Wow! It's lovely to see you bring your attention to the short form poetry! Love it.
I think normally haiku and senryu make TWO observations of the same phenomenon, while you seem to be making three statements. Usually one allusion is made in two lines and is accompanied by another in one line - either the first or the last of the trio. Otherwise, I think you've done exceptionally well with your observations.
I'm going to ATTEMPT to make a suggestion (perhaps one of many) that might turn your words into two sensed images:
QUOTE (Psyche @ Aug 14 16, 01:40 )
1
scents waft through bamboo
tea-house with cool breezy porch -
bees pollinate buds.
scents waft through bamboo
from tea-house's breeze-cooled porch;
bees pollinate buds
2
black coffee soils cloth
mauve mouths gobble Danish buns -
Blind tramp passes cap
black coffee soils cloth
while mauve mouths gobble Danish; ............though I'm not sure of the word "mauve"
blind tramp holds out hat
by Psyche
Again, these are not SOLUTIONS but suggestions to offer the concept to two separate observations rather than three.
deLighting in the interaction, Daniel