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Mosaic Musings...interactive poetry reviews _ ARCHIVES -> Short Form Poetry -> Shogun's Psalms _ The Lass in the Tam O'Shanter

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 23 09, 09:53

The Lass in the Tam O'Shanter

The lass in the red tam o'shanter
is lively with her bar room banter.
She will tell a joke
that makes tough lads choke.
Village folk say she's a great enchanter.

Peggy Carpenter Harwood

Posted by: Arnfinn Jul 24 09, 04:59

G'day Peg.

A chuckle.

Limmerick

aabba

Limmerick=1st, 2nd, 5th lines trimeters. 3rd and 4th lines dimeters.

A Lass in a Tam O'Shanter

A lass with a red tam o'shanter >>> IN a red tam O'shanter, Peg.= A lass in a blouse, etc.
is lively with her bar room banter.
She will tell a joke
that makes strong lads choke. >>> Were all the lads strong maybe few Puney chappies. Maybe think of an alternative to 'strong.'
Village folk say she's a great enchanter. >>> last line an assumption (say). To the bar crowd a.///or/// with guffaws and grins etc...etc.

Regards,

John

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 24 09, 06:18

Hi John,

Thanks for reading and for your thoughts!! Yes, it should be "in." Fixed it. And I thought of one alternative to "strong." Do you like "tough" any better?

!

Peggy

Posted by: Marc-Andre Germain Jul 24 09, 06:35

Peggy, I think you should try a scansion of your own limerick, indicating the syllables you would stress in usual conversation, first the keyword and then the stressed syllable(s) in pollysyllable words.

First, an accentual scan:

A lass in a red tam o'shanter

Then accentual-syllabic:

A lass/ in a / red tam/ o' shan/ter
iamb/phyrric/iamb/iamb (we don't count the feminine ending as a foot in scansion.)

Of course, you most probably meant

a lass/ in a red/ tam o shan/ter
iamb/anapest/anapest

...which works alright in the third foot as the primary stress is on "shan" and "tam" the secondary one...but would you really place the emphasis on "red" and "shan" in normal speech? And aren't most tam o'shanters red? I'd understand the stress, the emphasis, on the colour if it were a more unusual one.

In L3, I'd expect "she will tell", but the way the line scans I take it that you want to put the emphasis on the fact that she will tell a joke....(even though...?)

L5 just won't scan right whatever way we pronounce the line; if you're to use iambs in a limerick, keep them for the first foot of a line only.

I hope this helps,

Mark

Posted by: Arnfinn Jul 24 09, 20:34

G'day Peg.

Yep! tough fits the bill.

John

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 24 09, 20:41

Hi Marc,

I appreciate your attempts to help me with my meter, but on this one I think this is about the best I can do.

I been thinking about you and the monsoons. How long do they usually last?

Appreciative, but somewhat limited,

Peggy

Posted by: Peggy Carpenter Harwood Jul 24 09, 20:43

Hi John,

Glad you like "tough." Thanks for sticking with me!!

Peggy