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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Poetry for Exhibition Prior to 2006 _ Pumpkin's Plight

Posted by: heartsong7 Sep 25 04, 21:47

Pumpkins' Plight

A pixie prowled a pumpkin patch
and picked a pumpkin out to snatch
and carry back into her home
behind a gnarly garden gnome.
The pumpkin watched her at the loom
she kept at ready in her room,
for weaving warm and wooly wraps
to keep the chill off when she naps.

While snuggling up to go to sleep,
she didn't hear the pumpkin creep
into the pumpkin patch again,
rescuing pumpkins from the pain
of being gutted, sliced and slit
to serve as lanterns, brightly lit
or maybe luscious pumpkin pies,
though, either way a pumpkin dies.

by Susan

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Sep 26 04, 10:00

Just cool Sue!!!

I'm going to add this to our Autumn book!

HUGS!
~Cleo :pharoah2

Posted by: Don Sep 26 04, 10:10

heartsong7~~

A charming story line. Is it true?

Loved your frequent alliteration.

Following two lines struck my fancy because if they were put into alliterative verse format, each line would be four-beats and sound like a Mother Goose.

A pixie prowled a pumpkin patch
for weaving warm and wooly wraps

Wouldn't it be nice if the end were the pumpkin saving itself rather than anticlimax of how it could have died. I fail in suggesting how because the lines are perfectly placed with each other.

Don

Posted by: jgdittier Dec 10 04, 09:32

Dear Sue,
I think your message is perfectly presented, but I agree with Don. It could be even more delightful if ending on the upbeat.
Imagine, two guys suggesting better treatment for vegetables!
Cheers, Ron