Resilience ~ Revised 8/20/07, Quatern Options

[Guest_Cathy_*]

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you Maxim, Nina, Merlin and Lori for revision 1!

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Resilience ~ Revision 3

If I were but a willow tree
in graceful gavotte glide of leaf,
with slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

my flesh-born roots would stay their ground.
If I were but a willow tree,
my verdant bands would brandish proud,
as one with nature; flying free.

When fierce skies rage, enrapt winds blow,
in winter whites or summer's reign...
if I were but a willow tree,
the twisting curls of faith sustain.

Though limbs might waver in the wind,
emotions sway to some degree;
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Nov 2005





Resilience ~ Revision 2

If I were but a willow tree
in graceful gavotte glide of leaf,
with slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

my deep-bound roots would stand their ground.
If I were but a willow tree,
my verdant bands would brandish proud,
as one with nature; soaring free.

When fierce skies rage, enrapt winds blow,
in winter white or sunlight reign;
if I were but a willow tree...
resilience and faith sustain.

Though limbs may waver in the wind,
might bend and sway to some degree;
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Nov2005




Resilience ~ Quatern (1st Revision)

If I were but a willow tree
with graceful gavotte glide of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

my deep-bound roots would stand their ground.
If I were but a willow tree,
my verdant bands would brandish proud,
as one with nature; soaring free.

Though fierce skies rage, enrapt winds blow,
through blizzard fall, or sunlight reign;
if I were but a willow tree,
there'd be no reason to complain.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway to some degree;
storm-battered branches would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Nov2005



Resilience ~ Quatern (Original)

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
and tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

with deep-bound roots I'd stand my ground.
If I could be a willow tree,
my ribbons green would wave so proud,
as one with nature; yet still free.

The storms could rage and winds might blow,
a blizzard fall, or sun sans rain;
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway, it might hurt me;
from broken vow I would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Cathy Bollhoefer
copyright Nov2005

[Guest_Maxim_*]

Hi Cathy

I wish I had a well-pool like you seem to have to draw on for all the ideas you come up with for your poems! You have the makings here of yet another excellent quatern.

I have a few suggestions to use or not as suits:

{delete} [add]

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
{and} [a] tow'ring trunk of strong belief{;} [,]

{with} [and] deep-bound roots [.] I'd stand my ground{.} [,]
if I could be a willow tree{,} [.]
My {ribbons green} [verdant bands] would wave so proud;
{as one with} [tied] to nature{;} [,] yet still free.

{The storms could} [Though dark skies] rage and [strong] winds {might} blow,
{a} [through] blizzard fall or sun[light's] {sans rain} [reign];
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs {would} [might] waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway {, it might hurt me} [to some degree];
{from broken vow I} [but I'd be true and] would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Reading thus:

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief,

and deep-bound roots. I'd stand my ground,
if I could be a willow tree.
My verdant bands would wave so proud;
tied to nature, yet still free.

Though dark skies rage and strong winds blow,
through blizzard fall or sunlight's reign;
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs might waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway to some degree;
but I'd be true and would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

I have tried to read and keep to your intent in these suggestions but feel I may have drifted from it in the last stanza.

A thought struck me on reading your line: "from broken vow I would not break," - this seemed contradictory to me at first but I feel it may be at the core of your message? i.e. you would keep a vow where others had not? If so you could try coming at this from a slightly different angle and using the following refrain throughout:
"If you were but a willow tree" or "If he were but a willow tree"
In this case I would also suggest replacing the 'I' with 'you' (or 'I' to 'he') etc. in all instances except:
"I'd have no reason to complain."

Just floating some ideas. I will keep an eye on this one to see how you develop it.

Thanks for sharing.

MaXiM

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

a graceful work with some striking imagery here, Cathy  - but can you tell me the 'rules' for a quatern?  :blush21:  i can see there are 4 lines and four verses, and lines 2 and four always rhyme but lines 1 and 3 alternate - plus you have that rep of the 'if i were a willow tree' idea... help me out here? is there more, like syllabic count/beats to take into account?

[Guest_Nina_*]

Hi Cathy

I feel the sadness in this poem and the desire to be strong and be able to bend but not break, to bear the storms and still stand tall, graceful and dignified.

A few thoughts for you

[add] {delete} (comment)

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,  (I wonder about swaying flow especially as you have sway in the last verse? how about graceful movement)
slender bough of give and take,
{and} tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

with deep-bound roots I'd stand my ground.
If I could be a willow tree,
my ribbons green would wave so proud,
as one with nature; yet still free.

{The} {s}[S]torms could rage and winds might blow,
a blizzard fall, or sun sans rain;
if I were but a willow tree,
{I'd have}[there'd be] no reason to complain.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway, it might hurt me;
from broken vow I would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Nina

[Merlin]

Once again, a top-notch posting, Cathy.  I really like the flow, complete with the minor adjustment of the refrain to keep life interesting.

I will agree with Maxim's punctuation adjustments - I prefer that version with this exception.  V3 I would punctuate thus:
Though dark skies rage and strong winds blow,
through blizzard fall or sunlight's reign,
if I were but a willow tree
I'd have no reason to complain.


I agree with you about the rhyming, not only is it a pleasant read, it is also more challenging to the writer.

Well done.

Merlin

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Maxim,

I wish I had a well-pool like you seem to have to draw on for all the ideas you come up with for your poems!

I don't know where they come from.  lol

You have the makings here of yet another excellent quatern.

Thank you!

I have a few suggestions to use or not as suits:

{delete} [add]

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
{and} [a] tow'ring trunk of strong belief{;} [,] Ok

{with} [and] deep-bound roots [.] I'd stand my ground{.} [,]
if I could be a willow tree{,} [.]
My {ribbons green} [verdant bands] would wave so proud; I like this.
{as one with} [tied] to nature{;} [,] yet still free. Needs 8 syllables ...

{The storms could} [Though dark skies] rage and [strong] winds {might} blow,
{a} [through] blizzard fall or sun[light's] {sans rain} [reign]; Much stronger phrasing. Thanks!
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs {would} [might] waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway {, it might hurt me} [to some degree];
{from broken vow I} [but I'd be true and] would not break, This changes the meaning slightly but I will consider it.  It works well.
if I were but a willow tree.

Reading thus:

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,
slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief,

and deep-bound roots. I'd stand my ground,
if I could be a willow tree.
My verdant bands would wave so proud;
tied to nature, yet still free.

Though dark skies rage and strong winds blow,
through blizzard fall or sunlight's reign;
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs might waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway to some degree;
but I'd be true and would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

I have tried to read and keep to your intent in these suggestions but feel I may have drifted from it in the last stanza.  Just a tad but that's ok.  *smiles*

A thought struck me on reading your line: "from broken vow I would not break," - this seemed contradictory to me at first but I feel it may be at the core of your message? i.e. you would keep a vow where others had not? If so you could try coming at this from a slightly different angle and using the following refrain throughout: Actually, the idea is a promise that was made to me, then broken; if I were able to 'bend' as the willow it would not break my spirit.

"If you were but a willow tree" or "If he were but a willow tree"
In this case I would also suggest replacing the 'I' with 'you' (or 'I' to 'he') etc. in all instances except:
"I'd have no reason to complain."

Just floating some ideas. I will keep an eye on this one to see how you develop it.

I am flattered!  You have given me some very good suggestions and I will keep them all in mind when revising.  Thank you so much!

Thanks for sharing.

Your welcome!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi circumsolar,

a graceful work with some striking imagery here, Cathy  - but can you tell me the 'rules' for a quatern?    i can see there are 4 lines and four verses, and lines 2 and four always rhyme but lines 1 and 3 alternate - plus you have that rep of the 'if i were a willow tree' idea... help me out here? is there more, like syllabic count/beats to take into account?

I'm sorry, I should have posted a link or something.  I have remedied that by posting the requirements above the poem.  It can also be found in Karnak Crossing.  And thank you for the compliments!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Nina,

I feel the sadness in this poem and the desire to be strong and be able to bend but not break, to bear the storms and still stand tall, graceful and dignified.  I'm glad that came across so clearly.

A few thoughts for you

[add] {delete} (comment)

If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf,  (I wonder about swaying flow especially as you have sway in the last verse? how about graceful movement) ooops!  Missed that!  Each line has 8 syllables so I will have to think about this.  *smiles*  Thanks for pointing that out.
slender bough of give and take,
{and} tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

with deep-bound roots I'd stand my ground.
If I could be a willow tree,
my ribbons green would wave so proud,
as one with nature; yet still free.

{The} {s}[S]torms could rage and winds might blow, Again, it needs 8 syllables.
a blizzard fall, or sun sans rain;
if I were but a willow tree,
{I'd have}[there'd be] no reason to complain. This would work.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway, it might hurt me;
from broken vow I would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Some good suggestions ... I will keep them in mind.  Thanks for taking a look!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Merlin,

Once again, a top-notch posting, Cathy.  I really like the flow, complete with the minor adjustment of the refrain to keep life interesting.

Thank you Merlin!

I will agree with Maxim's punctuation adjustments - I prefer that version with this exception.  V3 I would punctuate thus:
Though dark skies rage and strong winds blow,
through blizzard fall or sunlight's reign,
if I were but a willow tree
I'd have no reason to complain.

I will be looking at the punctuation.  That was never my strong suit!  lol


I agree with you about the rhyming, not only is it a pleasant read, it is also more challenging to the writer.

Yes I believe so too.  I've written a couple that didn't rhyme but I don't like them quite as well as.  And it is more of a challenge!

Well done.

Thank you!

Cathy

[Guest_circumsolar_*]

Quatern, Latin for “four at a time,” is a 16-line French poetic form of four quatrains. Each line contains eight syllables, which may or may not have a metrical pattern.  There is also no requirement of rhyme (usually there being none), but there must be one descending refrain:

L1 of the first quatrain becomes L2 of the second, L3 of the third, and L4 of the final quatrain.  (As you can see there is no requirement for rhyme, I do it because I think it usually sounds better.  This description is posted in Karnak's.)


Hi Cathy! thanks for posting this up - NOW i can begin to see the woods for the trees... and see that you've already made a tree-house fit for royalty, lol. I haven't seen this form before (no huge surprises there!), but it's   making me want to have a stab at it, just to see what can be coaxed out of the grey matter. It's great to see good illustrations of a form - it makes things so much clearer than the explanation alone; between yourself, Cleo and the other 'formees' here, i am in danger of becoming house-trained!

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi circumsolar,

Hi Cathy! thanks for posting this up - NOW i can begin to see the woods for the trees... and see that you've already made a tree-house fit for royalty, lol.

Thank you!  

I haven't seen this form before (no huge surprises there!, but it's   making me want to have a stab at it, just to see what can be coaxed out of the grey matter. I'll be watching for it! *smiles*  

It's great to see good illustrations of a form - it makes things so much clearer than the explanation alone; between yourself, Cleo and the other 'formees' here, i am in danger of becoming house-trained!

I find it a bit addictive.  lol  This one quickly became one of my favorites!

Cathy

[Cleo_Serapis]

Hi Cathy.

I am enjoying your Quaterns and am glad it's the form of the month at PV so we can see your masterpieces here too!

There is a comforting flow to this piece and I admire each image presented.



~Cleo  


If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf, (suggest ‘glide’ for alliterative alternative to ‘flow’)
slender bough of give and take,
and tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

with deep-bound roots[,] I'd stand my ground.
If I could be a willow tree,
my ribbons green would wave so proud, (suggest ‘flutter’ as alternative to ‘wave so’)
as one with nature; yet still free. (suggest ‘soaring’ as alternative to ‘yet still’)

The storms could rage and winds might blow, (here you could make this stronger by replacing ‘the’ and ‘and’. Perhaps you could say, ‘stern storms’ or ‘fierce storms’ could rage, ‘rapt’ winds might blow,)
a blizzard fall, or sun sans rain;
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway, it might hurt me; suggest ‘harm’ as alternative to ‘hurt’)
from broken vow I would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

One question Cathy – does the Quatern allow for slight variations on the refrain? I’m not certain; however I do like your variations. If the form requires the exact refrain, I fancy ‘If I were but a willow tree’.

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Lori,

I am enjoying your Quaterns and am glad it's the form of the month at PV so we can see your masterpieces here too! Thanks Lori ... masterpieces??  lol

There is a comforting flow to this piece and I admire each image presented.

Thank you!


~Cleo  


If I could be a willow tree
with graceful swaying flow of leaf, (suggest ‘glide’ for alliterative alternative to ‘flow’) I like that!  Thanks!
slender bough of give and take,
and tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

with deep-bound roots[,] I'd stand my ground.
If I could be a willow tree,
my ribbons green would wave so proud, (suggest ‘flutter’ as alternative to ‘wave so’)  Hmmmm ... 'twill think on it.
as one with nature; yet still free. (suggest ‘soaring’ as alternative to ‘yet still’)

The storms could rage and winds might blow, (here you could make this stronger by replacing ‘the’ and ‘and’. Perhaps you could say, ‘stern storms’ or ‘fierce storms’ could rage, ‘rapt’ winds might blow,)  'Rapt winds' sounds good.
a blizzard fall, or sun sans rain;
if I were but a willow tree,
I'd have no reason to complain.

My limbs would waver in the wind,
I'd bend and sway, it might hurt me; suggest ‘harm’ as alternative to ‘hurt’)  Now why didn't I think of that??
from broken vow I would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

One question Cathy – does the Quatern allow for slight variations on the refrain? I’m not certain; however I do like your variations. If the form requires the exact refrain, I fancy ‘If I were but a willow tree’.

I can't find anything that says yea or nay.  I have seen it done with slight variations and I think it makes the piece more interesting.  I will do some more research on the subject and see if I can find out anything more.

Thanks for your comments!

Cathy

[Guest_MFK_Buckley_*]

Hi Cathy, I'm a newbie here. I have thoroughly enjoyed the poem and the thread, most instructive! Thanks for your efforts in that regard.
The suggestions and revisions are worthwhile. Punctuation can really improve clarity when used to its greatest power, some good revisions there.
The imagery is noteworthy, the descending line is lyrical and dramatic. Quite lovely in all. frances

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Frances,

Welcome to MM!

Hi Cathy, I'm a newbie here. I have thoroughly enjoyed the poem and the thread, most instructive! Thanks for your efforts in that regard.
The suggestions and revisions are worthwhile. Punctuation can really improve clarity when used to its greatest power, some good revisions there.
The imagery is noteworthy, the descending line is lyrical and dramatic. Quite lovely in all. frances

I am glad that you have enjoyed it.  I'm also glad that the revisions were an improvement.  I've never been good with punctuation so that usually ends up a problem but I always get plenty of friendly help.  

Thanks for dropping in and leaving a comment.  Most appreciated!

Cathy

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Dusting and polishing~

Any and all comments welcome!

Thanks!

Cathy

[AMETHYST]

Hi Cathy,

First, I have nominated this for IBPC in Sept. It is such a worthy poem, the images and sounds, along with a complimentary beat through out brings this to life and you've met the form with grace and charm. The subject and how you've made use of sounds help the form to shine.

I will keep me thoughts toward the revision, anyway ... Beautiful poetry!

Hugs, Liz

Resilience ~ Revision 2

If I were but a willow tree
in graceful gavotte glide of leaf,
with slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

Not a nit to my ear and eye in this first stanza. A nice amount of alliteration and sounds blending into one another give this opening a thumbs up. L1/L2 are very strong hooks into the poem,

my deep-bound roots would stand their ground.
If I were but a willow tree,
my verdant bands would brandish proud,
as one with nature; soaring free.

L1, '... deep-bound sounds off to my ear. I feel as though deep should get a strong stress but doesn't naturally when followed by 'bound' which holds too much stress ...

How about ...

my deeper bound roots stand their ground

In L3, I love the sounds 'verdant/bands/brandish' it rolls off my tongue with ease,like silk just beautiful.


When fierce skies rage, enrapt winds blow,
in winter white or sunlight reign;
if I were but a willow tree...
resilience and faith sustain.

L4, feels stumbly. I think I scan it as ...

reSIL i ence and FAITH susTAIN

Perhaps ... resilience, faith can sustain.

Though limbs may waver in the wind,
might bend and sway to some degree;
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Perhaps ...

Though limbs may waver in the wind;
bend back or sway to some degree,
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

:

This is delicious ... Hugs, Liz

[Guest_Cathy_*]

Hi Cathy,

First, I have nominated this for IBPC in Sept. It is such a worthy poem, the images and sounds, along with a complimentary beat through out brings this to life and you've met the form with grace and charm. The subject and how you've made use of sounds help the form to shine.

Thank you Liz! I didn't expect a nomination of this poem! LOL

I will keep me thoughts toward the revision, anyway ... Beautiful poetry!

Hugs, Liz

Resilience ~ Revision 2

If I were but a willow tree
in graceful gavotte glide of leaf,
with slender bough of give and take,
a tow'ring trunk of strong belief;

Not a nit to my ear and eye in this first stanza. A nice amount of alliteration and sounds blending into one another give this opening a thumbs up. L1/L2 are very strong hooks into the poem,

Thank you! I'm glad the opening turned out so well~

my deep-bound roots would stand their ground.
If I were but a willow tree,
my verdant bands would brandish proud,
as one with nature; soaring free.

L1, '... deep-bound sounds off to my ear. I feel as though deep should get a strong stress but doesn't naturally when followed by 'bound' which holds too much stress ...

How about ...

my deeper bound roots stand their ground

I'm not sure about this one. It sounds to me as though 'bound roots' have equal stress and doesn't seem to fit the iambic beat. Would 'earth-bound' work better?

In L3, I love the sounds 'verdant/bands/brandish' it rolls off my tongue with ease,like silk just beautiful.

Thanks!

When fierce skies rage, enrapt winds blow,
in winter white or sunlight reign;
if I were but a willow tree...
resilience and faith sustain.

L4, feels stumbly. I think I scan it as ...

reSIL i ence and FAITH susTAIN

Perhaps ... resilience, faith can sustain.

I've been wondering about that line myself. You've given me a place to start so let's see what happens. I may just use your suggestion... it seems to fit my original thoughts.

Though limbs may waver in the wind,
might bend and sway to some degree;
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Perhaps ...

Though limbs may waver in the wind;
bend back or sway to some degree,
my storm-blown spirit would not break,
if I were but a willow tree.

Hmmm... this has definite possibilities! Thanks for your help Liz!

Cathy

:

This is delicious ... Hugs, Liz

[Mary Boren]

Having another go at it, huh Cathy? I think there are many benefits to that approach. Almost every time I workshop an old poem I end up writing something new within a few days. Oh, and there's the IBPC nom -- congrats on that.

I'll leave the critique to others, as I'm not into repetitive forms -- not to say that you haven't done a fine job with it. I enjoyed reading the thread. You had some people commenting back in November that I wish were here now. We know Fran's too busy for poetry these days but I'm wondering if anyone knows what became of Maxim, whose last appearance here was in April. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting him or reading his work before, but I've just now become an instant fan.

Sorry to digress. Good luck with the poem.

Mary

[Terocon101]

Hi Cathy,

Just popping in to say how much I love this. Nothing for me to do but sit here and enjoy, love when that happens. Strange I haven't come across it till now?? Time for terry to take a trip to the optician, me-thinks.

Anyway, bravo.

Best Wishes

.