blow,
a promise of such bright tomorrows
and darling friend I’ve grown to know.


I love the specific things you use to 'show' the reader how deeply the narrators dependence and importance is placed on his wife. Especially in L3, where I am enlightened with the image that it tells of hope for the future as well as a beautiful past.

What I did feel could be improved was the repetition of "a' to start each line. It weakened it for me. Perhaps ..
The rock to shield me from life's sorrows,
soft pillow to allay each blow,
a promise of such bright tomorrows
and darling friend I"ve grown to know.

In L2 I also feel a very slight trip with the use of cushioning ... so I've offered up '...to allay ...' However, the trip isn't all that noticable ... where I'd put any importance on making a change ... I guess it is just for your consideration.

QUOTE
When Death drops by to call my number
I’ll go along with no regret
you gave me all a man could yearn for;
I bless the day and hour we met.


LOVE the atmosphere of this stanza. The raw truth of Death calling and the resolution of the narrator that he is content and at peace with his lot in life. The only nit I have here is that final line, the use of day and hour weakens it for me. It sort of feels like it was for filler sake.
Perhaps ...
I bless the moment that we met.


QUOTE
If God so wills it I’ll be waiting
to greet you when you come along
then once again we’ll go out dating
our love affair will carry on.



Cheering and applauding such a perfect ending stanza. Nicely done.

Well ... Once again, a wonderful, enjoyable treasure to be proud of ...

Hugs, Liz


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Alan
post Sep 6 10, 03:01
Post #3


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,446
Joined: 16-October 06
From: UK
Member No.: 298
Real Name: Alan McAlpine Douglas
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori/Eisa/loads of old friends



Dear Liz,

I think that Jim refers to "The answer to life, the Universe, and everything", per the hitch-hiker's guide ? The answer turns out to be 42.

Love
Alan


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AMETHYST
post Sep 6 10, 03:19
Post #4


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 3,822
Joined: 3-August 03
From: Florida
Member No.: 10
Real Name: Elizabeth
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Lori Kanter



Ahah ... Thank you Alan. I am not too familiar with that, and it is probably why I didn't catch on. I think the poem is applaudable... :)

Hugs Liz


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Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more details, click here!

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heartsong7
post Sep 11 10, 10:02
Post #5


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Group: Gold Member
Posts: 862
Joined: 25-June 04
From: Ohio, USA
Member No.: 70
Real Name: Susan Eckenrode
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Merlin



Beautifully stated sentiments without seeming overly sentimental.
Every line is a delight to read and the whole flows flawlessly to my ear.
I didn't get the significance of the title either till I read Alan's explanation.
I was thinking it represented how long you are married.

There are a few meter variations like:
"I’ve never doubted my life’s meaning"
which if it were standing alone one might scan as
I’ve nev er doubt ed my life’s mean ing
but it appears far enough down into the poem to encourage the reader to go with:
I’ve nev er doubt ed my life’s mean ing
wherein that stress falling on 'my' becomes very effective.

lovely poem.
Sue


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Forgiveness is the fragrance
the violet sheds
on the heel
that has crushed it.

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