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> Totems, Karnac Crossing Challenge - Taking Frost's The Road Not Taken
Sekhmet
post Jan 13 10, 06:02
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Totems


Two gaudy effigies, carved in wood,
stand in forested clearings; both
potent totems; understood
to rule their tribe, as no man could.
They tower above the undergrowth.

Whilst at their bases, maidens fair,
do offer tribute; and they claim
the pretty amulets they wear,
and tattoos scattered here and there,
prevent them looking much the same.

Explorers died here where they lay,
their tortured bodies turning black.
They surely came to rue the day
they ventured the less travelled way
and stayed - because there's no way back.

These totems force my deepest sigh.
My God! Why did I venture hence?
A futile, foolish traveller; I
chose that detour, tempted by
my untamed lust for difference.

All line should end with the given words - in the given order and form.
wood, both, stood, could, undergrowth / fair, claim, wear, there, same /
lay, black, day, way, back / sigh, hence, I, by, difference
.


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Alan
post Jan 13 10, 08:56
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Dear Leo,

A tour de force, very well done.

Love
Alan


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Guest_ohsteve_*
post Jan 13 10, 15:29
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Leo, ah now you are treading on dangerous ground...lol. Road Not Taken is one of three of my favorites written by Frost. I have done parodies of this and the other two that I like also, but never using the end words as they stood. you have not only done this but also used the same rhyme scheme and made it totally different at the same time. Ok I just saw the challenge Lori put up in Karnaks...I will have to go see how well I can do...great piece here Leo.

Steve
 
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Cleo_Serapis
post Jan 14 10, 08:11
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Real Name: Lori Kanter
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Hi Leo,

I'm not here to crit just yet but wanted to ask a favor: Can you also post this in the Karnak thread as well so I'll know it sparked responses?

Thanks so much! cheer.gif

Be back!
~Cleo running.gif


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"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ J.R.R Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

Collaboration feeds innovation. In the spirit of workshopping, please revisit those threads you've critiqued to see if the author has incorporated your ideas, or requests further feedback from you. In addition, reciprocate with those who've responded to you in kind.

"I believe it is the act of remembrance, long after our bones have turned to dust, to be the true essence of an afterlife." ~ Lorraine M. Kanter

Nominate a poem for the InterBoard Poetry Competition by taking into careful consideration those poems you feel would best represent Mosaic Musings. For details, click into the IBPC nomination forum. Did that poem just captivate you? Nominate it for the Faery award today! If perfection of form allured your muse, propose the Crown Jewels award. For more information, click here!

"Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up." ~ Early detection can save your life.

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Merlin
post Jan 14 10, 17:44
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Not gonna crit either, only mention I've taken one onto the other road down in the Kar-navel.

Merlin


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Sekhmet
post Apr 13 10, 01:46
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Real Name: Leonora Wyatt
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HI Merin - thank you for all your help you gave me with understanding something of Free Verse.
I'll miss you, and hope to meet you again, on a different road.
Send a postcard!
Leo XX


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