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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ Poetry Exhibition -> Plato's Pearls of Wisdom _ When Mourning Dawns

Posted by: MissLuckyPenny Nov 22 07, 18:13

When Mourning Dawns

All day your name has been against my mind
and hurt me like the too frail loveliness
of pear blooms in the rain.

All night my voice undefined
has swung from star to star
to call you back.

Tomorrow I will know that you can't come
and after that I won't know anything
but small hard shells against my bare feet
and sand upon my lips at dawn.

*Just trying to get back into the groove of posting my work and commenting on the work of others, figured this would be a good place to start.*

Posted by: Merlin Nov 22 07, 22:28

Hello Poppy,

Tis a good place to be.
I don't flutter around too much, but noticed your name while checking the directory. Thought I'd take a look.

Your poem is almost an aubade. I've done a couple, and get satisfaction from that subject. Nice to read another.

Merlin

Posted by: Cleo_Serapis Nov 23 07, 06:31

Hi Poppy,

Wow - this is pretty intense for a 3 verse poem! It's nice to read your poetry again!

It certainly echoes of a lost love of sorts, a deep hurt or longing that cannot be quenched, and the contemplation of life afterwards without this person. This is filled with lots of expression in so few lines. I really enjoy this stanza:

All night my voice undefined
has swung from star to star
to call you back.

Cheers
~Cleo

Posted by: MissLuckyPenny Nov 23 07, 15:42

Thank you, Merlin and Lori, for the kind comments! This is one of my own personal favorite poems that I've written, mostly because it was written during one of those moments where the words just come, with no pushing, pulling or forcing, they just come as they are.

Thanks again. I hope to hang around here a little more often.

Posted by: Aphrodite Nov 25 07, 09:25

Hi Poppy,

This is a very touching and melancholy poem with heart as big as the sea!

I feel it!

Posted by: Xanadu Nov 25 07, 14:33

This was a nice read. Only a couple of pics. The first two lines of both the first and the last stanzas seem just a tad too wordy. But, I am a minimalist at heart. I love the line about the shells against your bare feet. Thank you for sharing.

Posted by: 4rum Nov 27 07, 09:56

MissLuckyPenny;
(love that name)

There was a pear orchard on the farm where I grew up. I remember the dainty petals knocked to the ground by summer rains. A personal word choice for me (unless it throws off your meter) would be blossoms in the place of blooms. It's just me, but I equate bloom with the act of blooming and blossom with the flower. I know it's used both ways, and please don't let me detract from your lovely poem. A little melancholy, but very well written.

Sam

Posted by: Eisa Jan 5 08, 11:41

Hi Poppy - It's a real treat to read your work again. You have crammed a lot of emotion and images into 3 stanzas and I hope you will post some more soon.

Snow

Posted by: jgdittier Sep 20 08, 06:48

Dear Miss Lucky Penny,
How close your poem here appeals to my mood. It seems it could have been written just for me. It's says so much about mourning in so few words and so it packs much power.
I don't know why, but reading it has somehow lightened my mood.
I now can post the piece I wrote my recently passed wife.
Cheers, ron jgdittier

Posted by: Viking Dec 1 15, 20:53

Poppy

Don't know if you remember me from Poem Kingdom about 10 years ago. I'm just a Mississippi guy that likes the beach and warm summer nights. It's great to find you on here. Your poetry is as good as always. I really like this one.

Dave

Posted by: JustDaniel Dec 2 15, 09:33

Hey, Poppy...

don't know if you're reading this, since you posted your intense poem so long ago. I have so seldom visit this particular forum and in fact had forgotten about it! I just followed one of our new posters and discovered your name... and with great excitement.

I do hope you'll return. So much has happened in the years in between.

I've always loved your writing... and interaction.

deLighting in the prospect again, Daniel