Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB
2 Pages V  < 1 2  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Fireflies and Fairies w/ new final stanza, Swap Quatrain
Cleo_Serapis
post Aug 13 07, 06:07
Post #21


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Hi Sue,

It's not too late (I'm going to be rounding up member names and SQ poem titles through end of September, where then I'll be emailing out a word doc permission form to be signed and returned back to me). It will list the author's name and poem titles and give MM non-exclusive permission to use it in the upcoming chapbook (name still being decided) - you retain all rights as always. grinning.gif

I like the revision but stumbled on the last stanza in L3:

I store these treasured memories
of summer nights and fantasies
in jars of dreams especially for
these treasured memories I store.

I believe it's your choice of 'especially for' so I've jotted down a few alternate word choices for you to ponder as you wish to T or T. I'm looking forward to writing a few SQ's soon once my muse returns from her extended absence. pinkpanther.gif

I store these treasured memories
of summer nights and fantasies
in jars of dreams I’ll then explore, (I will explore, I do explore,)
these treasured memories I store.

I store these treasured memories
of summer nights and fantasies
in jars of dreams I so adore; (I do adore;)
these treasured memories I store.

I store these treasured memories
of summer nights and fantasies
in jars of dreams meant to adore;
these treasured memories I store.

Cheers!
~Cleo woodstock.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
heartsong7
post Aug 13 07, 11:37
Post #22


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 862
Joined: 25-June 04
From: Ohio, USA
Member No.: 70
Real Name: Susan Eckenrode
Writer of: Poetry
Referred By:Merlin



Hi Lori...
Thank you for letting me know it can still be submitted... and for offering your further insight on the revised stanza.
QUOTE
I like the revision but stumbled on the last stanza in L3:

I store these treasured memories
of summer nights and fantasies
in jars of dreams especially for
these treasured memories I store.

ah ha! I bet this is another case of our differing accents (Northern/Southern)? magicwink1.png
I pronounce especially with 3 sylls. I reckon you must give it 4?
Yours is the correct way and this is not an important keeper so how about I sub 'expressly'?
I like 'adore' and had explored it but just doesn't quite fit what I want to convey.
Thank you for the heads-up on 'especially'... and for the suggesed subs as well.
Best.
Sue


·······IPB·······

Forgiveness is the fragrance
the violet sheds
on the heel
that has crushed it.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Cleo_Serapis
post Aug 14 07, 06:32
Post #23


Mosaic Master
Group Icon

Group: Administrator
Posts: 18,892
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Massachusetts
Member No.: 2
Real Name: Lori Kanter
Writer of: Poetry & Prose
Referred By:Imhotep



Oh yes, Sue- I DO pronounce it as 4 sylls. upside.gif

I really like your alternate idea of "expressly". pharoah2.gif

Cheers
~Cleo fairy.gif


·······IPB·······

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
Aggiel
post Aug 30 07, 15:34
Post #24


Creative Chieftain
***

Group: Gold Member
Posts: 764
Joined: 18-October 04
From: Sabah, Malaysia
Member No.: 80
Writer of: Poetry



I really do love fireflies.This bring e back to my childhood, full of
memories of these little thing to brighten up my nights.

I love your write, heartsong.

tropicalfish.gif


Aggie


·······IPB·······

May all of us outrun any subsequent tsunamis.

MM Award Winner
 
+Quote Post  Go to the top of the page
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

2 Pages V  < 1 2
Reply to this topicStart new topic

 

RSS Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th March 2024 - 04:30




Read our FLYERS - click below



Reference links provided to aid in fine-tuning your writings. ENJOY!

more Quotes
more Art Quotes
Dictionary.com ~ Thesaurus.com

Search:
for
Type in a word below to find its rhymes, synonyms, and more:

Word: